Ex contacts on a weekly basis

[Mhops100]

My ex dumped me a few months ago because of distance, though I suspect also because of life stress and panicking about the future (in our relationship and in general). I've decided not to go completely no contact, but also not to contact him first - I respond if he reaches out every so often, but have been doing fine moving on in the process. This week he contacted to ask how I was, and when I responded he admitted he wasn't doing great, citing work stress, though I suspect more. Everyone tells me to ignore, that he's trying to get over his guilt or keep me on my line, but I feel bad not reacting or caring, and not asking more. How should I handle this, just as a person who cares about him but is trying to protect my boundaries? Should I just not read into it at all? Even though he broke up with me, there was still a lot of love shared between us, so am I doing the right thing by not trying to ask more about his life, especially if he's as down as I suspect he might be?

[1a1a]

Are you hurt that he left?

 

Do you long to reconcile?

 

If yes to either your ex is being selfish trying to use you as support now. His emotional well being stopped being your problem when he left you (even if you still care, he needs to lean on someone else for now).

[Pto29538]

It is fine to respond and query about his well being as long as it is not impacting you moving forward. He may still care for you but doesn’t want to be in a relationship for whatever reason distance stress etc . He may still like having an emotional connection to you though . Whether you allow this without the possibility of having a relationship is up to you . But please make your healing and you the priority here . He split with you so you can call the shots as to whether staying in touch will help you or not . There is no obligation to stay in touch no matter what is going on in his life

[Mhops100]

Are you hurt that he left?

 

Do you long to reconcile?

 

If yes to either your ex is being selfish trying to use you as support now. His emotional well being stopped being your problem when he left you (even if you still care, he needs to lean on someone else for now).

 

 

Part of me still is hurt that he left, only because it was abrupt and confusing - until the end he kept saying that I was the best thing that happened to him, that I made him happier than anything, but he just couldn't handle the distance. A few weeks later, it is not to the point that I react when he messages, though if anything I am trying to protect myself from feeling hurt again. I don't know if it is so much being selfish as trying not to lose me in his life, even though he's not doing anything here nor there. Just a confusing situation to be put in, when my immediate reaction is care and compassion for him, to have to be polite, curt, and kind of cold.

[No1]

Cutting and X off is not being mean to them.

 

You are half way to clearing your path of healing. But I see that you are conflicted. You know staying in touch is not the best for you, but letting him go is will leave a question in your mind if this is the best thing to do, even tho you know its what you should do. Maybe you have in your head that as long as he is talking to you, coming back to you is a reality or an option. By being availalbe signals you are helping your cause even tho its hurting you.

 

Letting go of your X and the relationship is the best thing you can do and Ill tell you why. 1. If you want him to miss you, he has to see a life without you. 2. Allows you to focus on yourself and your happiness. 3. By stepping back from the situation, it can give you clarity and you can reflect on the relationship. Were you happy? Is this the type of guy that you want in your life? And so on. Remember that he broke up with you. 4. Gives your X time to reflect and see what he really wants. By you being available, he has no incentive to change his behavior. He is currently unsing you as a crutch to help him along while you are still hurting.

 

Or you can stay in contact keeping you in limbo and in a state of confusion...