bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Hi all and thanks for reading my post. I've posted here many many times but has been a while but need a little advice again. Some of you may know my situation I had last year. Make it short...went out with a girl for 3 years..broke up , at first begged and pleaded for her to come back then she started dating someone 3 weeks later or so..They've been on and off for a year or so..They finally break up for good about 2 months ago. Anyways my ex has been calling me and contacting me alot more the past 2 weeks.Last week she called and stopped by my new place and we went out to eat and came back to my place to watch a movie. It was weird..first time I saw her in 8 months or so and she was giving me weird feelings as we were sitting on the couch.She was putting her legs on me and asking me to rub her feet etc... anyways we had a good night of chatting and catching up..we never really fought alot since after the break-up and get along. So she calls me twice yesterday as well and chatting for an hour the second time she called for over an hour about all sorts of things but she mentioned a couple of times on how I have changed alot since we broke up. You see when we were going out she wanted to have kids and get married..we were pretty serious and lived together and such but I never wanted to make the commitment of marriage or kids at the time, but she knows now that I am more mature and looking for those things and she keeps joking that I'm 2 years late with that and she missed out. Anyways the point is that really over the past year and 8 months since we broke up I never really fell out of love with her and would love to get back together but don't know how to really read girls on what they want especially an ex.. what should I do with this situation ? Leave it slide or do something ? She invited herself over this week for me to cook her dinner but thinking of pushing it back to next week as I'm really busy this week. Should I bite the bullet and see what could happen ? I still love her and talk to her parents and sister once in a while online and she always says how much she misses my family..she even went to my sisters house 3 months ago or so for dinner without me knowing until later when I found out from my sister..even think she was still with that other guy.. Anyways...what should I do ? Link to comment
smallworld Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 I think you should ask her out. She seems to be sending clear signals to you that she's available, interested, and thinks you've "changed a lot" (i.e. You're open to the idea of a house, 2.3 kids, and dog.) The fact that you've both kept strong ties with each other's families and that the split was amicable are good signs that this time it could work. Go for it! Tip: Make that dinner count. Wine, candles, music, and a single red rose on her dinner plate. Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 thanks for the advice.. Yeah it's weird but you think I should make a dinner like that.. just not sure if she's interested romantically.. she may be but like I said I can't read women and want to are thinking..haha.never have.. I'm just scared to get rejected again really..she may be interested or she may just wanna "be friends"..not sure... wish I can understand women more.. Link to comment
Bluegirl Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Hi, I would be a bit careful if I were you. She is definitely giving you the signals that she is interested in getting back together. I should know, I did the same thing to an old boyfriend years ago. I broke up with him because I felt I was too young to be too serious and I wanted to meet other people. He was really upset and I ended up going out with someone else for 8 months. My ex told me not to contact him and I didn't, although I really wanted to because I thought we might have a chance in the future. I spilt with my new romance (it was never going to be serious) and pretty much immediately got back in contact with my ex. Looking back on it now I realise how selfish I was, I wanted to have my cake and eat it so to speak. I didn't want him at the time but I wanted to keep him in the picture just in case. We did get back together for a short while but he finished it after a few months. I think going back out with me was the closure he needed to move on. You may get back with your ex and you might be lucky and it could all work out really well but do recognise that you will probably have unresolved issues that will come up again once you get back together i.e. that she was with someone else. I really hope it works out for you and that you will be happy no matter what, just take it slowly, it's a difficult road to go down. Best of luck Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 thanks bluegirl.. Yeah I totally understand what you are saying.. to be careful and all. we did have good times together but did have some bad times..that's why we eventually broke up. I've dated since them..alot actually and dating 1 girl in particular for 6 months but kept thinking of my ex.. It's a confusing time.. take a chance..get rejected again or it may all work out..big decision.. we've both grown wiser I guess and hope..she's 25 and I'm 29.... and I know for a fact that if and a big if that if we got back together her family would welcome me with open arms...the loved me..same with my family... tough call... Link to comment
smallworld Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 The reason why I recommended the dinner was cuz I thought you primarily broke up over the commitment issue and it seemed like you both were giving each other hints that you both were ready to commit. If there are other issues involved, then maybe you should try being a friend first and find out what's been going on with her since you two separated. I realize you're already on friendly terms, but it sounds like you both were living your own lives for quite some time. Why did she split with her latest ex? Does she ever see herself getting back with him? Naturally your curiosity will encourage hers and if she's interested in getting back together with you, she'll probably have quite a few questions of her own. Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 the major part of the break up was my fear of marriage and kids which led to other arguments..nothing too serious just alot of bickering near the end about everything. no cheating or anything happened while we were together. I have to admit though..when we were together she definetly put more into the relationship than I did.. She treated me well and gave me the world.she wanted marriage , kids, etc.. Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 I was also thinking about sending her an e-mail at the end of the week telling her how I feel ? Think that is appropriate or in person ? Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 I totally understand what you mean... I've been having million of thoughts in my head the past few weeks.. does she wantme back ? just friends ? should I try to get back ? Or not ? it's a really tough decision and gotta see what I'm gonna do.. pursue it or cut all ties Link to comment
