Very Confused. Need Advice.

[Confusedman123]

So i have been dating this girl for the past year and now we are broken up again. Around the same exact time last year (spring) she broke up with me. We continued talking and eventually the day before my birthday we started dating again. During that time we were intimate about once a week. Right before getting back together I found out she was sleeping with a couple other guys and I was ready to leave. As I was leaving she grabbed a bottle of pills though and threatened to commit suicide and i didn't believe her so she dumped them in her mouth and swallowed. I was shocked and stayed while calling poison control. I end up forgiving her after this and we were together for another eight months. This damaged our relationship though because I did not trust her after this considering I asked her multiple times when we were apart if she had slept with other guys and the answer was no. She lied to me putting my health at risk and when we got back together she called me controlling. The reason she said this is because I did not like her drinking. When we would go out she would get so drunk to the point I was carrying her home. This happened over and over and it became a terrible looping argument. I tried so hard to plead with her to control her drinking. It effected her depression that she is diagnosed with massively and by the end of the night she would be in bed crying her eyes out. During the break up she also was bolemic and every time I distanced myself a new problem would come out. This being one of them. It got to the point where I actually almost told her parents but ended up telling her sister and they did nothing. Once we got back together i believed this stopped because I saw huge changes but of course I could never be sure.

 

Now to the present. Recently we broke up and she dumped me saying I was too controlling. All i was trying to do is protect her and love her. Maybe you cant fix peoples problems for them. I do not know. After about two weeks of not talking she contacted me after a heavy night of drinking the next day and I of course felt bad because her depression was terrible and she told her friends she was going to kill herself and they just left and I went over there and we were intimate again. It sucks because I really love her. After this we talked for a bit and then there was a wall of silence again so I stopped texting her. She is drinking all the time again and I can see that she is liking other guys photos on facebook on instagram even though she blocked me. I try not to look at it and concentrate on myself and my happiness. As soon as i distance myself she texts me again like nothing happened. This time she got in a fight with her friends and they were not talking to her so she called me. The next day as soon as she made up with her friends she ignored me again. It seems like every time I try to move on and i start to be happy again this happens and tears me down again. She only calls me when we are broken up if something bad is happening, I get no good times. I just do not know what to do anymore because I really love this person but it kills me inside every time this happens because I get my hopes up only for them to get greeted again by a wall of silence. What do you think I should do next time this happens. I still do love her and when we are together we are happy and healthy besides me trying to stave off the drinking. Alcoholism and drug use runs in this persons family and combined with depression it is not fun to watch at all, in fact it is super painful to watch, when it happens. I wish i could just solve these issues but I dont even know if that is possible. Please help. She also does other things look wise that during our relationship she new i loved and then posts pictures of it online so she knows I will see it.

[DanZee]

Well, the problem is that since you're not with her all the time, you can't control her drinking and other self-destructive tendencies. She winds up calling you when she hits rock bottom. You boost her up, and then off she goes for more drinking and fooling around. She's totally out of control. The only advice would be to practice tough love and not answer her calls. But since you still love her and you want to help her, plus you're afraid she'll kill yourself, you're stuck. I guess all you can do is continue to tell her to get help, stop drinking, stop fooling around and maybe she'll get tired of hearing it and stop calling you.

[Confusedman123]

Well, the problem is that since you're not with her all the time, you can't control her drinking and other self-destructive tendencies. She winds up calling you when she hits rock bottom. You boost her up, and then off she goes for more drinking and fooling around. She's totally out of control. The only advice would be to practice tough love and not answer her calls. But since you still love her and you want to help her, plus you're afraid she'll kill yourself, you're stuck. I guess all you can do is continue to tell her to get help, stop drinking, stop fooling around and maybe she'll get tired of hearing it and stop calling you.

 

 

True. Its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I must say though what I loved is when she wasnt out of control. Maybe tough love is the answer. I never thought of it that way. As tough love. In reality that is love though I think not letting someone continue on a bad path. Its like she is constantly trying to do things to hurt me like today she changed her status to single. I feel like i really deserve better I think. Why do I have to be the one that constantly has to sacrifice his mental well being and happiness to be there for someone that really could care less for me. My friend recently passed away and then someone in my family and I told her ad she literally said nothing. Silence. I think that really says a lot. It sucks to love someone that you know loves you back but decides to act like this out of spite.

[MissCanuck]

OP, she isn't emotionally stable. She is also a very dishonest and manipulative woman. This isn't love.

 

No, you can't fix her problems for her. But you also need to sort out your own problems - it's concerning that you are attracted to this and allow someone to mistreat you the way she does. That says more about your self-worth than anything else. I am not trying to knock you, either. A lot of people find themselves in this position, but you're going to find yourself emotionally destroyed with long-term damage if you don't get away from her.

 

You won't have a happy ending with this person, so you need to start your own recovery so you can one day find someone capable of a healthy relationship. This woman isn't it.

[Confusedman123]

No offense taken at all. This is exactly why I put this up here because I just want people to it give it to me straight. Thanks for saying that.