UN90 Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 My ex fiance broke up with me a few days ago. He was my first bf I ever had. I am 27 and he is 29. Any advice on recovery? Its really hard coping with life without him. Link to comment
Carus Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 There is a lot of info on the net about coping with heartbreak....It's late here so I'll just say it is not easy...not at all... Why did you break up and is there any chance of repairing the relationship...? Stay Strong Carus* Link to comment
UN90 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 He said there is no chance of us getting back together. He stated that he is unhappy but he didn't come to me during out relationship to tell me what was bothering him Link to comment
Hurtwoman Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I am going through heartbreak and it’s huge with my partner for 7 years. I have read so much on the net and sometimes it just wasn’t for me. Let yourself cry and scream I have and still do. Not scream but cry! Keep a journal ( I write anyway) treat yourself and be kind and love yourself, what I mean is. Make sure you eat, sleep ( take care of yourself). Keep yourself busy not everyday but so you can get out and keep active. It has been a month since we broke up and two weeks since I last saw him. It hurts it really does, I can’t explain the pain the first few weeks were tough and the last two have been sad and tearful. I have felt angry and bitter towards him. I have questioned anything and even doubted myself which isn’t good. I pray for healing and strength because sometimes I feel weak and can’t understand It all. I hope you heal and hope you know that you are beautiful, deserved to be loved. Be kind to yourself, sending virtual hugs. X Link to comment
UN90 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 Hi hurtwoman. I have read a lot on the internet and also watched youtube videos but it really can't help me cope with this heartbreak. Keeping myself busy during this difficult time is really hard also because everything reminds me of him. My life revolved around him. I stopped talking to most friends because they never had anything good to say about him. I stopped talking to my parents because when we got engaged my mom over reacted and hurt me. So I am like fighting all these feelings and emotions alone and I really can't see myself going out there to find anything new to do at this time. I just want to stay at home :'( Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 In your other post, you described him. I know it hurts but you will be better off without him in the long run. Think of it as you being set free to find someone who does not put you down and treat you as if you are a problem to him. This just makes me so sad for you that you're hurting, because he is really not worth it. Ive been where you are right now, you have to reach the breaking point in your mind to know you are worth so much more . And when you do, you'll never look back at him with any feelings other then pure disgust. I'm sorry this sounds harsh but I genuinely cannot stand men who are condescending to women. Good luck (((hugs))) Link to comment
UN90 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 I just fear going back out in the dating world. People hide who they really are in the beginning and I am so afraid to get my heart broken again. Now I really can't trust anymore and that would be unfair to the other person. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I just fear going back out in the dating world. People hide who they really are in the beginning and I am so afraid to get my heart broken again. Now I really can't trust anymore and that would be unfair to the other person. It's too soon, and he has you feeling like complete and utter crap right now. You need a great deal of time to heal. When you are ready, you will be able to trust again. I thought I wouldn't either, but I did. Got my heart ripped out again but so what. I'm over that heartbreak too. You have to heal, leave the past where it belongs, and look forward to a new man who will love and respect you, and treat you everyday as if he's going to lose you. Those are the men worth keeping. Not the ones who belittle you, insult you, blame you . A person who truly loves you will not do that. They are capable of sitting down and having a normal conversation to work through things. Granted we all can have a temper here and there and say something hurtful, but geez he'd compare you to his friends gf's/wives. That is so degrading. When they want to walk away, let them. We love who we love, we can't control that. But we can empower ourselves to know there is life apart from them. It's hard for you too see it or imagine it right now, but you'll get there, in time. Don't give up :) And ya, I'll be honest, dating sucks. It's trial and error. And you may suffer more heartbreaks, but think of it as you'd be missing out on loving again, just because of that fear. That would be sad. Don't cheat yourself. Mines been broken several times over, maybe I don't even have any left there, lol. So there's no more to break! Try to stay positive, surround yourself with people who love you, try repairing your relationship with your parents, if you feel it's right. They love you, I'm sure. Link to comment
