sfindependent Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 So i've been successful with my last meetup talk with my ex. we didn't talk for two months, until most recently. The initial meet up was great. We both had fun and it was nice. We said we'd meet up again, if not sooner. We were also aware that there needed to slow things down to make things easier to be friends. She left for a 1 week holiday to which she said we'd talk when she got back. when she did get back, she changed her mind. Told me she can't see or hear from me for another few months because she's still emotionally charged when we spoke. I understood and after a few days of back and forth, we were going to call it "no contact" again, for an agreed 3 mos. through out this, it's been noticeable (she's even mentioned it) that i've changed 180degrees. I'm making an effort to listen. i'm making an effort to process the things that had happened, how i hurt her and how I was oblivious to what people around me. she told me to call or reach out only for emergencies. the following week of texts she was initiating it. All of which i received warmly, assuredly and actively. unfortunately, a family member died a day later that week, still in contact, i asked to speak with her and ended up speaking on the phone for another 5hrs. we never argued, although there were emotions that ran high a few times (which were understandable). none of which ended in an argument. when she said something, i listened, didn't react negatively, process and apologized when i needed to. there was no blaming, and there was no angry statements that were said. I acknowledged all my faults, and said what i was doing to rectify it. I was a bit emotional, to which she stated several times "i never knew you were emotional". I asked and validated her feelings consistently. after 5hrs, we had to get off the phone. she asked for no contact (i agreed) because she still felt that she needs some time to heal some more. she needed 3 mos more to make sure she wasn't reacting to her feelings towards me. However she also left it saying "if you needed to give the gift you had bought please send it to me by sunday". she asked nicely. right before we ended the phone call, we agreed several times that we had never felt so connected, not for a long time. the connection we were having that night was deep. She also stated she felt my sincerity with my apology. and that while i was still untrustworthy, that she can see i was making an effort to be a better person. anyway, after the next couple of days, i tried to send what i had gotten to her via email through my phone and needless to say, had to wait until monday to send it. When i emailed her, i told her "i'm sorry i know you had said sunday, but i couldnt". i kept it brief and nothing that she needed to respond to. she emailed back a day later saying thank you, and "not trying to open a dialogue here, but i found this video you might like" and it was about men being more emotional. that she can't talk to me. and she ended it with "no need for response". then she followed it up with another email saying "I meant, i cannot talk for a while with you, i don't want you to worry about my last statement so i wanted to clarify it" anyway, i know i've to move on and let her be. which is fine. in my head i can deal with it. Although, why am i bothered by her path? she admitted to me finally during our 5 hour conversation that she was co-dependent and had started out a year ago a path to wellness. I'm happy for her seeing a therapist and all that, but she's started out going to tantric yoga exercises (i'm not sure if it's the sexual type) and she's saying she's feeling connected to the people and the idea of tantric yoga as well as taking a few classes to be wicca. Part of me feels she's spinning her wheels. Why am i bothered? I definitely know i shouldnt be. it's her life. I don't even know if i can see myself with a tantric, wiccan, vegan yogini as a partner. When we met, she was a healthy omnivore. it feels she's finding herself. I'm just trying to unwind residual feelings and answer questions i ask myself. when i say "successful" i meant i conveyed to her regret. acceptance. growth. thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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