Am i a bad person?

[AllByMyself]

Hi All,

 

It's been 4 weeks since my ex dumped me and only 6 days since we last bitterly text each other. I have been talking to a woman and im finding that im getting on with her really well, its like we get on better than me and my ex ever did, same interests, same sense of humour etc (find her more attractive and exciting). Ive agreed to go on a date with her tomorrow and i am really excited about it!! With each passing day that i talk to her my ex fades further out of my mind.

 

My ex last time i spoke to her is gonna eventually pursue a relationship with a friend of hers who she saw more regulary before she broke up with me, i really felt hurt at the time and never really got to know the truth or whether i was cheated on as she did spend a night at his, i was cool with it as at the time as i trusted her even though my gut feeling felt something more was to it but i ignored it considering i have been cheated on in the past and thought my insecurities were playing up.

 

What i want to know is after cursing and calling her all the names under the sun to how quickly she has moved over me, does it make me a bad person also to feel she is fading from my mind and i am excited about dating again?

As the more i talk to this woman the more on and off thoughts of "wow, what did i see in my ex" occur...Is this a typical rebound reaction, or did i maybe not love her as much as i thought i did and am i moving on?

[driedoutonion]

Christ, she spent the night at his place and you were cool with it at the time?

And now, you are asking whether you are a bad person for being excited about dating? after she dumped you?

Mate, you wouldn't be considered a bad person even if you slept with her mom in my book.

[AllByMyself]

Yeah i know i was gullable and foolish at the time but she made me believe it was all in my head and that i am unable to trust due to being treated badly in the past!!

But yeah onwards and upwards i feel is now, just keep thinking i am a hypocrite for all times i've slated her for moving on but i suppose it was different as she did have an interest during our time together!!

Thanks for your reply!!

[ShatteredMan]

Dude, you're going through what everyone does after their ex "moves on quickly". Don't feel guilty at all especially if you suspect she might have cheated on you. And don't go looking for validation of whether or not she did or not. Just disappear from her life like a fart in the wind....

 

I wish I'd met someone that made me think the way you are now ASAP after my break up.......

[AllByMyself]

Thanks!! I will do

[driedoutonion]

Yeah i know i was gullable and foolish at the time but she made me believe it was all in my head and that i am unable to trust due to being treated badly in the past!!

But yeah onwards and upwards i feel is now, just keep thinking i am a hypocrite for all times i've slated her for moving on but i suppose it was different as she did have an interest during our time together!!

Thanks for your reply!!

Honestly, there are all kinds of breakups, in all sorts of relationships.

In your case, she doesn't sound like someone worth losing sleep over.

I guess you're more mad with yourself than sorry about losing her.

[SweetGirl28]

Yeah i know i was gullable and foolish at the time but she made me believe it was all in my head and that i am unable to trust due to being treated badly in the past!!

But yeah onwards and upwards i feel is now, just keep thinking i am a hypocrite for all times i've slated her for moving on but i suppose it was different as she did have an interest during our time together!!

Thanks for your reply!!

 

As a female, I can tell you we are able to have platonic male friends.

I've spent the night at guys friends places and nothing ever happened.

 

That being said, since she's moving on with him, forget her! There was obviously an

attraction on her part to now be seeing him.

 

I'm happy for you that you've upgraded, I hope it all works out for you!

You kind of get sweet revenge here!

[AllByMyself]

Hi SweetGirl28,

I know that women can have platonic friends, she had another male friend and i never got any signs of jealousy or suspiscion about him but with the one who she is now moving on with i did!!

I feel i have indeed upgraded and now i am glad she did me the favour of leaving me cos now i see just how wrong our relationship was!!

[ShatteredMan]

I appreciate SweetGirl's sentiments but respectfully disagree about "sweet revenge through living well".

 

You hear this a lot when you're pouring through "Get Your Ex Back" sites trying to find a quick way to bring someone back into your life who has already demonstrated behavior that they don't value you in their lives or have found someone that they are far more attracted to. I know, I think I hit every single one of those sites when I was dealing with my breakup......

 

IMHO, "revenge through living well" only really achieves the results you want once you've truly lost your attraction to your ex and genuinely don't care what they're doing with their lives. Its actually a natural byproduct of a state of reality. This rarely occurs when you're clearly putting on a show for them for "revenge". It has no effect on someone who is truly attracted to someone else.

 

I understand what SweetGirl is saying and I'm not saying she's wrong. I think there just needs to be some clarity about the sense of satisfaction that you get through triumph over the pain and anguish of a breakup, the improved state of being and quality of life through working on yourself and then realizing that you have eventually become someone that they wish they'd chosen to be with when they see what you've achieved (despite that they weren't there with or for you during the process).

 

I had a moment like this once when I saw an ex after a few years. Even though we parted amicably and I didn't have any emotional ties to her when it was over, I did bump into her at an event with the guy she married. The guy made a complete ass of himself and her through his own drunken buffoonery in front of others. She was looking over at me most of the time while her husband put on a show.

 

As for the feeling of superiority upon seeing what she'd ended up with, it only lasted a happy minute or two. I mainly just felt sorry for her in the end.

[pippy longstocking]

You get back on that horse mate and enjoy it .... you are supposed to move on .....and you are ... enjoy

[pippy longstocking]

I'm not calling your bird a horse BTW ..

[SweetGirl28]

I appreciate SweetGirl's sentiments but respectfully disagree about "sweet revenge through living well".

