Starting to transition into the angry phase

[my3lans]

I won't lie. I still love him. I still miss him. But now I'm starting to get angry. Why couldn't he just have the balls to tell me he wanted out? Why did he have to ghost? And why can't I get a good reason besides this "I'm overwhelmed right now with my job and (grown) kids" bull? I was good to him. I was good for him. HE is the one that started saying "I love you" and wanting us to move in together and wanting our (grown) kids to meet, etc. Yes, it developed quickly. But we had known each other for so long before we started dating it just didn't feel that way. It felt good. It felt right. We were both finally happy. And then the very next week....

 

I am still struggling to understand. Each day I cry a little less. But I'm struggling now to control my anger. I want to let everyone know what a wuss he was and that he's not the "great and wonderful guy" everyone thinks he is. I know I need to be the bigger person but it's so hard for me to do. I deserved a better ending that what I got. I deserved REAL answers. And I'm angry that I'm never going to get them.

 

I want to punch him. I'm deliberately avoiding a funeral for parents of mutual friends because I don't want to run into him. I am just not able to control my emotions right now and don't want to cause a scene.

 

I cannot wait until after the holidays so I can start my kickboxing class!

 

Just a vent.

[Steve Z]

I know how you feel. I recently was dumped about a month ago and really didn’t get a solid explanation either. What you need to do is focus on improving yourself and everything else will come with time. It’s what I’ve been doing and sure I think about her everyday still but if you keep pushing forward everything will be okay.

[my3lans]

I know how you feel. I recently was dumped about a month ago and really didn’t get a solid explanation either. What you need to do is focus on improving yourself and everything else will come with time. It’s what I’ve been doing and sure I think about her everyday still but if you keep pushing forward everything will be okay.

 

I'm working on it. Of course it the majority of it has to wait until after the holidays. But I'm getting a totally new hairstyle, nails, spray tan, teeth whitening, etc. next week. I just finished grad school so I'm going to start looking for a higher paying job and reading more for pleasure. I'm getting back in the gym and I've signed up for kickboxing. I'm also moving my daughter into a new apartment next week and at the end of January, I'm moving to a new place on 3 acres. I'm excited about all of it. I know I'll be okay eventually. I'm still in a little bit of shock because this literally came out of nowhere and I have NO IDEA why. NONE.

[Steve Z]

Yeah mine came out of no where too if you read my posts. She claims it’s cause of school but like I said only time will tell what the reason is. Keep grinding!!

[reinventmyself]

If you were to read up on the stages of grief, anger is one of them.

The good news, if there is any, it's one of the healthier stages and a sign that you are indeed moving on.

 

Just be careful you don't get stuck there.

 

The end goal, acceptance.

Hang in there.

[SweetGirl28]

The anger stage is a pretty good place to be. It will keep you motivated.

Don't hold out for a better reason on why. It doesn't matter.

Norhing will change the fact that he disappeared. Sorry :(

[lilyv]

I won't lie. I still love him. I still miss him. But now I'm starting to get angry. Why couldn't he just have the balls to tell me he wanted out? Why did he have to ghost? And why can't I get a good reason besides this "I'm overwhelmed right now with my job and (grown) kids" bull? I was good to him. I was good for him. HE is the one that started saying "I love you" and wanting us to move in together and wanting our (grown) kids to meet, etc. Yes, it developed quickly. But we had known each other for so long before we started dating it just didn't feel that way. It felt good. It felt right. We were both finally happy. And then the very next week....

 

I am still struggling to understand. Each day I cry a little less. But I'm struggling now to control my anger. I want to let everyone know what a wuss he was and that he's not the "great and wonderful guy" everyone thinks he is. I know I need to be the bigger person but it's so hard for me to do. I deserved a better ending that what I got. I deserved REAL answers. And I'm angry that I'm never going to get them.

 

I want to punch him. I'm deliberately avoiding a funeral for parents of mutual friends because I don't want to run into him. I am just not able to control my emotions right now and don't want to cause a scene.

 

I cannot wait until after the holidays so I can start my kickboxing class!

 

Just a vent.

Anger is great stage to be in. You're standing up for yourself now and recognizing your value. You have more energy than sobbing over him and feeling rejected. Anger is a great stage. Soon you'll be free of everything that is weighing you down about linking your worth to him validating you. People ghost relationships for many reasons and theres nothing we can do about it but just realize how dismissed and disrespected we feel by it...this person doesn't deserve the open door later. Most people don't have the balls to say they want out because they don't want to feel bad about it or don't want to be convinced to stay in...or just dont want to witness themselves hurting someone. Some people can only give love in a limited capacity. We can't expect to become quenched at an empty well.

[my3lans]

Anger is great stage to be in. You're standing up for yourself now and recognizing your value. You have more energy than sobbing over him and feeling rejected. Anger is a great stage. Soon you'll be free of everything that is weighing you down about linking your worth to him validating you. People ghost relationships for many reasons and theres nothing we can do about it but just realize how dismissed and disrespected we feel by it...this person doesn't deserve the open door later. Most people don't have the balls to say they want out because they don't want to feel bad about it or don't want to be convinced to stay in...or just dont want to witness themselves hurting someone. Some people can only give love in a limited capacity. We can't expect to become quenched at an empty well.

 

I love this. I still cry, too and today I woke up all "panicky" again. I miss what we had. Or what I thought we had. My dreams are shattered and I'm having to come up with new dreams. I've dated a lot of losers since my divorce 7 years ago but this one was different. I NEVER expected this from him of all people.

 

I have this need to WANT people to know how he did me and how upset I am by it. At the same time, I want to rise above it, show everyone that I am the bigger person and keep my feelings to myself.

 

I think I'm going to start seeing a counselor next week and see if I can get to the root of why I feel the need to be so open about everything. I have other issues as well--anxiety over cancelled plans, etc.

 

I've accepted it's over "for now". There's still a small part of me--and a mutual friend agrees--that it isn't. I'm trying to move forward without expectations though.

 

Thanks for the encouragement!

[lilyv]

I love this. I still cry, too and today I woke up all "panicky" again. I miss what we had. Or what I thought we had. My dreams are shattered and I'm having to come up with new dreams. I've dated a lot of losers since my divorce 7 years ago but this one was different. I NEVER expected this from him of all people.

 

I have this need to WANT people to know how he did me and how upset I am by it. At the same time, I want to rise above it, show everyone that I am the bigger person and keep my feelings to myself.

 

I think I'm going to start seeing a counselor next week and see if I can get to the root of why I feel the need to be so open about everything. I have other issues as well--anxiety over cancelled plans, etc.

 

I've accepted it's over "for now". There's still a small part of me--and a mutual friend agrees--that it isn't. I'm trying to move forward without expectations though.

 

Thanks for the encouragement!

I understand those feelings. Allow yourself to cry, try not to beat yourself up or just catch yourself as you're doing it. I understand the longing of a version of ourselves that felt free to love and connect and embrace that particular lover. For now, just continue to practice giving yourself tender loving care. I think I may have depended too much on my ex-husband to 'make' me happy and I'm not saying that our demise was my fault or his, I just learned that I had to lighten the burden on myself or expectation on another while not allowing myself to be used or overlooked.