Feeling hurt

[Kati218]

I recently found out that someone I consider a friend is having a holiday party and a number of our mutual friends were invited however I was not. I'm feeling extremely hurt and not quite sure how to accept this. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Andrina]

If you don't do things one on one with this woman, and it's a group friend, I guess you read more into it than is there. I guess you need to change your mindset now, that she is just an acquaintance. Focus on the friends who make an effort with you.

[Kati218]

Thank you. We do things one in one also, that is why I'm hurt also.

[Batya33]

Maybe a mistake or oversight?

[catfeeder]

I'd consider it possible that the host or any given number of these friends has an agenda that I may be considered disruptive toward. It could be anything from a match-making attempt between two of the people to a certain flow of peacefulness that I may not have demonstrated an ability to harmonize with.

 

This would have me taking stock as to whether I tend to dominate attention from a group, or whether I bring drama or chaotic energy with me into social situations, or might I have made people uncomfortable with things I may have said--or, the opposite--might I be too passive and quiet, prompting people to feel that I'm judgmental?

 

This doesn't need to mean that others don't 'like' you one-on-one, but it can mean that you've been altering group dynamics in a way that others would like to take a rest from. Rather than internalizing that in a way that hurts me, I'd take a quiet behavioral inventory and step back to make changes that are NOT designed to manipulate guilt or sympathy, but rather to give others a rest from my old ways and allow those changes to quietly speak for themselves over time.

 

Otherwise, I'd consider whether these people regard me as fondly or as closely as I've regarded them, and I'd expand my scope to meet new friends. This doesn't mean burning bridges, but it can mean that I've outgrown these friendships and need to add more like minded people in my life.

 

Head high.