 

You hear this a lot when you're pouring through "Get Your Ex Back" sites trying to find a quick way to bring someone back into your life who has already demonstrated behavior that they don't value you in their lives or have found someone that they are far more attracted to. I know, I think I hit every single one of those sites when I was dealing with my breakup......

 

IMHO, "revenge through living well" only really achieves the results you want once you've truly lost your attraction to your ex and genuinely don't care what they're doing with their lives. Its actually a natural byproduct of a state of reality. This rarely occurs when you're clearly putting on a show for them for "revenge". It has no effect on someone who is truly attracted to someone else.

 

I understand what SweetGirl is saying and I'm not saying she's wrong. I think there just needs to be some clarity about the sense of satisfaction that you get through triumph over the pain and anguish of a breakup, the improved state of being and quality of life through working on yourself and then realizing that you have eventually become someone that they wish they'd chosen to be with when they see what you've achieved (despite that they weren't there with or for you during the process).

 

I had a moment like this once when I saw an ex after a few years. Even though we parted amicably and I didn't have any emotional ties to her when it was over, I did bump into her at an event with the guy she married. The guy made a complete ass of himself and her through his own drunken buffoonery in front of others. She was looking over at me most of the time while her husband put on a show.

 

As for the feeling of superiority upon seeing what she'd ended up with, it only lasted a happy minute or two. I mainly just felt sorry for her in the end.

 

Hi, sorry. I knew I'd get some flack for that, lol

It's hard to interpret text words and tone sometimes.

 

Yes, I agree with what you are saying.

What I meant was he found someone he's more suited towards, and that's a great thing for him.

It's very difficult to find after a break up. I'm one who has to go thru lots of dates with lots of

guys before finding one I'm attracted to in every sense. I'm too picky though. I think it

comes from having to rely on myself and having to be so independent as a single mom.

 

I didn't mean to imply satisfied, as in he gets to laugh at her for finding what he considers better.

I'm just happy for him!

[SweetGirl28]

Hi SweetGirl28,

I know that women can have platonic friends, she had another male friend and i never got any signs of jealousy or suspiscion about him but with the one who she is now moving on with i did!!

I feel i have indeed upgraded and now i am glad she did me the favour of leaving me cos now i see just how wrong our relationship was!!

 

Yes, well those feelings are often accurate! As you sadly found out.

Good luck to you! I hope you stay happy

[figureitout23]

You're happy but you're asking advice about if you're a bad person to an ex who you say treated you bad...

 

The man doth protest too much methinks.

 

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I agree with the other poster, your happiness shouldn't come from revenge, it's false and unfortunately won't last.

 

If you have a good thing going please focus on that and not your ex.

 

ETA: just realized you're only 1 month post break up. All this combined does indeed scream rebound...

[AllByMyself]

I have no intention of getting some sort of "revenge" or kick out of dating another person, it just feels right, right now.

Over the last two weeks i saw the more negatives to our relationship and that it just wasnt right!!

I'm not hanging around when i have met a lovely lady who i get on so well with and im attracted to, all i was saying is i felt a bit of a hypocrite slating my ex for moving on so quick when i appear to be doing the same.

At the end of it i just feel that perhaps i never loved her as much as i thought i did, maybe i was in love with that "loving" feeling.

[sputnik123]

Go and enjoy yourself.. life is too short

[figureitout23]

I have no intention of getting some sort of "revenge" or kick out of dating another person, it just feels right, right now.

Over the last two weeks i saw the more negatives to our relationship and that it just wasnt right!!

I'm not hanging around when i have met a lovely lady who i get on so well with and im attracted to, all i was saying is i felt a bit of a hypocrite slating my ex for moving on so quick when i appear to be doing the same.

At the end of it i just feel that perhaps i never loved her as much as i thought i did, maybe i was in love with that "loving" feeling.

 

Ok I apologize not revenge, rebound. 'She moved on fast so now IM going to move on fast.' And now that you're doing it, you've got all these confusing feelings going on.

 

According to you she hurt you so why care about your emotional past? I'll take a guess and say it's because you never worked through these emotions to begin with, you never grieved the relationship, you just hopped to the next girl because she did it to you.

 

You chose an unhealthy way of moving on.

 

 

ETA:

Dude, this was from 11/29

 

Hi All,

 

So i am just looking to see how long its taken over people to get over a breakup?

 

My worst one was from a 5 year relationship and it took me 3 years to fully move on, i became a recluse really but i think its only cos i still tried to remain friends with a wishful thinking we would end up back together.

I have been the dumper once and it didnt take me long at all to get over this person as i felt they just wasnt right for me.

I dated a girl for 2 months, kinda went to friends with benefits sort of thing, she ended it or just vanished from my life and not going to lie it took me 6 months to fully get over her.

Currently going through NC after being with a girl for a year....i have no idea when i will get over her, but i do not cry over her anymore and its been 3 weeks since i last saw her, just feeling rejected and angry that she had someone in the line up during our relationship.

 

Be interesting to read other peoples experiences.

 

This was 11/28

 

Hi All,

 

I am just sat here after 4 weeks since my gf dumped me and it's still going through my mind of how someone could love you ever so much during a committed relationship, then end it with you and have a new interest straight away...

I feel for me its going to take me a few months to start dating again.

Has anyone else dumped someone and started a new interest with someone else, i wanna know how you've just switched off from the prior connection and connected to someone else?

 

My brain just wont stop thinking about it, any techniques to stop yourself from going over it over and over again?

 

Remind me again how this isn't revenge. 🙄

 

I just feel bad for the girl. You need to move on in a healthy way and this isn't it.