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Unmarried mom with boyfriend and lots of sadness


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I didn’t actually know which category to post this under but hopefully this one will do.


I have been in a relationship with the father of my only child for 4 years. My child is 2 and the light of my life. He was unplanned and a complete shock to the system. The day I told my boyfriend he told me to abort and stuck to his guns. Should have left him then and there. My pregnancy was really sad and lonely. I was torn between shame and pure love for my baby. Fast forward to now, his dad adores him.


My partner, let’s call him Pops, is 35 and lives with his folks. He has another child who is 11 who lives there with them. He has made no effort to move out to be with me. Says he wants to marry me but hasn’t proposed or bought a ring or any of the formalities. Granted the situation is complicated because he is foreign and can’t get permanent employment. Anyway, I have a home and job but I don’t earn too much. I work shifts and have to stay there when I do because of my baby. I need the help looking after him at nights but Pops doesn’t actually stay with our son through the night him mom does. He refuses to change a nappy because “it’s gross.”


I don’t actually know what my question is but I am so unhappy and I feel stuck. I’ve seriously threatened to leave twice in the last year and he has promised me the world only to revert to the same old ways. I’m trying to study part time and he said to me, “what boyfriend supports someone who isn’t his wife while they study?” I was shocked and so sad.


He happily speaks a language I don’t understand when I am in their house. I’m actually in tears typing this because today I left unhappy because I was trying to study but he was too busy watching tv to help me with our child. He says no matter what I have a problem and he is right, I am overly emotional all the time because of my unhappiness and the smallest things trigger me.


If I bring up issues he says he doesn’t feel like fighting and will walk away, ignore my texts. This just infuriates me further.


I really don’t know how to find happiness and contentment and I am just so sad.


Any advice will really be welcomed.

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Yup, this guy is Father of the Year!


You should get him to pay child support and use your money to find an apartment or a roommate situation and move away from this guy. He is emotionally abusing you, which is why you're in tears all the time. He takes no responsibility for anything. Google "emotional abuse" and you will see all the signs your bf is demonstrating. Also the guy sounds like a pig, and you shouldn't expect him to propose or anything.


Don't bother threatening to leave. He'll say anything to get you to stay and then just go back to abusing you. You've got to get out and live your own life. You will not regain your self esteem and self respect until you get away from this guy.

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