year and 8 months since break up now still confused with ex

[h_b_k_02]

Smallworld, you are absolutely right about the main problem being commitment. This is one of the main reasons I basically asked my ex to move in with me. I want her to not doubt for a second how much I care and how serious I am about US.

 

Sounds like you played it right, she is the one asking for the kiss, not yourself. Everything seems to be going smooth sailing for you right now. Hopefully you can continue to go bump-free and perhaps sometime in the not-so-distant-future we will both have success stories to post up on this forum.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah it really did feel good. huggin her and caressing her.

I'm still somewhat hesitant as to whether or not to tell her my full feelings for her.. I'll see what happens I guess

[h_b_k_02]

Don't do it right now man. For now, go with the flow. You don't want to scare her off. I'll assume when you broke up she knew you loved her, and having sex and sleeping all night together, I think that says it all.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Exactly... I'm not letting my full feelings out just yet..

Just play it like I just met her and dating or something

[smallworld]

Exactly... I'm not letting my full feelings out just yet..

Just play it like I just met her and dating or something

 

You seem to be waiting for some particular sign from her before you state your feelings. Any clue what that is?

[bubbamackdaddy69]

To be honest I have no clue what I'm waiting for...just feel that I shouldn't let out all my feelings towards her just yet...

[ryan14]

hi bubbamackdaddy69

 

your story is one inspiring one, i'd say let her do all the work and return something a little back until she sez

 

HER: "i realize that i really loved you and i want you back" something like that,

 

and you'll say something like

 

YOU: "you know as much as i want to, but i'm scared of being hurt again"

 

and she'll say something like

 

HER: "let me reassure that will not happen let's start all over again" something like that again.

 

its like wat happen with the kiss she ask for it, but this time it will be something different, let her be the one telling the lines "why aren't we back together? or something like "i want you back"

 

the key here is you not asking to get back but she is, make everything pleasurable, light and happy.

 

and dont rush things, keep your heart guarded, dont wait just let things happen.

 

good luck and keep us updated

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Good point Ryan14..

Good advice and something I gotta do.

I called her about 10 mins ago to say hi.Kept the conversation light and didn't get into anything deep. She was in the middle of watching a movie so I let her go quickly.. It may sound silly to say this but I'm just gonna wait and let her call me if she wants..I'm not gonna call her next time.I called tonight and that was enough kept it short and didn't talk about last night or anything. don't wanna put my heart on my sleave.

[ryan14]

that's right man i wish i did that before, i got caught up when she called and jump in right away, and from time to time a called and realize i was doing all the work, man i was stupid, anyways you know when to strike a balance just be patient it will be a long process, good luck

[cassiana]

My ex asked me out last week. We havent seen each other in 13 months. I said yes.

So matbe shell say yes too.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah I'm not ready to go full out with this..Don't wanna get hurt if I try to push it too hard..I really wanna get back with her but don't wanna pressure anything. Called her last night and kept the conversation short and light. Not calling her anymore and let her call me and persue it if she wants.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Another little update again...

She just sent me a note on MSN that she's stopping by my place tonight for a steak dinner.. I promised her last week a steak dinner but havent cook it yet for her. She's bringing the wine she said... so many times I felt like saying no and postponing it..should I have done so ?

Don't wanna put my heart on my sleave you know..

[h_b_k_02]

I think you are digging a hole for yourself now, since she is coming to see you a lot and it is causing some confusion on your part.

 

I don't know if you are ready to tell her how you feel, but even saying this as a guy, I would not give her access to my body whenever she wants without some kind of commitment. Well, I guess I'm just ready to settle down now though so who knows?

[bubbamackdaddy69]

I know what you mean.. I'm ready to settle down as well. Yeah just confused right now.. Funny thing is that she was the one before that wanted all the commitment and children , marriage, etc and I was the one scared of all that.. Maybe she still feels that way..I'm not sure though

[ryan14]

relax man, you're doing just fine, let her come to you, you can cook steak dinner that's not bad at all, its normal to feel confused coz the two of you are only beginning, just be confident and dont act nervous, treat her as if you have a friend visiting you, if she comes to you in a strong way like getting a kiss from you then give her what she wants, the key here is making things pleasurable. just go with the flow

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah she just left... she stopped by for the steak dinner I promised her.

When she got here she forgot the wine she was suppose to bring so she went back to the store and bought some and she came back with a birthday cake for me with my name on it from Dairy Queen..b-day is not until thursday though.Anyways I thought it was really thoughtful.. we ate watched a movie then went back to my room for a cigarette and chatted and then we ended up having sex again. It was very passionate and good.

We had a smoke and then she got dressed and walked her to her car and gave her a kiss goodnight and told her to call me sometime.

Am I being played or just going with the flow properly ?

