is gettin a gf and date hard these days

[joe45]

ok is it just me or is finding a gf or even a date a hard thing. 24 yr old never had gf or dated before. before i was shy and quiet guy, now changing and being more talktive to ppl but still lack friends to hang out with- mostly ppl who are aquiatances-classmates. to u guys is it really hard to find a date or gf for the typical college guy or is it just me not trying hard enough.

yes i read in an article about gals apporaching guys and askin em out...... well this never ever happened to me. what do u do. i have posted my pic here before and most ppl sayt i am avg to good looking.

some ppl tell me to be friends with the gal first then ask her out others say jsut ask her out after small talk ... so hard to even figure out of askign out for a date and finding a gf or even a date.

the thing is i never even had a female friend before in my life i have had guy friends but not many just one or 2 close ones, i wish i was a groupie once in my life.

ppl tell me to join clubs, org.... i done it did it -most ppl end up being aquitances and not friends so whats the use. ppl these days seem to have thier own life and friends and don't want to hang out with me for some reason.

i do make sacrasatic comments- an exdample, not sure if its turning em off.

john-i have a friend who has 3 tests in one day

me-wow luckly guy hey

john-wowo the story we have to read this week is long hey-(10 pages story)

me-yea they should have made a novel out of it

basically i am asking is making friends and gettin a date or even gf really hard these days or is it just me-weird , sacrastic personaltity. i also laugh at my own jokes that i make -not sure if the person would think it is funny or not. maybe that turns ppl off

[MetallicAguy]

Well, you've heard of "getting through the door" right? It's basically about looks at first. So you have to change your appearance. Oh and I saw your pic, I read something in this article that asian guys usually are behind socially and such, the reason? Don't know that's just what it said. So basically you have to get talkative, which is good I'm glad your doing that. And the way to maintain having friends is getting them to laugh, whether it be like 5 times to several, just do it, it keeps a friend like that [snaps fingers]. Sorry man, I'm just a brutally honest type of person, but your pic I'd say it's average and no higher, I don't think you'd be classified as good-looking, people just didn't want to hurt your feelings. Oh and the thing about girls, just to prepare you for them, their more mature they don't talk about what was on Monday Night football last night or anything like that lol. But that doesn't mean they get a kick out of guy humor, it just has to be not disgusting-ish or too boring. If you bore a girl, your going to be embarrassed and feel like a loser, if your talking to them watch for hands that just hang, like in the air, off of a desk at school, a table anything, or resting their head on a hand. And don't talk about stupid stuff like the weather, what homework was 2 days ago, an exam, etc. Ask open-end questions like what her favorite type of music is and such. That way she knows either your trying to be friends with her or wanting to get to know her more than friends depending on your facial expression. And if your going to ask a girl out get to know the girl for at least 2 weeks before you ask them outthat way she knows what you're like and all that. Don't worry if she turns you down, maybe she doesn't like shy guys, eventually by this time your even TALKING to a girl I think you have the confidence and outgoingness to not be shy anymore. Good luck man.

 

 

**And when your talking to her; ask her all about herself, DON'T tell her ALOT about yourself you want to keep it little, that's why she will want to go out with you because she doesn't know all that much about you (this is when your first meeting girls).

[lusitana]

I've said it before - usually when defending internet dating - and I'll say it again: In an age where bossy old ladies aren't matching us up, it's much harder to find compatible people.

 

So MetallicaGuy, I met this guy three weeks ago and then ran into him again last weekend. Should he have asked me out by now if he was interested or do I have to run into him twelve more times before that's allowed (probably sometime in 2007)?

[Belinda]

Finding someone you truley love is always going to be a long and arduous journey. Usually when you dont look it appears. Sweet irony loves us all.

 

As for girls approaching guys, forget what youve read, hardly any decent girl does that anymore. And shy ones? Definatly not.

In the city I live, if I girl approaches you , she only wants a one night stand, or a fling. So be careful

Good luck...

