What to do

[Pleasehelp14]

Hi,

I recently broke up with my gf about a month ago, I was living with her in a flat for a good 8/10 months. She is an awesome girl who was amazing to me and was very caring at all times. In this time I was taking medication for my ocd, which I believed numbed a lot of my feelings and emotions in general towards her. But I always knew we had a great connection. During our time together we did have some ups and downs and plenty of arguments. Over the Christmas period was the worst and we had a very bad 3 week patch. In this time I ended up messaging my friend about a girl who kept popping up on my radar, long story short I said things to my friend I shouldn’t of like how lovely she looked or if she liked me etc... before this tho there were many other things i didn’t do in the relationship. For example I took her for granted and didn’t treat her properly at all. I now know this.

I was on medication for ocd as I have it quite bad and she knew my head inside out, she was amazing at helping me through my thoughts when things got tough and is the only person who iv ever opened up to properly about my ocd. She really was amazing, which I respect her heaps for. But as I was taking medication and smoking a lot of pot, my emotions and feelings were numb and I stupidly just didn’t see how I was acting towards her and how I was just pushing her further and further away.

Eventually she went down my phone and found these messages to my friend about this girl which I had totally forgot about. Which basically was the final straw for her. I’m now back at home and missing her deeply.

Roughy 10 weeks ago I came off my medication and have now completely stopped smoking pot. So iv basically had all my emotions and feelings come rushing back to me and I finally feel human again after rough 6-8 years of being on meds. My ocd is still there but I’m managing.....just.

Iv tried to tell her that because of these meds I was on they numbed all my real feelings for her and Iv now realised that I love this girl to bits more then anyone else iv ever been with. I now realise how much of a head I had been through the relationship and how stupid I was not to see it but again the mediation was blocking these feelings.

She’s told me iv pushed her away for the last 6 months and her finding that on my phone was the last straw.

Now 2 weeks later she goes out and gets with this guy I had a feeling she liked, but denies And tells me she just wants to be single. I really don’t believe this and think she’s genuinely seeing this guy, as I know she doesnt like being by herself.

Since we broke I have changed massively, I feel great for not being on medication, and pot can do one,I never want to touch that stuff again. I’m busier at work, earning more money. My ocd is actually better also. It’s like this break up was needed to happen to sort my life out. I’m basically becoming the person she wanted this whole time in the relationship!

Now I really do love this girl and honestly believe I’f I’d had another chance we would be stronger then ever, like amazing!! I now see her in my future I want to make up for the 6 months of being a bf. Being off these tablets have really made me realise what I want. Which is her. But she’s not buying it and has basically said her feelings have changed etc. She does believe the tablets played a part tho. But she doesn’t no how iv changed I guess. Iv got a skiing holiday next week with some friends which I’m hoping will really clear my mind. I’m worried I’m gonna be feeling pants tho.

Do you think I have any chance of getting her back? I mean it has been just under a month so i guess it’s not enough time for her emotions to settle with me? We have spoke a little and I’m acting as if everything is ok, but really I’m sad and want this girl back. It makes it incredibly harder keeping contact aswell, as It just prolonges the pain but if I loose that I keep thinking she will move on and forget me. She has said shed always be here for me tho, which I find confusing....

What do you suggest my next step

Is? Do I leave her be for a few more weeks? Is she going to end up with this guy? Shall I try and move on?

 

Thanks

USA

[DanZee]

Well, the current thinking is that OCD can't be "cured" but can be kept under control with medications and therapy, so I'm worried about you being off of medication and not getting therapy. I'm afraid it's going to reoccur and that won't be good for you or your relationships. You may be feeling fine at the moment, but it might not last.

 

Also having constant arguments is bad for a relationship and you haven't talked about who started these arguments (I'm guessing you) and what they're about (maybe accusing your girlfriend of cheating and insulting her). People with OCD are wracked with doubt and guilt and that may have played into the arguments.

 

I think your girlfriend hung in as long as she could and she's moving on. You should move on too and bring what you've learned into your next relationship. For now, hang out with your friends and just heel. And also be careful of any signs of OCD creeping back and get help for it.

 

Doubt and guilt

[MissCanuck]

I think you need to leave her be now. She tried to be there for you but it sounds like she finally had enough and lost interest in saving this.

 

Focus on getting better treatment for your OCD. Have you been on any medication without also using marijuana? I can't imagine that your prescription was compatible with pot. That combination clearly wasn't working for you. Are you going to see your doctor again?

 

I think your ex will have a hard time completely believing that it was solely your OCD treatment behind this. You focus on your dulled feelings, which I do acknowledge can be affected by medication, but that doesn't explain your poor judgment in secretly talking to another girl and seeking out her attention. Your ex won't forget that betrayal, even if she sees you doing better off this particular Rx and the pot. There was still a pretty deep violation of trust that can't be fixed by changing up your course of treatment.

 

Whether or not she stays with this new guy is anyone's guess. Your best bet is to focus on moving forward and getting healthy on your own. You need to get to a more stable emotional state for your benefit. Perhaps you two will reconnect in the future, but I can just about promise you she won't be open to it any time soon.

[Nano]

I think you’re being a bit selfish here, your whole post is about your own needs and not hers. Now you’re facing all your feelings at once but she’s probably been feeling them for MONTHS and she still stuck it out with you, but now she’s hurt and she’s decided it’s enough.

 

If you truly do love her like you say you do, wouldn’t you want her to find some peace and happiness? Even with someone else?

 

Let her be and work on yourself now.

[Pleasehelp14]

Well I believe that the ocd did play a part in my emotions and feelings towards her and the use off pot really didn’t help. I’m

Off that now and the meds and feel much better. My ocd was worse being on medication so maybe just therapy will help If the ocd returns. Iv had it all my life and I know exactly how it can cause my mind to think very irrational. Now I believe my head is a lot stronger, get triggers all day but they are less without the meds and cope with them remarkable well. I used it solely as I was depressed around 3 years ago and just carried on taking it when really I could of been off it months go.

 

I do however believe I should leave her alone which is what I am doing, and tbh I’m already feeling better. Iv done extensive research about ocd and thoughts and can now rationalise with my mind so much better. I also do respect her and want her to be happy. I do feel iv been given a new lease of life and will carry on with this atitittude towards it. Iv made some big changes in my life and believe they are all helping towards me healing.

 

Sometimes I think I was just emotionally attached so when that goes I feel lost, especially in the first few weeks of a break up. Same happened to my last relationship, broke up felt lost then realised she wasn’t for me when I got my emotions in check. Maybe this girl wasn’t either, who knows.... time will tell.

 

Thanks