[ryan14]

When she got here she forgot the wine she was suppose to bring so she went back to the store and bought some and she came back with a birthday cake for me with my name on it from Dairy Queen

 

for me this is a good sign she is making an effort to please you.

 

we ate watched a movie then went back to my room for a cigarette and chatted and then we ended up having sex again. It was very passionate and good.

 

in my humble opinion most girls dont just have sex, they do it because they love the person or there's an emotional connection, you know your ex better than me, and if you think she's playing games with you then stop the sex, but dont shut her down, let say she calls you makes an effort to come over to your place, kiss you or hug you.

 

remember nobody wants to throw away on the things they have invested on, for instance you have a GF you've invested money, time, effort and emotions to that person and its not easy to forget or let go of that.

 

if you keep questioning things right away, there is a possibility that she would stop investing her emotions to you, questioning her actions is not yet the right time.

 

remember balance is important if you feel its too much for you to handle then take a break, let say reschedule the meet up.

 

again to answer your question... NO you're not being played and you're doing just fine.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

thanks for the reply Ryan again.

Yeah I know..I guess I'm just doubting myself a little..

Just feels weird doing this with an ex...First time ever..every other ex I never talked to afterwards..granted none of them were really long relationships..Only with her..it was for 2 months shy from 3 years. It's just been so long since we broke up like a year and 8 months so it feels different ..but good though..just weird..

My sister know's I've been talking to her more lately and is kind of interested on why and in the back of her mind wants us back together I bet..they got along well.

The ex actually went over to her place for dinner about 3 months ago when she was still dating the other guy from when after about a month we broke up.

[ryan14]

you most welcome

 

Yeah I know..I guess I'm just doubting myself a little..

Just feels weird doing this with an ex...First time ever..every other ex I never talked to afterwards..granted none of them were really long relationships..Only with her..it was for 2 months shy from 3 years. It's just been so long since we broke up like a year and 8 months so it feels different ..but good though..just weird..

 

its normal to feel that way, its a new experience and no doubt you feel scared at the same time because you want it to work somehow,

 

just keep it flowing, dont let your guard down, treat this as if you were just starting to date or new acquaintance.

 

good luck and keep us posted

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah feeling a little weird about this whole situation.. feeling good but feeling uneasy as well.

She's suppose to call me tonight as well so I'll see where we are at I guess. Most likely will see her sometime this week-end or at the least early next week I think

[h_b_k_02]

I never understood why the ex would always ask me if "My parents hated her". Then I read that your ex still talks to your sister. It really makes no sense to me why they would do this.

 

My ex calls MY friends too. It just doesn't make sense. I have told her on several occasions that to be a part of my life you have to be with me, otherwise stay away from my friends.

 

Anyway, besides the point, I don't think you're being played either. Just be very cautious and be prepared for heartbreak if it does happen. But for now, you are doing just fine.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Thanks..

yeah going at it slow sounds like a plan.

Yeah it is weird that she still talked to my sister and brother in law once in a while..not too much but a few times.. my whole family loved her..

The ex used to call my family her family..especially my parents.. she would hang out at my parents place more than me at times...lol./..

[h_b_k_02]

My ex broke up with me and her parents contact me like twice a week. They are not happy at all with her decision.

 

She hasn't talked to my family at all, other than my brother a few weeks ago. But she has asked MY FRIENDS if my parents hate her and such. I guess that is a sign she wants so come back eventually, however with each passing day my expectations of allowing her to come back are lower and lower.

 

I really want to be with her so bad, but at the same time am not willing to hang around when she is seeing someone else, holding someone else's hand and kissing someone else before going home. I honestly have way too much pride for that and would never give up that pride.

 

NC will be good. But she keeps breaking it. This time though, I have a feeling she won't, at least not until next month when my birthday rolls around. By then though, I think I'll be alright.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah totally.. I wouldn't want to talk to her either especially if she's seeing someone. stick to NC.. definetly.

I stuck with the NC when my ex was dating some guy and just recently starting talking to her and sex..lol since she broke up with him 2 montyhs ago or so

[h_b_k_02]

Yeah, she was trying to tell me how I am not even considering a relationship with him. But if you are only seeing one person, I'm sorry but that is exactly what it is, a relationship.

 

I told her flat out that I wasn't going to stay around and watch her be with someone else. It really was that simple and I don't know why she continues to try and be my friend. It actually has made me want her back less if it came to that.

 

She then said that I should still want to talk to her since I love her. LMAO, girls can say the stupidest things sometimes. She actually thinks I could handle that. She knows me to be very emotional so I wish she just would have said "I want you to stick around until I have nobody again".

 

Another big issue is that if she came back to me, it would all depend on who ended things with this UGLY dude she is seeing. If he ends it, I would be skeptical. Perhaps she is just coming back out of lonliness. I don't know, she would basically be starting with 0 trust and I trust very few people in this world, it just doesn't grow on trees in my parts.