Social media and the ex

[Dagger76]

I posted here already about the year ive been having after my wife after 7 years and two kids cheated, left, moved on immediately into single dating life only to start dating one guy on and off after less than two months .

Been nothing but negative between us we onlt talk in text and more often then not its a fight

The guy after two months seemed lime a rebound and she has dropped him a few times only to go back to him. No even attempt wuth me even though twice i extended a hand of peace. No go.

So fine been. Moving on . Hsrd and long but slowly getting there. We're done divorce is happening she and the dude are officially boyfriend girlfriend

Heres the thing. Social media. We blocked and unfriended each other since the start. Facebook i have caved and unlocked but quickly stopped.

Unfriended on instagram. Hers is private but mine is public so for awhile that was it but one one if her with a guy stage she blocked me. Then dropped her guy and unblocked

I know she was looking at my instagram from my kid(saw my new tattoo on mommys phone) then caught her looking at my insta story. Which i believe she would have to look up since we dont follow each other

Once i get out of curiosity but three or four times ? And knowing i can see who looks at those. I called her on it in a fight she called my instagram 'embarassing' but stopped. Few months later back with her man i'm blocked again. Seemed like overkill since i cant seee hers so shes wasn't wanting to see mine?

Now months later her roomate who i dont know who i dont follow us looking at my instagram stories. Once ok. Im sure ive come up she lives with my kids. Curiosity.

But again. Three times now? Still never met still not following.

So what's the deal? Not coincidently happens in and around her and her new mans relationship escslating and me bssically telling her i dont care aband d want little to do with her. Maybe but even if it's not that she has moved on and wants nothing to do witg me.cant even look at me.

I post a lot on our kids but we have them half the time and only once was it a day she missed an event. I dont want to torture myself seeing them having fun without me or see her . And i still am struggling with it she seemed pretty over when she left

I cant see any other reason het roomate is looking unless its her going through her to check up on me so i dont know 🤔

[semaj281]

If she wants nothing to do with you I don't see what her reasoning is for unblocking you once she drops the new guy. It's like she knows she is your weakness and trying to make you suffer because she realizes you will see her popping in. Once you are truly ready to move on I would block her as well and don't look back.

[Dagger76]

I think unless she unblocks me again its pretty that much that way. Even when i wasn't i couldn't look as her instagram is private. Its this roomate business now thats being almost overtly obvious im being. Checked up on

But yes i agree. Cant make it any clearer in action and deed shes done and that's it so why look up on me and through such a round about way?

Considered blocking the roomate but it feels like playing into some childish game of giving her attention even if somehow she thinks i wouldnt notice.

Im just ignoring it.

[DanZee]

You've got to stop caring about what she's doing. It's over. She doesn't want to get back together. She's probably only doing it to make sure you're not taking the kids to a strip club or some other bad place. Just ignore her and move on with your life.

[Dagger76]

You've got to stop caring about what she's doing. It's over. She doesn't want to get back together. She's probably only doing it to make sure you're not taking the kids to a strip club or some other bad place. Just ignore her and move on with your life.

 

Its what im doing. I didnt bring it up. And yes i know its over and shes not returning . And lol she knows id not be doing anything but having fun with the kids

Im not interested in what she is up to and dont lurk. Its unhealthy and keeps you in it. Im looking to be out. I caught up to her in not caring but it seems like shes reverting or something.

Ive made it pretty clear im done and since then shes angry and fights for no reason. And is apparently checking up on me for whatever reason.

Just fought with me about taking the kids new years. I had them last year and she asked what was going on this year so i said its her year. But flipped claiming basically im pawning them off on her. She asked! Since new years is on my day i said id keep them tgen she claimed shes taking them but didnt like what time i gave so now isn't 🤔

Wanted to take our oldest out of school on my day to get her nails done i said i didnt think that's a goid reason to miss school and she said shed tell our kids its my fault shes not getting her nails done.

Just seems to me its tge typical scenario of i no longer show her interest or actually amd going forward and shes angry.

I was the angry one and she acted like she didnt care or didn't. Something chsngrd is all and its frustrating

Id not invest as much thought into it but its revolving around my kids now and i have to deal with her on some level

I dont want to care but its constantly a problem

[figureitout23]

Its what im doing. I didnt bring it up. And yes i know its over and shes not returning . And lol she knows id not be doing anything but having fun with the kids

Im not interested in what she is up to and dont lurk. Its unhealthy and keeps you in it. Im looking to be out. I caught up to her in not caring but it seems like shes reverting.