[Raspberry]

As for girls approaching guys, forget what youve read, hardly any decent girl does that anymore. And shy ones? Definatly not.

In the city I live, if I girl approaches you , she only wants a one night stand, or a fling. So be careful

Good luck...

 

That advice might all be very well and good, but I must point out to joe45 that if you are living somewhere like the USA, then advice relating to experience in Japanese culture is unlikely to be helpful.

 

That also goes the other way around too.

[Belinda]

Lol, your statement is incredibly funny, considering Im an Australian.

I have quite a number of friends (aussies and americans alike) that tell me some parts of the USA are alot worse than even Australia!

[Expression]

I completely empathise with you joe45; everyone's just always aquaintences eh? Or what I like to call, "short-term friends" - people you know only for the duration of the session(s) you met them in.

 

I posted a topic a while back about getting the foot in to try and plant some chance at establishing a real friend.

 

To me at least, it does seem like the older you get, the harder it is to really meet others - perhaps because the maturing process reinforces everyone's boundaries to the friendships/relationships they wanna maintain, and when they can't be bothered with any more newcomers.

 

But what do I know, I was told I thought too much about this...

[Raspberry]

Lol, your statement is incredibly funny, considering Im an Australian.

I have quite a number of friends (aussies and americans alike) that tell me some parts of the USA are alot worse than even Australia!

 

Could have sworn it said Japan on your location?

 

Anyhow, I will dispute your claim, because I didn't think it was correct/relevant to joe45's situation at all.

 

As for girls approaching guys, forget what youve read, hardly any decent girl does that anymore. And shy ones? Definatly not.

 

My empirical experience has seen that contradicted many times, particularly at my university (in Melbourne!), in two months alone. Nothing "indecent" about those "girls" (i.e. women).

 

In the city I live, if I girl approaches you , she only wants a one night stand, or a fling.

 

I find it hard that the cultural divide is so big between two cities so close.

 

Of course, you have to take time and place as an indicator as to a woman's motivation: a night club is vastly different to the local hobby/sports club, which is where joe45 has been going to meet people.

 

=====

 

Anyway, joe45, why not take a punt and try to "open doors" with people.

 

In my experience, I have found that people have opened doors to more friendships/acquaintences by striking at conversations with people.

 

For example, when trying to find a book in a bookshop on campus for one particular subject this year, I asked someone in the section where the history books were where the book I needed was. They just happened to be doing the same subject and he started blabbering on about the subject and the lecturers. Now I see this person now and again and say hello and chat a bit.

 

It's not much, but doing (initating) these sorts of spontaneous conversations "a lot", like the guy above, could really increase your chances of having more friendships, male and/or/female, and who knows, maybe further?

[Belinda]

Anyhow, I will dispute your claim, because I didn't think it was correct/relevant to joe45's situation at all.

 

Im telling him my advice, from my experience. Of course theres never going to be a correct answer, and I dont think anyone will completely know this guys complete problem from one post.

Im only trying to let him see the situation from different perspectives.

Please dont attack me for that.

[ComputerGuy]

Having just moved to Geelong myself, I cant add my experience here really as I dont have one...in fact other than my family, Belinda is the only person down here I know. However, in Darwin where I am from, its just as Belinda described, I cant really add much to it at all.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Dude I am havuing a terrible time getting dates and finding a gf, and I am a very good looking guy. First, I need to get a decent pick on link removed, they are all too far away. Next, I gotta find a chick who isn't hung up on her ex bf who is looking for another masochistic experience or a shrink

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

pic, not pick

[corvidae]

I think he does mean 'pick'; as in selection.

 

I can't get a girlfriend Well, maybe I could get some frumpy, neurotic person with a contagious skin disease, but what I mean is, I can't get someone whom I'd want to go out with me, to go out with me. This nonsense about women asking men out or making the first move is either not true, or I'm being specifically ignored for some diabolical reason known only to women. Oh well!