heartbroken23 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Good for you Bubba.. I wish I was in your shoes... I have been without my ex for almost a year...she tried to keep me in the picture (she has a BF), wants me to be friends, I tried on and off, but fianlly told her not to contcat me..it hurts too much. She was devastated. I will definitley maintain NC for once...I ususally broke it because I felt bad that she wanted me as her friend so bad, this time I have to watch out for me...and that means NC, NC, NC... I kinda took a positive vibe from Bluegirl....it is almost exactly the way my ex is....she is with someone, but wants me in her life....I don't know, her story was kind of encouraging, Maybe my ex will act the same? I know she said she didn't love her new Bf and that it wasn't really the same as when we were together (5 years)......but she did say she if her new BF treated her good and didn't hurt her, she couldn't see breaking up with him....that is when I began NC! Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Yeah definetly.. thing is that I'm never the one that calls her up to contact her or anything..She texts me or calls me. When she had a b/f and more now that she is single. They confuse me man.... I can totally cut off contact with her now I've done so for months but she seems a little more into me lately.. really don't know what to do right now... she still makes me smile when she smiles at me though..and butterflies Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 lol man i'm gonna get a lot of hate for this, but man beat her to it then... u wanted this right? her back in your life? so show how u did, but on the inside take it with no credibility, so you don't get your hopes up. Don't use her, but really if you're going to go at it again BE ready and prepared on the inside not to get attached. Just do the bf/gf things like phone ask her how she's doing and if you two get intimate, do so. If she broke up with you once, she can do it again right? So all I say is to just be prepared and I mean really prepared. If she ever says "look I thought this would work, but it won't... i'm breaking up with you" (or anything that means she's breaking up) then be like "Phew, you saved me the trouble of doing it myself. Thanks Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 so true Mixmaster.. I am gonna do it I think.. talk to her a few more times and see her then make my decision...it's crazy but gotta try 1 last time..if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.. I'll try not wear my heart on my sleave though Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 yes! please please please remember to control the urge to want to jump back into things if she agrees to get back together. Don't invest your heart into it too soon or you could end up getting hurt all over again! Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Totally.. If for some reason we do get back together within the next month , I've already told myself this..to take it slow and to treat it like a new relationship with a new girl.. to not hop in and start living together again etc... just date here and there and see how things progress Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 oh definetly..things are a little more complicated because we did live together and were serious after nearly 3 years together. both of our families loved both of us etc... It can be complicated but can work as well.. just a gamble right now to even find out if she's on the same page. for all I know she may be not interested at all in a realtionship with me...just friends..but my gut feeling says I have a chance.. you know who really wants to stay buddy buddy with an ex after 1.5 years ? we did have some bad memories but many good ones as well.. she was the one that wanted marriage, kids etc... Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 EXCELLENT! Good point man and I want to cover this especially. The thing is that people will view the kind of guy that holds on to his heart as a player because he's not investing himself into the relationship. So he can get everything he wants from the relationship and bolt if he so chose. Now what I want to get into, however, is that far too many times people will throw themselves out there and get hurt too soon because they want and expect too much out of it. The difference is NOT turning yourself off, but being able to control when you turn it on. Sure when you've had experience and a history together, it's NOT to want to do that but THINK for a second about what could happen if you do. That's why it's so critical to hold off and be in control, otherwise letting yourself out like that could ruin it. Now the problem here is that people will go the other way, they won't show any love or relationship type stuff at all. They will totally refrain from it and that will definitely have them leaving. So the key is balance remember, not going at it too fast with too much and not putting out too little. It's very important that you're able to hold on to your heart and not get hurt. It still amazes me how people are too scared to do this sort of thing because they want the closeness and are afraid they won't get it unless they go all out. Finding love doesn't mean sacrificing yourself for it. Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 couldn't have said that better myself mixmaster.. Like I said..I still find myself in love with her but only will find out if I get to know her again and know for sure.. who know's maybe we are meant to be together but maybe not... time will tell. like the old saying goes..if you love something set it free..if it comes back then it's yours...if it doesn't then it was never meant to be.. Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Exactly..things happen for a reason...always.. she wants to come over tomorrow for dinner but I'm gonna postpone it until next week so I can gather my thoughts and figure out what I'm going to do for sure... Big decision I gotta make and have to deal with my decision afterwards if it's good or bad.. Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 wow...she just called me again... I have call display and didn't answer..gonna call her later tonight or tomorrow.. girls confuse me...haha Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Share Posted April 26, 2005 I'm sooo considering cancelling tonight with the ex ..should I ? she suppose to be stopping by my house tonight after work.. Link to comment
h_b_k_02 Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Yup, I got the text to go to lunch. I think I'll go, but I won't do anything after work if she sees me again (and she likely will). Keep i cool when talking to her. Light-hearted. You are right, are you willing to change because of her? Or have you made changes to yourself for yourself? Keep that in mind and try to decipher between the 2. Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Share Posted April 26, 2005 No...I've made the changes the past year or so for myself and I guess hse's noticed somewhat..but she's changed as well..more like how I was in a sense..going out to clubs more etc... Link to comment
h_b_k_02 Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Well then, perhaps that is a good thing. My ex changed b/c of me. So now, if I do ever get back with her, I can go back to enjoying things I use to do, and you know what, it will then be for her. But for now, I'm doing these things for myself. At almost 24 years of age, I want to get my future set out. The last missing piece to the puzzle is a girl. I thought I had her, and I am still hopeful I am right. Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Share Posted April 26, 2005 yeah for sure eh... The ex seems to be more laid back now which is good.. she used to be really really uptight about everything.. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now