Does Trust ever come back?

[Canon]

My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years and I have been faithful and supportive and loving 100%. But we have a history of on again/off again dating over the span of 10 years. About a year before we were married and 6 months before we were engaged, we were dating and another woman was interested in me and went as far as to send me very revealing photos in a facebook message. I responded but we never took it beyond that and I mostly was dismissive as I had zero interest in a physical or emotional relationship and it ended there. Two years later and over a year into my marriage, the other woman looks up my wife and messages her the entire conversation (while we were at a hotel celebrating her birthday, no less). She was understandably devastated and has struggled with trusting me since then. But we've been working on it. She knows my passwords, we share our locations automatically on iPhone, I tell her who I'm with and how long I'll be there. It's still a struggle but we manage.

 

But two nights ago while on Instagram, a former colleague from long ago shared a memory from a Super Bowl that I happened to have attended. I commented that I had, she responded "prove it!" so I shared a photo of myself and my buddy at the game from 10 years ago. If it had been on facebook it would have been in the comments for all the public to see but since Instagram doesn't work that way, I sent it via Direct Message with the quote "proof". She responded "it looks photoshopped! haha jk".

 

That was the extent of the conversation but the responses popped up while my wife and I were looking at my instagram together for ideas for a project we are working on together and she instantly presumed the worst and two days later she is still furious and threatening to leave and how heartbroken she is that I'm messaging other women. I can genuinely say that there is less than zero attraction to this woman and I definitely had no intentions of any kind whatsoever and didn't anticipate that kind of reaction. But I can also see from her perspective, any private message with anyone who isn't a relative can be suspicious, especially with our history.

 

The bottom line, I know I can eliminate interaction with all females who aren't related to me and I know I can stop giving her reasons to be suspicious. But does trust every really come back or are we doomed to fail? I love my wife more than anything and we just found out we are pregnant with our second child. I just want her to be happy but I've never seen her more hurt in my life.

[reinventmyself]

I don't think you can eliminate all females. . but how about eliminating all means of social media for the time being?

 

Trust is earned and easily lost. This is just going to take some time.

You wife feels insecure for good reason. Feeling unsafe just doesn't go away overnight.

 

What I don't get is . why would someone out you 2 years after the fact? That's just odd.

[Canon]

Because of my career I can't eliminate social media. It's a major part of my work. As unbelievable as it sounds, it's what actually happened. She had gotten in trouble with the law and I think there was an amber alert search for her I had heard about after our last message. But she went as far as to change her account name to my name before she messaged my wife. I showed my best friend because even he said it sounds fishy but it seems she was very unstable.

[Canon]

So my wife and I talked about it more today and she says she doesn't feel like I'm attracted to her. She said there are times that I've come home and my face smelled like a woman's privates (which i can guarantee is impossible). She constantly brings up relationships that happened prior to our marriage. She is so self conscious and I don't know what to do to make it better. I knew it was a struggle and I never expected that something as simple as a non-flirtatious interaction on instagram would turn into this. I'm desperate to save my marriage because I know I have not and will never be unfaithful to my wife. What do I do?!

[reinventmyself]

So my wife and I talked about it more today and she says she doesn't feel like I'm attracted to her. She said there are times that I've come home and my face smelled like a woman's privates (which i can guarantee is impossible). She constantly brings up relationships that happened prior to our marriage. She is so self conscious and I don't know what to do to make it better. I knew it was a struggle and I never expected that something as simple as a non-flirtatious interaction on instagram would turn into this. I'm desperate to save my marriage because I know I have not and will never be unfaithful to my wife. What do I do?!

 

Marriage counseling. I think that's all you have left go with. Clearly this is getting out of hand.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It may be best to go through your social media and delete/block women from when you were single if it's causing you this kind of grief. You can tell her and the whole world 'it's nothing, i'm not attracted etc etc.' but your wife is pregnant with your child and upset by this so you need to stop these things from cropping up at the most inopportune times.

I love my wife more than anything and we just found out we are pregnant with our second child. I just want her to be happy but I've never seen her more hurt in my life.