Money matters

[Mikaila]

Hi All,

 

In the end my date yesterday went well (my issue with sex did not even came out, we just made out a bit and relaxed at my house so, good on that side)

 

The thing is this though.

 

Since we have been going out I noticed something about him.

 

For our second date, I suggested with went to try a restaurant I wanted to try, and went the bill came, it was 40 £ I suggested we split the bill (40 seemed a lot to me at once and since it had been my idea...), he said yes. And actually I was happy about this because my ex never ever let me pay for anything, (he wanted to be only FWB so I think it was a control issued with him).

 

When we went to theater, he paid for the tickets (again 40£), during the interval they were selling ice-cream so I said "Would you like to have ice-cream?" thinking of paying it for both of us (I like to split "expenses" when we go out) but he gave the excuse that he was still full from dinner but he asked if I wanted some (I really did not, it just was something I thought of suggesting) I said no but when we went to a bar afterwards I paid for the drinks.

From that date one it has been going on like that (going to a pub he pays for the drinks and then for the entrance to a club and then I pay for drinks at the club).

 

Yesterday we met at 1. Initially the plan was to have lunch into town and then with his car going to the museum (which is near my house), staying at my house and then going to the movies.

 

We immediately collected the car and went our way, when we were in car he said "oh we were supposed to have lunch. I forgot." I said no big deal, there is good pub near my house, and he said "I would probably have something light as I had a big breakfast at 9.30". At the pub, we ended up choosing from these options where you could save something if you chooses two from this particular dishes' list, his dish wasn't light at all, it was curry, but I noticed he did not order a beer only a orange juice (in pubs you have to order and pay directly at the bar so he paid for it).

 

Later we went to see the movie, he paid for the tickets, they were selling ice-cream and I was actually hungry because it was dinner time, so again with the intention to pay for both of us I asked the same thing as I did a theatre and he said he was till full but if I wanted to and I said I will pay and we both had ice-cream.

 

The episodes with the ice-cream don't bother me so much, because on both he had spent already money on other things during the day, so next time I will not make it a question and just say that I will pay for it from the beginning. But the excuse for wanting a light lunch bothers me. Am I overthinking here? He just bought an house and I can understand he is not willing to spend money, and maybe that about the lunch was an awkward way of phrase it or maybe he just changed his mind. It is just, I thought I had already showed him that I am willing to share the expenses and I never choose something expensive.

 

What do you say?

[figureitout23]

Yeah, you're overthinking. Or I'm not clear on what the exact issue is. Money? Who pays for what? Your outings are too expensive? I wasn't clear.

[Mikaila]

Yeah, you're overthinking. Or I'm not clear on what the exact issue is. Money? Who pays for what? Your outings are too expensive? I wasn't clear.[/quote

 

Yes that's that. And also I have trust issues. After last time, I overanalyse everything. What worries me is that I will not see any red flags like last time and now everything seems a red flag. It is like I want see only red flags.

[Starlight925]

What worries me is that I will not see any red flags like last time and now everything seems a red flag. It is like I want see only red flags.

 

It's very common after a bad situation to overly analyze so as to recognize red flags earlier. Trouble is, you can see red flags that aren't really there.

 

In this instance, I think you're overthinking. I think it's very kind of you to offer to get the ice cream, etc., and to accept/appreciate graciously when he pays.

[mustlovedogs]

He may have actually been full? I genuinely don’t understand the concern

[Jackfan221]

Your just like me when it comes to overthinking. It can be a burden, I would say try to read his body language when you insist on paying for something,