what on Earth is going on in his head?

[Herbie123]

I am completely and utterly confused and furious.

 

My boyfriend of 6 years dumped me over the phone (he works in another county) 2 weeks ago. Reasons being ‘I don’t know how I feel anymore, I’m not happy, I don’t see a future like I used to, I used to be obsessed with you now sometimes I can’t even be bothered to pick up the phone’ he came home that weekend and ended it face to face.

 

2 days later he is drunk calling me saying he wants to see me. That’s a firm no from me. he then texts and tells me he wants to work things out and go day by day. Fine. Of course I love him. For 2 days, absolutely fine. For the next 3, zero contact. I did not message him or feel I should make any effort as he was not.

 

Friday comes. I end up calling him. He says I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said we would work it out it’s not what I want.

Saturday I was devestated. I broke down. I can’t be pulled and pushed in every direction and just take it.

 

Sunday comes. He texts me asking if I want our holiday put in my name so I can still go (two days prior to him dumping me, we booked a holiday to Thailand for next august).

I responded ‘please leave me alone, this does not need to be discussed right now’.

He apologised. I ignored it.

 

Today. I joined tinder. Not to find love. Not to find a rebound. To find some confidence that I am lacking so much right now. To have conversations with people who are interested rather than talking to a brick wall who has no interest in my life.

 

Within 20 minutes he’s texting

‘Didn’t take you long did it’

I respond ‘you’ve asked me to move on so let me’

He says ‘you know I still care about you. I know why your doing this and you know it will annoy me’.

I tell him ‘you say you don’t care at all anymore, that’s obviously a lie’

He says ‘you know how much I care about you’

I did not respond.

4 hours later I get a phone call. ‘Can we chat for 10 minutes please?’

I was with friends so told him i was busy and would text when I was free.

He said ‘I will try again tomorrow. I will call you when I can’

What on Earth can he possibly want from me?!?!?

You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Just because u don’t want me doesn’t mean nobody else will.

 

I love this man. I’ve put my heart and soul into this relationship and never put a foot wrong. After breaking down, not being able to go to work, crying all the time, being offered counselling and anti depressants I was finally feeling like I was turning a tiny corner. Like I realised I was worth a little more. Ive seen my friends every day and I’ve smiled. I’ve laughed. I’ve enjoyed myself. I realised I hadn’t had that happiness for a while. That he was no longer making me happy that I felt I was walking on egg shells trying to be perfect for him and getting nothing but the cold shoulder in return.

 

I don’t know whether I should continue moving forward and getting my life back. Or whether I should see where this goes and be open to the idea of trying to save everything we once had.

2 days ago I would have taken him back in a heartbeat. Right now I don’t know how I feel anymore. I know I love him. I know we could have a great life. but when is enough enough. If he truly loved me would he have put me through this hell?

Maybe he will call. Maybe he won’t. But regardless of what he does I must rememeber my own self worth. I will be strong again.

[MissCanuck]

His ego is bruised. He dumped you but didn't think you'd go looking for anyone else, when he must have been doing so himself anyway. How else would he know you joined Tinder?

 

I would make it very clear that unless he is calling to talk about reconciliation, he is not to contact you at all. He will get over it.

[DancingFool]

How would he know you joined Tinder unless he is on it and agree with MissCanuck that he probably has already been on it for awhile. This isn't about him wanting to patch things up with you, this is pure ego. He doesn't want this toy anymore, but doesn't want anyone else to be playing with it either. Pure selfishness and ego and nothing else.

 

This is where you show strength by telling him to shove it. He had his chance with you, he broke up, you gave him another chance and he dropped that too. It's over now because YOU said so and he is no longer welcome in your life. Besides, as you are realizing by your own admission, things haven't been good between you for so long that you've forgotten how to laugh. Time to remember and move on from him. Allow yourself to do better than him.