UN90 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 I will work on repairing my relationship with my parents because they are all I have right now. He always had a problem with my mom and I did tell him before that I would never choose him over my parents(never say never I guess) because he could leave me anytime and my parents would be the ones to be there for me. He made me believe that he isn't going anywhere and would never leave me which I believed (naive me again) and look at the circumstances now. He has broken up with me and I am all alone and now I have to go to my parents for comfort. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I will work on repairing my relationship with my parents because they are all I have right now. He always had a problem with my mom and I did tell him before that I would never choose him over my parents(never say never I guess) because he could leave me anytime and my parents would be the ones to be there for me. He made me believe that he isn't going anywhere and would never leave me which I believed (naive me again) and look at the circumstances now. He has broken up with me and I am all alone and now I have to go to my parents for comfort. I know it's not what you wanted nor expected, that's why they say "blood is thicker than water" meaning don't ever choose someone over family ( though in my experience that doesn't hold true bc my family is terrible) but they probably saw signs in him , as did your friends, that you couldn't see. But like I said earlier, we love who we love, and we don't want to see or hear the negatives about the person we love. I'm sorry you're going through this. But you will get through. The only one who you really can always depend on, is yourself. You never want someone to leave, but reality is that the possibility always exists. No one wants to lose their love and go to their parents, but it's only temporary. Believe in that. Link to comment
Hurtwoman Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 Hi UN90 I completely get it and understand it. I did stay home and other times I screamed and cried until my head hurt. Every morning I woke up and it was a nightmare. Had so many questions that I asked myself. I had family members and friends with their own opinions about the situation and him. When you in love it is blind! I was with my ex for 7 years and he was a step dad to my daughter. I still feel moody and upset, cry and hate the world. Take every minute by every minute, take your time with it all. I’m here if you need to chat scream or discuss it a 1000 times. Your not alone x Link to comment
Hurtwoman Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I get that and it will be hard! You will date again. Remember your heart is broken but your not broken. One day at a time x Link to comment
UN90 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 Thank you hurtwoman. Even my friends tell me they think he has someone else because when he called me today he was Sooo normal. Like no sort of empathy in his voice while I was crying on the call. It just occurred to me that for all the 4 years We were together, he never dyed his hair (he has a lot of gray hair) and all of a sudden he decided to do that. It seems strange. Maybe he did all of this to meet someone new? I could be overthinking but it does seem strange. And thinking about this now is just driving me crazy Link to comment
Hurtwoman Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 Trust me I have thought all sorts! I still do and that he is interested in someone else. I met with the EX and I was in tears he showed no emotion and was distant and cold. Cold in his messages evething. I was emotional wreck! Still am at times! I know it’s hard and it’s unbearable time for you. Sometimes I want to breakdown and can’t as my daughter is around. Don’t stay on your own if you can avoid it. A week and half after breakup I watched the Note book and cried my eyes out. It did feel good! I write not everyday but when I need to. I pray one day we have our happy ever after .... we find men who love us and won’t leave us no matter how hard it is. That we find someone who can communicate with us. For me seeing my daughter so upset makes my heart break and makes me think can I go through this again. My situation is different. Please be kind to yourself 🙏🏼♥️ Link to comment
UN90 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 Its sad how good people have to go through the worst. Take care of yourself hurtwoman. Hopefully one day we would meet our soul mates. Link to comment
Hopeful7 Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Un90 Your doing better than me my ex and I broke up 3 months ago and I am still struggling . We broke up over a misunderstanding. I thought he was cheating and he wasn't but I broke up with when I thought that and than he couldnt forgive me . I cry everyday and pray to God to heal this pain. After 2 months I thought it was getting better but now I feel bad again. Don't have advice for u but your not alone. Link to comment
UN90 Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 Don't feel bad. Everybody makes mistakes. If its meant to be then he will come back. If not then he just came into your life for a reason maybe to show you that you need to work on your trust issues and insecurity just like myself. It's really hard dealing with these things but if theres nothing you can do about it then don't worry (easier said than done ...I know lol). Just accept these things as part of life. Link to comment
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