Struggling with social awkwardness

[Springs]

Hi everyone

For the past few months in particular I’ve been really struggling socially in work. It’s really getting me down and feel my self esteem and confidence is non existent at the moment. I’ve always been a generally shy person I suppose, but recently I feel I’m in a horrible rut of constantly getting embarrassed over nothing and then getting angry at myself for being like that and feeling like crap afterwards.

 

The problem seems to be socialising in groups of more than 2 people. I feel like I’m fine 1:1 for the most part and I’m sure people would think I’m quite chatty on a personal level. But when I’m around more than 2 people, I feel so self conscious and the smallest thing makes me feel embarrassed for no actual reason. I absolutely hate being the centre of attention, I feel like nothing I say is valuable and I feel so frustrated with myself for feeling this way! I’m 31 and in a professional job and can’t understand why this is so bad at the moment.does anyone else feel this way or does anyone have any advice or tips on how I could overcome this? It’s starting to really get me down!

[Betterwithout]

Practice, Practice, Practice.

I know what you are going through. I was much much more shy and socially awkward in my teens and 20's.

Now I am much more extroverted and confident. I did a lot of reading on the subject and I think that but MOSTLY experience and time really paid off since I got involved in more social situations out of my comfort zone in my 30's.

 

Look for social clubs to belong to in your area, cooking classes. Night school. Volunteer, I heard Improv comedy classes are a great way to shed social awkwardness.

 

Change the way you spend your free time. Put the phone down, turn off the internet, and TV, instead... get outside and force yourself to get "out" in most of your free time. This will help immensely.

Hope that helps,

 

Good luck.

[reinventmyself]

I am somewhat like you. I get along with most people one on one. The moment the numbers go up I get quiet.

After so many years I have just learned to embrace the way I am.

 

I happen to have a lot of friends and I think if I were to let the fact that I can be somewhat shy at times rattle me, the outcome might be different.

 

You aren't going to suddenly blossom into the most popular person, but by owning it and having some confidence in the fact that you are somewhat introverted, you can navigate social situations without having to put undo pressure on yourself to be someone you are not.

 

Shy or not, you will always have value and your closest friends with appreciate that. I am often, if not always included despite being known as the quiet one.

When I do talk in a group, people listen :)

 

If you go into it feeling like you ought to be different than you are, then you become insecure and awkward.

 

You need to own and embrace who you are before anyone else will.

[lyndahudson]

Hello There,

 

This is actually social anxiety disorder you're going through with. it's common between many people and you can easily get rid of this disorder you just have to put some confident in yourself. There could be many reasons for social anxiety. we are more likely to develop social anxiety if people in our immediate family suffer from it And while that leads us to think that anxiety traits are genetically inherited it’s not the end of the story. Or let’s say it’s not the only story!

 

See, it's not only our immediate family experience of course. Children who experience bullying, teasing, humiliation, rejection or social embarrassment of some kind tends to develop social anxiety disorder in their adulthood.

 

Another reason for social anxiety disorder because of an 'over-active amygdala'. The amygdala (to be accurate we have two of these, one in each hemisphere) is a part of the brain that is involved in recognising our emotions and in forming our responses to those emotions. In very simplistic terms it’s particularly sensitive to fear because fear is an intrinsic part of our survival ‘kit’. The amygdala recognises fear and prepares us for how to respond appropriately to danger, which of course is a good thing. For example it’s sensible not to trust every stranger we meet but it’s way out of proportion to be terrified every time we are introduced to someone new!

 

Some experts think that it’s possible to have ‘an ‘overactive amygdala’ … a heightened fear response that could be at least partially responsible for social anxiety.

 

To overcome social anxiety disorder, Cognitive-behaviour therapy (CBT) is the treatment of choice for social phobia. It involves changing the way you think, feel and behave in social situations. There are self-hypnosis audios available on the internet which could be really useful for you.

[TWG]

I definitely recommend developing yourself and becoming closer to your inner self. Get to know you! Have some moments of deep personal honesty and find the source of this nervousness. It's probably something that happened when you were a child, either an experience or something your parents said. Find the source, and start healing, caring for yourself. Not in an ego way, but in an appreciative way. This honesty and self love will give you that core foundation of inner strength to speak to 10 or 10 thousand people. Getting yourself a hobby, playing an instrument, shooting pool as a skill, a sport, bicycle maintenance, find something to be into, and you'll have great material for conversations. Ask people to share about themselves too, and use active listening skills, with supportive statements to shift the focus to their passions, interests and life. Do these things and you'll be better!