Yes/no answer. Very quick!

[Spirits Away]

Do you decide whether a person may be datable in the first few seconds of the meeting?

[RayKay]

I would not say seconds, no. First minutes, or more specifically depending on circumstances first 10-60 minutes yes.

[boomer1619]

yes ABSOLUTELY, takes me about 20 to 30 secondes

[DN]

Don't know for sure but a recent study found that it takes less than three seconds for a student to decide if a teacher is good or not. And they rarely change their minds.

[DreamLilies]

Two of my former boyfriends were platonic friends of mine before we ever started dating.

[sadCara]

I think it would all depend on the history of the person and their stance in my life. If they were a complete stranger most likely i would decide if they're easy to talk to. If they fit the bill of what i like in someone, just on the outside. But mostly i would exchange phone numbers if i'm vaguely interested, and see how conversations go from there.

 

Normally i'm in a rush so there is about a minute of assessment.

[Spirits Away]

Oh forgot to add my own.

 

Personality will definitely be the deciding factor. But whether they're datable or not, i'd say in the first 3-5 seconds. But when facing those just passed my standard, it also takes 20sec - 1min to decide.

[DN]

But one girl I really didn't like at first turned out to be really nice - and we dated for a while.

[wlfpack81]

Well, I've seen shows on the Discovery Ch and such that has scientifically shown women make up there minds about a guy right off that bat in like 20-40 secs or something like that. I think we're all wired to do that whether we want to admit it or not. I mean be real folks, looks may not be everything but for 90-95% (more like 99% whether you want to admit it or not) of the population there has to be some sort of physical attraction be it a slim body if that's what you like or a large body if you're into big women/men.

[annie24]

For me - yes - pretty much in the first few seconds.

[asdf]

in the first 3 seconds, there's the "would i?" thing decided. But it can change after getting to know the person

[trickswift]

yes its possilbe

[ShySoul]

As usual I seem to have a completely different point of view. How much can you really tell about a person in a minute? Not much. It takes longer than that to get to know the real them and see if you two could be compatible. People say that first impressions are so crucial, but its not until you get under the surface and into the substance that you can really tell if a person is someone you would want to date. Basing something on a brief exchange leads to superficial judgements that could be totally off the mark. You could also miss out on someone that would be perfect for you because you didn't hit on the right subject right away. Or maybe the person is shy and it takes them some time to get comfortable and open up. Or maybe the person seems great but the more you talk to them the more you see how different you are.

 

In my experience, every female that I considered going out with the feelings developed over time. There's never been an instant attraction or feeling beyond friendship at first. The best relationships are the ones that take time and often seem to come from nowhere when really they come from a long period of friendship.

[asdf]

What you stated is possibly logical way of assessing somebody's compatability with yourself, but the point of this thread was about how it commonly is done, not what should be done. Similar thing with that "First impressions are crucial". Not nessesarily how it should be, but how it happens to be.

[spatzcolumbo]

Surely its not about forming a lasting attraction, but about making that split second decision of whether you would even want to find out more about that person?

 

You need to have made that decision in the first place in order to motivate you to go and talk to the person and find out more. Then the attraction builds from that.

 

And in my opinion, yes i would make a fairly quick decision on whether my gut instinct tells me i could date someone or not.

[DN]

It also depends on the circumstances. If you are at a club or a dance and someone approaches you or you have to decide if you want to approach them, then you would make that sort of split second decision. But if you are continually meeting someone in a work or social setting it is entirely possible that an initial negative reaction could be turned around - it would be interesting if anyone has had that experience - especially if they ended up getting married.

[ShySoul]

It also depends on the circumstances. If you are at a club or a dance and someone approaches you or you have to decide if you want to approach them, then you would make that sort of split second decision. But if you are continually meeting someone in a work or social setting it is entirely possible that an initial negative reaction could be turned around - it would be interesting if anyone has had that experience - especially if they ended up getting married.

 

Right DN.

 

That's the whole reason I don't buy into the idea of meeting someone at a club or the like. The very atmosphere is one directed towards initial, superficial reactions. Those can be so off base its rediculous. Which is why more often then not you will not find anything of substance at a place like that. On the other hand, meeting someone through the natural course of events in your life, talking to them and being friends, and then dating, is more likely to lead to a long successful relationship.

 

spatz, I think of things in the reverse. Then again, you already figured that right? It's the getting to know the person and finding out you have alot in common that motivates the attraction. At least, that's how its always been for me.

[DN]

Um, ShySoul, I get where you are coming from ... except ... I met a girl at a party - we spent about 20 minutes together, dancing and a quick chat alone for a couple of minutes but also talking with other people. Then I had to leave, so - quick decision, asked for her number and left.

 

We have been married for thirty years.

[ShySoul]

Were you intending to date her or was it just wanting to get to know her? Curious and it may fit into what I'm getting at.

 

The real problem I was having that people were saying in a minute or a few seconds, that's far to little time. Twenty minutes can get you a feeling about the person but you still need more time to know if that feeling was right or not. You ended up right, your the exception. Most of the time it won't work that well.

[DN]

I called the following Monday for a date.

 

But I have lots of friends who met their wives and girlfriends in similar ways. My parents met at a dance during the war and were married six weeks later - marriage lasted nearly fifty years until my mother died. Similar thing with my wife's parents.

 

Both my daughters met their husband/boyfriend at work and got to know them socially and as friends first.

 

I just don't think there is a hard and fast rule. I don't think I was an exception at all - as I say, I know of many cases in either scenario.

[bomberman]

Yes, I can usually decide within a minute if someone is datable or not.

[Santa]

yeah takes me under 60 seconds to tell if im not attracted to someone or not.

However, the not is a lot more stronger for me. For me theres girls that I don't find unattractable, but would take a while for me to like them. And then there are the babes... but they are probably nasty, so I don't really consider dating them... Hmmm