Three some.

[onachaseforu]

I have a friend who has been in a relationship with her man for 11 years. They even have a child together. She asked me for advice but I don’t what to tell her. What’s your pros and cons of a threesome?

[annie24]

Well, what do you think could be some pros and cons? The pro is that it can be fun. The con is that unless there are some strict ground rules, there can be some really hurt or upset feelings. Your friend should talk to her husband/boyfriend about who they would choose (would it be a mutual friend or a stranger?), a male or female, and if this is an ongoing thing or just once, and then what type of sex is allowed or is not, etc.. You can certainly guess that it would be easy to have a lot of hurt feelings and jealousy and miscommunications.

[IAmFCA]

I have married friends who do, most who don't, some who imagine but don't act.

 

The pros and cons are specific to the individuals involved. Most important is for each person to know themselves well enough to identify, in detail, what is important to them and what is a breach of boundaries. Each party needs to be comfortable as a self-advocate. The couple needs to be united as to choice and treatment of the third. My 3some friends are secretly bisexual, friends with their other people, have few concerns about privacy except with respect to work, and are comfortable negotiating with each other about sexual permissiveness.

 

All the same rules apply as with any casual/non-monogamous encounter. Condoms. Physical and emotional safety. Clear boundaries and respect for same. Absolute and non-negotiable protection of the child - he or she needs to be out of the house.

 

None of us can advise you as your friend. It is a very personal choice.

[IAmFCA]

Are you specifically impacted by this idea?

[Clio]

It doesn't sound like your friend is particularly excited about the idea. If this is the case then imo, this is one of the "if in doubt, don't" situations. Both parties need to be 100% on board and very clear about boundaries (who, what, how, what happens afterwards etc) and even then one can never be sure how they will feel afterwards if they haven't done it before.