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Is this controlling behavior or am i overreacting?


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i really dont know where to start. Ive been living with my dad and step mom since as far as i know.My stepmom has been in my life since i was 4. Now Im 18 about to turn 19 next month. I always feel more reserved and quiet around her because of how she acts. She tends to yell a lot and i feel its mostly directed at me. She gets about small stuff and makes remarks about my apperance.


For more background I'm black and ive recently went natural. A few years ago i asked my parents to go natural and they said no my moms attitude towards it really upset me. She kept going on about how unproffesional it was how i would look like a boy the unkeep was too much your hair doesn't grow etc. Shes let me go natural now but get viewpoint hasnt changed.She only sees natural hair as nice when its in nice curls and not kinky and "unprofessional". She says i never take care of my hair when i do and i do what she had told me to do with it and she still doesn't feel satisfied and keeps threatening a perm.She tells me to find a new style and when i do says i look like a boy a little girl it breaks off my hair etc.

She is also really obsessed with the notion of me having sex with my boyfriend. Im a virgin but she always accuses me of trying to go off and have sex shes tells me stuff like how "ungodly" it is for me to to even think about sex or how i had a bad spirit in me. When we on a vacation to florida she kept saying i was walking funny and she kept bringing this up and made me extremely uncomfortable,i was walking normal. She kept demanding me to tell her why i was walking funny.She would take a picture of me and show it to me and tells me "that's hoes you be looking".She goes on and on criticizes my appearance even called 5 times while i was at the mall with my cousin to ask what I'm buying when im spending my own money and criticize me for not buying "cute" tennis shoes.


Whenever she's upset she's always taking it out on me lately she's been sick and her moods has been up and down shes keeps yelling over the smallest thing like she told be to take out some stuff to the trash and i thought she meant the stuff on the trashcan but she meant stuff on the fridge and shes yells at me to come here and starts criticizing and attacking me asking me what's wrong with me and how i would listen to my boyfriend if he asked me about sex and threats about me getting a perm.


Oh and my parents look through my phone through my messages to see if in talking about sex or talking about them. My mom has even responded to my boyfriend when she has taken my phone. My dad says my stepmom has issues with her moods but he basically backs anything she says


Idk if my overreacting towards this is not even half of what i wanted to say though i know its long.i want to eventually have a good relationship with my stepmom but being in this house feels impossible. Idk if I'm being bratty desiring to move out.

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I’d be looking to get out if I were you.


I can say she sounds controlling and borderline abusive but she probably “means well” and thinks she’s helping. Parents (and step parents) are not perfect and if you’re living with her you’re subjected to her way.


Have you ever tried telling her how you feel when she yells/criticizes you?

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Yeah i have she always says I'm "playing games" or putting up an innocent front.She says she wouldn't yell if she didn't care and that a mother wouldn't let her child walk around "any kind of way". She has a limited scope of things she likes and she's really hard to please.

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Unless the law's different in your country of origin, your parents have no jurisdiction over you at all. Sure, they won't agree. There's nothing they can do about it other than make your life unpleasant - which is happening already - because you are legally an adult.


The real problem here is your lack of confidence; is there any way you can get any kind of moral support or counselling, to help you break away in an emotional sense?

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