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I dont know what to do


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Hi all.Im 28 yrs old and my partner is 41 weve been together 9 years and have 2 boys 8 and 19 months.over the last year we hit a rough patch mostly over money issues eg he bought new car after baby was born without telling me hiding money from me etc which I find difficult to forgive but I gave him chance if he did counselling which he is attending.after he left his job he began attending a course where he met woman who he says just friends.at the moment I feel im bk to square one where hes not helping at home or spending time with kids he is working in a new job and contributes financially now. I still dont feel I can trust him though. I checked his phone(ihate me for it but cant trust him to tell me) and I saw what I saw as flirty messages wink emojis kisses etc but he is supposed to be meeting up with this woman at the weekend.if they are just friends why wouldnt he say anything if hes innocent.I feel I should trust my instincts and get him to leave and move on for the sake of my kids

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Sorry to hear this. unfortunately there is a pattern of deception and self-indulgence. A true partner, after living together and especially with children, should be transparent about fiances as well as social life. Please see an accountant and an attorney regarding your rights as the mother involving child support etc.


Do not sit at home overdoing the wife and mommy role and stand up for yourself. Focus on independence financially (except for children, household etc) and develop an independent social life. He will not change, just smooth things over to avoid conflict, hassles etc. bought new car after baby was born without telling me hiding money from me etc. he is supposed to be meeting up with this woman at the weekend.

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He is crossing relationship boundaries by making new female "friends" and a loving partner always consults with their spouse about major purchases. He's showing you who he is, so believe him. You should be able to think of growing old with a spouse and have a warm, fuzzy feeling. When you think of growing old with him, you probably cringe and can't imagine that happening. Time to consult a lawyer about divorce and get him off of any of your credit cards you might have him on. Don't tell him any of this until you get all of your ducks in a row. And actually, you might want to wait until the 10 year mark to seek the divorce, as in some states, after ten years, you are entitled to half of his pension if he has one, and half of his retirement savings plan. Also, know that when you retire, even if you are divorced, if his social security earnings are higher than yours, you are entitled to claim his higher rate without it effecting him.


I'm sorry this has happened. Take care while working through this difficult time.

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