I feel alone in my relationship.

[Moonpie215]

I know I should leave. Countless people have told me so. I just keep being told by my partner that I'm the problem so maybe I have gotten it wrong and it really is my own fault?

 

I do everything in our house. He works full time and I have to stay at home with our child because there is nobody to help with childcare. Three nights a week I work evenings at a hotel. I get up during the night with the baby, I feed him all his meals even if I'm rushing to go to work, I do all the washing, all the cleaning, the school runs for the other two children, take them all to football and the baby classes, cook all the meals. I buy thr clothes and the shoes leaving no money for myself. I never have anything left for me. My partner pays all the bills but is left over with £400 for himself each month. I have nothing and he says he won't discuss finances with me. He never buys me anything, sometimes he will help out but make out it's a huge deal afterwards so I stopped asking because he holds it against me. I wonder if he is right in not discussing finances. I see it as OUR money seeing as we have a child and a household but he sees it as HIS money?

 

Also, he thinks nothing of telling me to shut up or call me names. He calls me b**ch, cu**, moron, loser, rat, idiot, fu** off, get out. I will be crying and he just walks off and leaves. He says I deserve to be called these things because I annoyed or nagged him? All I ever ask is for help with the baby. I was up with him for 45 minutes last night and I didn't mind because my partner was working. However I went through to the bedroom and saw he was up sitting on his phone. I asked him to help because he was up anyway and I was struggling. I got a tirade of abuse. I was called a selfish bi*** and he got in my face and threw the throw from the bed at me. He must have heard me crying in the babies room through the monitor but he didn't bother checking on me. The baby did fall asleep and I slept on the sofa upset. The next morning he woke me up and kissed me and acted as though nothing had happened.

 

I do everything for this guy because I love him so much. He makes me play with his hair every night, I even have to cut his toenails (this actually sounds like a joke typing this but it's true). I wouldn't mind doing it but I never get anything back. He just takes everything from me and I get nothing back. If I do something well or the house is clean he will always find something that I haven't done right. He jokes and says "it's to keep you on your toes" and laughs but I really do find it a bit upsetting. He always has "banter" with me and calls me old etc (I'm 29 by the way) and if he takes it too far then I'm too sensitive. He never says anything nice so I do get upset when all he ever does is make fun of me.

 

I am quite a sensitive person, but I'm honest and thoughtful. I am very tuned in to my own and others emotions so I can tell he doesn't care very often. If he says something mean and he gets upset he just says "it's fine" completely devaluing my feelings and walks away. He often calls me "woman" for a joke as well but it is all the time and I do genuinely feel like it's degrading. It's not just now and again. If I call him out on his harsh words he often puts his arm around my throat really hard and says "shut up" in a jokey way but it leaves me feeling uncomfortable to be honest.

 

I feel like what I do, all the boring household tasks and taking care of everyone means nothing to him. I'm just the housemaid. Is this all in my head? Do I really have a right to be upset? I do nag sometimes but it's because I always end up doing everything alone while he sits on his phone. I just really want to make him happy but nothing I do is ever enough and it never matters about me.

[DanZee]

Yup. You know the score. He is emotionally abusive and he has trained you to lose your self-respect and make you a slave to him. True couples share their money and split the work to help the other partner and the family. He also seems to be a sociopath, in the sense that he doesn't care about other people but himself. NO WOMAN SHOULD BE CALLED THOSE NAMES! These kind of men always take advantage of sensitive, loving women like yourself. YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS. This is not your fault. NEVER THINK THAT! He is the problem! He is a bully and it will not get better. You need to get out of this nightmare of this relationship or at least seek help through abuse hotlines, counselors or centers. In the meantime, don't argue back at him when he yells at you. Just be quiet and keep in mind he is mentally disturbed and humor him until you can get out.

[Chelsea54]

Sounds oh so similar to my xH & my relationship before I called it quits. (Except my xH wasn't physical, but let me know he could take me down.) It was great when our baby also called me a b*tch. Just know that you are not alone in this happening to you---where you aren't seeing your true worth. It's not that you started with a skewed perception, but his psychological abuse makes you less able to react normally or value/take care of yourself. The friends and family are not actively abused by him and they can see it. Please start helping yourself by reaching out to the friends and family to check in with you. Let them help you devise a plan to leave him. Maybe someone can help you by keeping a written journal of what transpires between you & H. This will be valuable in court for divorce & custody. Good luck and stay safe.

[mack1490]

He makes you cut his toenails?! ?! I'm literally cringing just reading this post.

 

Seriously, you need to throw this dude to the curb and move out. It is doing you absolutely no good for neither yourself or your child to be in a situation like that. NO WOMEN, deserves to be treated like that, and NO MAN has ANY RIGHT to treat a woman that way. I'm a 27 year old grown man, and I could NEVER imagine treating any woman like that, I would not be able to live with myself. This guy sounds like a complete sociopath. I'm sure it will be tough leaving him, but you have to do it. A relationship is supposed to be something you're happy with, not one where you're miserable all the time. A man in your life is supposed to love you and support you, not treat you like garbage. Tell this dude to kick rocks, and move on to someone else.

[Stefa16]

Run, do not walk away, run.