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What to make of this? Should I have gone down to see him?

Lady D

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Dear all, something is just troubling me...I have got a kind of " thing " going on with somebody I work with, who works above me, we speak every day and we have flirted

But we are by no means dating yet and we are just colleagues, he joked about me taking him out to dinner and stuff before but then it got a bit messy and the lines between work and romance got blurry ( he became offended thinking I wasn't interested in him / leading him on because I could never initiate calling him and he called me all the time ) and we reverted back to being friendly on the phone but just talking about business matters, we still speak daily - I have begun to call him more now and we are actually getting on better again


Anyway today he came to my office, he sometimes needs to travel here for work - I saw him on my floor actually but he didn't approach or come over, I think to avoid office gossip - I'm not sure if he knew I saw him, we have to tread carefully because he is my superior at work


Then a bit later the reception phone rang from downstairs and it was him, he said he was in my building and then called me about some work - I am on the first floor


We had a nice little chat, I was pleased to hear from him and warm and he says, take care, so did I - but now I feel a bit tortured, thinking, should I have gone down to see him? He didn't ask me to though and I guessed he must have rung on his way out about a piece of work he needed to discuss


I feel bad thinking he saw it as a rejection...I don't want to give that impression as I really like him


Did I do the right thing in not jumping to go down? Guess it could have looked desperate when we are speaking on the phone anyway and he didn't come up to see me - also we are not yet having that kind of flirtatious liaison

I feel bad, I feel like he wanted me to come and see him and I let him down, we haven't seen each other for a while face to face


Tomorrow I might ring and say sorry I thought later on, I should have come down to see him and tell him I'll come down next time - we had a crisis at work though


It's troubling me because my pattern is not to show enough interest in men, so they get huffy and think I am not interested - but on one level I'm glad I could keep it professional as we are not yet dating, we know we both like each other, he has said he likes me, but maybe it's good we are keeping it professional before we do date, if we ( hopefully ) do


Please let me know your thoughts many thanks XX

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I think your instincts are correct. You shouldn't have gone to the lobby to see him, especially since you might be seen by co-workers who will spread rumors about you two. And I definitely think you should keep the relationship professional. Both you and your career are vulnerable, and if you get into a relationship and you break up, you could find yourself fired or transferred to some place you don't want to go. Unless you want to build a case of sexual harassment in the company, keep on his friendly side, but don't go over the line.

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I used to have this "thing" with someone I worked with as well. We just stopped working together a couple months ago, but worked together for years. Similar situation. He lived in a different state but would come to my office for work. We became good friends. I was always kicking myself for not doing something. We still chat and I hope something works out, but who knows! But in the office, I always felt so nervous when he came around. Good luck. How often is he in your office?

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Thank you so much for your responses, I AM kicking myself as I feel I may have given the cold shoulder but then again he could have seen me instead of ringing from reception...the reason he may be doing this now is he was anxious, he used to come to see me to say he had " come to see my beautiful face " then was anxious he could get into trouble! He comes here fairly often but I work flexi so never sure when we will see eachother X

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