 

Dagger, this post screams, ' someone tell me she's lurking cause she wants me back ' if you weren't interested in what she's up to you wouldn't know what's happening. You know because you look.

 

You're not over her yet and that's ok! It is ok to not be over this yet, you were together 7 years, she's the mother of your children, what she's doing is incredibly hurtful and you cant just turn your feelings off overnight.

 

Was your relationship on and off? Did she run off and come back before? Is that maybe why you believe she will want to try again?

 

Honestly if this is how she operates she probably will come back, do you want to get back on the roller coaster though? Do you want to live in fear of the next time she will leave on a whim?

[Dagger76]

From the day we started dating to the dsy she left we were together. No breaks. No running. She had a 'i missed out on my youth' moments early on and told her to go if thats what she wanted but she stayed . No split then. We were very much in love. Never fought (hindsight her repressing and buring issues wasnt good) yes not a perfect marriage and somr tough years but when she cheated things were good . Better than before. We werent even fighting when she cheated. I was utterly blindsided. We just had a convo about how she wanted to know what i wanted to do on my 40th birthday. 9 months down the road. Tgen a month later i go away for work and she cheats.

And shes never tried to come back or show she ever cared. She was done and that's it. No looking back. I told her i wanted to work it out she didnt care. as much as dating new guys .Not with me any how. Her new guy it seems shes doing the scenario of run and come back.

 

I didnt mean to imply im over it. I certainly am not but im working on it. I dont lurk her. I have no i dea whst happens in her life . She might as well be a stranger and she treats me like i am. Only reason i know anything about her is what my kid and mutual friends tell me. Not at my insistance either. The stuff with our kid is from text conversations we have. Text arguments actually. Of which i do not start and try to end quick. Where before i might be tge one starting and dragging out text fights.

Maybe thsts what im wondering if all this latley pissyness anger and lurking is her somewhat regretting but i honestly wouldnt know what to do if that was the case. Just had no closure and won't. Its hard

Im still emotionally invested and cant turn it off but if i tell my self its over and i am getting over it and am just trying to detach and move on. So if i say i don't care its because i have to tell myself that to make it so. It helps with moving on for me. My mantra

Just taking the steps finally to move on and out of nowhere its her that is the angry lurker. Like we reversed rolls.

Just ranting and venting here so i can roll my eyes and not engage her in anger. But thst makes her angry i guess haha

[figureitout23]

From the day we started dating to the dsy she left we were together. No breaks. No running. She had a 'i missed out on my youth' moments early on and told her to go if thats what she wanted but she stayed . No split then. We were very much in love. Never fought (hindsight her repressing and buring issues wasnt good) yes not a perfect marriage and somr tough years but when she cheated things were good . Better than before. We werent even fighting when she cheated. I was utterly blindsided. We just had a convo about how she wanted to know what i wanted to do on my 40th birthday. 9 months down the road. Tgen a month later i go away for work and she cheats.

And shes never tried to come back or show she ever cared. She was done and that's it. No looking back. I told her i wanted to work it out she didnt care. as much as dating new guys .Not with me any how. Her new guy it seems shes doing the scenario of run and come back.

 

I didnt mean to imply im over it. I certainly am not but im working on it. I dont lurk her. I have no i dea whst happens in her life . She might as well be a stranger and she treats me like i am. Only reason i know anything about her is what my kid and mutual friends tell me. Not at my insistance either. The stuff with our kid is from text conversations we have. Text arguments actually. Of which i do not start and try to end quick. Where before i might be tge one starting and dragging out text fights.

Maybe thsts what im wondering if all this latley pissyness anger and lurking is her somewhat regretting but i honestly wouldnt know what to do if that was the case. Just had no closure and won't. Its hard

Im still emotionally invested and cant turn it off but if i tell my self its over and i am getting over it and am just trying to detach and move on. So if i say i don't care its because i have to tell myself that to make it so. It helps with moving on for me. My mantra

Just taking the steps finally to move on and out of nowhere its her that is the angry lurker. Like we reversed rolls.

