Rebound r'ship lasting?

[Ated]

Hi all. I havent been posting for a while, but i still regularly read posts... Anywyas, im back cos i am curious about something.

 

Me ex dumped me because i was 'needy', 'too controlling' or whatever... When we were still togehter, he went out clubbing, drinking and smoking... la la la...anwyays, because i was 'controlling' i told him that i really don't like the fact that he even started to smoke when he knew that i really hate it when guys smoke. It became a big issue, leading into other problems. One time i even got him to admit that he was smoking marijuana!

 

Anwyays, i told him ok thats it. Just stop. If u want to be with me, quit this! quit smoking, spend more time with me instead of ur "gang" friends who smoke and enjoy being intoxicated every night.

 

I dunno if he just wanted to spite me but he kept on doing it and tellig his 'gang' that i was so contorling and stuff and so he dumped me. During the period when our relationship was rocky, he claims he met this girl... A mutual friend told me that this girl was keen on dating him... which leads me to believe that maybe he dumped me so easily because he knew that someone else liked him... So he dumped me... and i was devastated, but now moving on...

 

Anwyays, my point is... lol after a month of NC i found out from another mutual friend that they are dating.... That sort of cemnted my theory that maybe he dumped me because he knew this girl liked him and thereforeeee would say yes if he asked her out. Im wondering if she is a rebound girl or not. I think she is cos it was straight after the break up, but then maybe she isnt cos apparently (the last time my ex cotnacted me, they were togtehr gor about 5 motnsh already) *4 motnhs after our breakup...

hat makes me think that she isnt a rebound... I dunno. Again, i think that she is a rebound because straight after we broke up, they got togtehr and already being intimate...which was the turning point for me.

 

 

Evrybody, i dunno what my point is... i dunno why i wrote this... why do i still think about him. It drives me crazy.... i think im moving on, but i dunno.... am i!? Its been over a year since the break up and ive achieved so mcuh. Got into UNI... got my driver's licence...

 

 

argh.... *sigh*

[djedix]

Because you cared so much about this person, would do anything for them, and they made you happy. You might have actully loved them. But then they left, when you didn't want them to, so you can't stop thinking about it. We fill our heads with the good thoughts, and times we had with them, because that's what we miss the most. We tend to froget all the bad things that happened, and caused the relationship to die.

[michelemybell]

Ated, I know it's hard to look at your ex realistically, but the guy would've brought you down big time. He may have been fun and cute and all that, but he's not good relationship material. And when you get into a relationship, you don't want a "fixer-upper", hoping he will change. It never works. You need a guy who has his life in order, and this guy is far from it.

 

Breaking up was the best thing that could've happened to you. You got into UNI and got your driver's license as a result. Do you think that would've happened if you were still hanging out with your ex? I extremely doubt it. He would've brought you down, and you would be wasting precious years of your life trying to fix things and trying to change things with him, instead of concentrating on yourself.

 

Anyways, I for one (I'm sure many others also agree) am glad that you broke up. I wish the heartache would go away for you right now, but it will in time. Those nagging thoughts about him are just something you have to endure right now. Just make sure you are always moving forward with your life and doing good things.

you take care,

Michele

[Ated]

Hi michele, thanks for the reply. It was really encouraging. Its so funny, yesterday, i ran into a mutual friend... and i found out that the girl he dumped me for is now dumped... and the girl who i thought was a mutual friend, he is now dating. When we were together, i was paranoid and i brought her up, constantly asking, why do u always go clubbing with her... and he would say they are just friends and it was with a group bla bla... but now... it just confirms that i was right.

 

Its amazing, cos another mutual friend said that actually... she didnt really like the rebound girl, he was ACTUALLY really after that girl who i thought was a mutual friend. Talk about soap....

 

Anyways, i just give up man. U ARE RIGHT! Move forward ! WHy waste time in him. Immature, no direction... *meh* It is really disgusting how he was intimate with me for a year, break up, a month later he is intimate with a new gril... and then now, he is dating his so called 'friend'. Now only did he use me, he used the girl he dumped me for? OMG. Its just nasty.

And the third victim now is just dumb cos i thought she was a mutual friend. She KNEW how he treated me. She told me herself we are just friends, he is immature bla bla... and now? they are dating. And worse, after me, she KNEW he had sex with the recent ex girl... and she is STILL banging him...

 

some poeple man... oh well, they will reap what they sow...

 

 

my first suspicion of him cheating with me (which caused him to break up with me) is

[michelemybell]

Hi Ated,

I'm glad my post helped.

I soooo know what you are going through. I went out with a guy exactly like your ex. I was always suspicious, always looking over my back. And all my suspicions were right...but of course at the time I was told that it was just me being paranoid and clingy. I was even suspicious of his best friend's girlfriend and was told by her "He totally wants me but I would never go out with him because he's disgusting". Sure enough, they ended up sleeping together too! (She ended up going back to her boyfriend and having a baby--These people are truly pathetic!)

All I can say is try not to take it personally or that something is wrong with you. It's easy to fall into that trap. It's more of a reflection on your ex than anything else. It seems to me he likes the conquest more than anything, and that has to do with his low self-esteem and low regard for himself. He needs constant reassurance, and even if you are the most special and wonderful person, he still needs convincing by many women that he is special.

I'll bet you a million dollars it wont last with the new girl either. And if it does, she'll be looking over her back constantly because he'll do the same thing to her. Who wants to live like that anyways?! We have one life to live here and to constantly be paranoid and depressed is no way to live.

I know it hurts though--I know it's hard not to think of the good times. But just know that others have gone through this as well.

Go rent Legally Blonde (the first movie)--It's a great pick me up when you're feeling down about some guy like your ex.

You take care,

Michele

[Ated]

I swear they should create a 'pick-meup-after-a-break-up' convention where we learn to deal with all the post break up feelings, how to get back ont he horse, how to cope with 'widrawals'...

 

GEE, i just feel so dumb. But as they say.. "wat doesn't kill you only makes u stronger!"

 

Im actually reading ur posts with buba... Im on page 5... hehe a lot fo posts!! hehe I really think its great that there are people who give their personal time to help antoher. It gives me a sense of satisfaction that even though there are evil creatures in the world (exes! lol) There are mature people too. like us... And the good thing is, we are the winner of it all. We get out of an abusive relationship, we increase our self-worth, we attain skills (r'ship skills), along with other skills that you took up in order in order to prevent thinking about them...

 

*sigh* we rule! hehe

[michelemybell]

Hi Ated,

I definitely agree with you about the convention. Or maybe some kind of breakup retreat spa where you get manicures and pedicures and do fun outdoorsy stuff like rock climbing or surfing to give that extra boost of confidence and happy endorphins!

I just looked at how old you are Ated---You are way too young to be dealing with this kind of stuff!! But ya know what? If you can learn a few lessons now and avoid the same stuff again, you wont be dealing with this kind of stuff when youre older. And hopefully I dont sound like your mom (I'm 34), but do focus on school and college and have hobbies---This will ultimately be your saving grace in life when times get tough.

You know whose story is really interesting? Gwen Stefani (she's 36!). She was your age when she experienced a devastating breakup. She wrote about it, and those songs ended up on No Doubts albums. But she perservered, made a name for herself, and ended up marrying hottie Gavin

Anyways, I'm babbling. Hang in there girl. You will be okay! Trust me!!

Michele