Blow job blues...ED?

[Lady34]

A little background: I’ve been with my husband for 12 years. In the beginning of our relationship the sex was amazing. He was very engaged and would last a long time even if he had been drinking. About 4 years in, I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis and uterine fibroids. My husband is well endowed and intercourse became very painful for me. It started to get more and more awkward when we would try...my anxiety would spike and I would cringe and anticipate the pain when he entered me. He was uncomfortable because he could tell it was hurting, and it was not so fun anymore. So, we resorted to oral sex. I loved oral, and he loved giving it to me. This went on for about two years, and their was VERY minimal intercourse, if any.

 

Fast forward years later, after surgeries and treatment for my female health issues-I am perfectly okay to have intercourse again. (Thank God!) My sex drive is as high as it’s ever been. But there’s another problem...he can’t last longer then 15 seconds. He keeps saying it is “because we don’t have intercourse very often so when we do he gets very aroused.” Then he says it’s “because I turn him on so much when he’s going down on me that by the time we have sex he’s ready to ejaculate.” I feel bad because he always spends a lot of time touching and going down on me, and I usually orgasm, sometimes multiple. But...I really miss having actual sex. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Oral looses its appeal when thats all you ever do. I want variety. I want that connection and I want to have SEX with my husband again. He now prefers blow jobs to intercourse. After he goes down on me, I’ll ask him to have sex and he wants oral ~instead.~ I don’t mind giving it, but he makes me feel like he expects me to just return the favor~instead~of trying to have sex. He doesn’t have a problem getting an erection. I’ve also noticed a pattern with his drinking. He has NO interest in any type of sex when he’s had more than 2/3 drinks. He chooses alcohol over being intimate with me. This was never a problem when we were younger. So....is this ED? Possibly alcohol induced? Or age related? (He’s 39, I am 34) I’m feeling very needy, and my libido just spiked, and his has declined. I’m trying to be sensitive to his feelings and not to bruise his ego, but I do get frustrated when he attempts to twist it around and blame me. When sex was painful for me, I didn’t blame him. Something is going on here. Any thoughts on how to talk to him about it without hurting his feelings?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like an he may be an alcoholic and that definitely wreaks havoc with libido, sustaining an erection and sexual function as well as intimacy of any type. Stop arguing over who does who and discuss his excess drinking and that he needs help with that.

..he can’t last longer then 15 seconds. He now prefers blow jobs to intercourse. He doesn’t have a problem getting an erection. I’ve also noticed a pattern with his drinking. He has NO interest in any type of sex when he’s had more than 2/3 drinks. He chooses alcohol over being intimate with me.

[nao]

In my experience men don t like changes, and sex is no exception to that, you changed your whole sex life, because of your health problem, he was adjusting fine to that, now you expect him to forget about the whole changes and go back like nothing happened... I understand your feelings and problems, but for men all these sudden changes might be just too much... so you need to be patient there and try not to read to much into this...

[ThatwasThen]

So....is this ED? Possibly alcohol induced? Or age related? (He’s 39, I am 34)

No offence but I think it's complaint induced.

 

I notice that when you had female erection problems and couldn't stand the pain he accommodated you getting off. Where is your compassion and patience and alternative giving now that he is coming quickly due to lack of practice?

[Lady34]

In my experience men don t like changes, and sex is no exception to that, you changed your whole sex life, because of your health problem, he was adjusting fine to that, now you expect him to forget about the whole changes and go back like nothing happened... I understand your feelings and problems, but for men all these sudden changes might be just too much... so you need to be patient there and try not to read to much into this...

 

You’re right. And that’s why I feel bad. It just seems like he’s gotten so used to oral that he doesn’t even want to try sex. I know he is embarrassed. I don’t want to put pressure and stress on him over it, and I’m not disregarding his efforts in the bedroom...