Just ranting and venting here so i can roll my eyes and not engage her in anger. But thst makes her angry i guess haha

 

Completely understood dagger. Vent away. Just be careful with false hope, it'll keep you stuck much longer than if you choose to let go. I know easier said than done.

[Dagger76]

Completely understood dagger. Vent away. Just be careful with false hope, it'll keep you stuck much longer than if you choose to let go. I know easier said than done.

Yeah i held on for awhile. Not anymore . Not really. Still struggle but even if she dud come back no way i could just take her back. Not now.

I just wonder i guess still since it went from one extreme to the other and theres been np sign of regret from her since i was so atrached and angry,no doubt justifying her actions to herself, now that i am letting go and setting boundries that she now has to actually think about what happened and is somewhat regretful. As happens in these cases i read .

The staying and amping up her relstionship with tge new guy and her costant anger and pissyness is not exactly endearing me to her but itd be nice to know shes regretting soley to know i didnt waste 7 years of my life and shes not a heartless . Doesnt change what happened abd she's certainly acting heartless. Maybe just that need for validation after youre dumped that will bever come

[Dagger76]

Think we all want that validation. And if that's the case ill not hear it knowing her but it quells my inner anger to think she might be human after all. Ill keep going without it though.

[Dagger76]

And then she does stuff like not tell me she took our daughter to the doctor gor shots.

But then gives my parent's a pic of our girls. She dropped my family the same time she did me. They havent had any relationship since we split either

Its wierd

[hlethorn1]

Her frantic emotional way is showing she is not coping.

 

Immediately after separating, she probably felt liberated and free and was enjoying any attention she was getting from other guys.

 

Now, it seems this initial buzz has started to fade, she's starting to notice ways in which she's incompatible with other guys and hating herself for her decision to leave you and probably resenting you for not chasing her.

 

Her labeling of you as a monster is just her way to cope and to justify the negative emotions she needs to get over you.

 

With regards to the kids, if she is consistently tiresome to engage with, perhaps involve a mutual friend as an arbitrator. Your kids shouldn't be suffering from all of this.

[Dagger76]

Her frantic emotional way is showing she is not coping.

 

Immediately after separating, she probably felt liberated and free and was enjoying any attention she was getting from other guys.

 

Now, it seems this initial buzz has started to fade, she's starting to notice ways in which she's incompatible with other guys and hating herself for her decision to leave you and probably resenting you for not chasing her.

 

Her labeling of you as a monster is just her way to cope and to justify the negative emotions she needs to get over you.

 

With regards to the kids, if she is consistently tiresome to engage with, perhaps involve a mutual friend as an arbitrator. Your kids shouldn't be suffering from all of this.

Yes when she left she couldnt tell enough people she was excited to date. "Free drinks and meals" her words. And she did. That i think killed it for me initially more than the cheating. I told her i wanted to talk about it at the start and honestly think i could have with work forgave her. But her just feeding into the attention and guys so soon after just really hurt so much. And then thst seemingly got old quick and her replacing me with her man now. Who like i said she kept dumping but we fought and i was abgry so much i wonder if i was like this back then she might not run to him everytime we fight or some new guy isnt like you said compatible. Feel like shes settling on him because he does apparently chase her.

I wrote her a letter in tge winter when i started the divorce proceedings asking her again to talk to me and that i still missed her and wanted to forgive her after she admitted shes ashamed.

Of course i read after sending thst to het was the LAST thing i should have done haha. And sure enough shes never mentioned it. So i guess that was my try at chasing ? But not since. Her silence was answer enough

As for the kids i do worry how tgey do but seem good and accept things how they are but even my oldest refuses to talk about it if i ask and still consisers me and her mom family bacause we still have the same last name. Shes adorable and strong. Fortunately we dont argue in front of them but will probably be re doing our agreement so less confusion and talk is needed. My ex tends to stay away from situstions we might be around each other and not taking ectra time or bad mouthing me will bite her in tge ass over time so i let most of it slide. Im there for them and will always be . How the ex wants to handle it is her deal.

[Dagger76]

But yeah. Maybe her choices are now hitting her and that's who she is. Can't be mad at herself so i must be to blame. Seems pretty typical. Knowing her she'll feed into the anger and not the love/ remorse if theres any . By the time if ever she admits that she regrets ill be long over it.

Funny how many cheaters seem to follow a script.