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Back in the dating scene after 2 yrs. Need serious advice.


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Hey guys hope you are all well!

So I have been single for 2 yrs. I have posted my struggles here before regarding previous relationship and most advices I got was to spend time for myself which I did and examine my own capabilities, insecurities, weakness and strength which I did and it has been really helpful. During the 2-yr break, I have been guarding and protecting myself not to be with anyone until I am ready. I have also worked on my confidence, I have recognized my weaknesses and flaws and I realized that all along, I fear that I may not be good enough to anyone. So for 2 yrs I have been enjoying my life being alone until recently.

I met a guy 2mos ago through a common friend, we got on straight away and there was a chemistry between us (first time I felt after 2yrs) I can tell he was really interested in me and told me that he is looking forward to see me again on our next theater visit which organized by friends. He was constantly messaging me and asked me to meet up for a drink. Due to work I didn't managed to go to theater therefore I didn't see him and he was apparently disappointed so we've planned to meet up a few times for a drink but he bailed. Until 2 weeks ago on Halloween, we finally met up again with our friends. He invited me to get ready at his place to put the Halloweeney make up on(as I am an sfx make up artist) we later went out, I got drunk and went back to his. I stayed over and we had sex. Since then, we have been seeing each other, he comes to mine, I go to his, we go out, Everything has been great until last night. We were talking about something and he mentioned his ex. I felt weird because for 2 weeks that we've been seeing each other, he seems to always mentioned or include in every conversation about his exes? He's not only referring one person but to girls he's been with? Now, I don't know how to react as it's only been two weeks. At one point we had a serious convo, I found out that he's only been single or not with anyone for 2 weeks and that he was actually with someone back in September when he was chatting up with me showing interest and he said that, that was the reason why he bailed on our supposed dates and that was apparently the reason why he wasn't very keen in meeting up. He said, that he's only been with the girl for 6 weeks because they weren't really into relationship and that they were just Hooking up. He said that his serious relationship for 3 yrs ended in June. Which is only 4mos ago when we met and he admitted that he's still sad although he's moved on which is hard to believe. I really like him and I have let my guard down because I feel like I am ready but I am worried that I may have fallen for the wrong guy again. Today, I'm not feeling great because when he mentioned his ex last night I feel I like I've had enough hearing about his exes and I was teary last night as I was disappointed with myself again. He may have heard me snotting last night and asked me if I was crying, i of course denied but I can feel that he's noticed my mood Change when he mentioned his ex. Honestly, I feel weird.

I think as soon as I learnt that the ex is an English speaker, my confidence went down the drain because for weeks, I have this feeling that he may at Some point get tired of me cos of the language barrier, I seem to have struggles in talking to him although I can communicate English but I find myself stammering when speaking to him and for some reason I couldn't say or express what I would like to say. He's definitely noticed it last night and when I asked him today via WhatsApp and he played innocent however, there was a weird tension between us.


I really like him but I fear he'll only going to hurt me as he seem like he hasn't moved on from previous relationship yet, he's always comparing me to his exes.


Things he's mentioned that I find weird but not knowing how to react. Or maybe I shouldn't react as we've only been together for 2 weeks.


When we're laying down and was cuddling each other, he said that I have very nice gentle scent of my hair which is nice compare to other girls as most apparently have a strong good smell. I didn't say anything but it seems weird to say that to your current date.


When I told him he's very cuddly, he's responded that he wonders if other men likes being cuddled or loves cuddle because a lot of people have apparently told him he's cuddly? And he asked me if men loves cuddles?


He also made a comment that he sometimes struggle sleeping with someone as he finds himself always on the edge of the bed because "girls" sleeping really close to him.


He's also told me that he's been with a girl that is pretty but no personality that's why he likes me because I am apparently pretty and have unique personality, I responded, she sure have a personality as everyone has, they just maybe two different people with different personality, he went being defensive and talks badly about the girl.


Another thing I noticed (maybe this is not a big deal, maybe this is me being shallow but would like to know your opinion )


On our first ever meal (he Visited me at work and went lunch together)


He let me pay (I was prepared to pay but there was little hope from me that he would at least react and insist)


I told him he can pay for the next one


We had our next and I also paid (again, no efforts of insisting) maybe because he paid for the uber?


We went to see bonfire fireworks and Don't have hat and was cold, I saw a hat and asked if I could borrow it. He said yes but that's his brothers and that I must not lose it, I've lost the hat and I offered will buy new one. He insisted that we should split the cost as he's got responsibility for it as well. After refusing, I agreed in the end to split the cost but I paid using my card, screen shotted the receipt and sent him tracking details...he said thank you but no mention of how he will pay me the half?


We went to a cat caffe, and on the way I was complaining I was hungry but he only ordered tea, I was hoping he would ask me for food but he didn't.


What do you guys think I should do??

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I think you know the answer to this one.

Think about it. If you were completely available and crazy about a guy you were seeing would you constantly talk about and compare him to other men in your life?

No. Because it's rude.


It's his way of letting you that this just a casual hook up. If that's not what you are looking for (and by the sounds of it, it's not) then let this guy go.


There is no harm in telling him you made a mistake. That you typically save an intimate sexual relationship for someone who is looking for something more serious and that based on the information and queues you've picked up along the way it doesn't appear that the two of you are looking for the same thing.

It's been fun but you have to go.


On a side note. Your initial experience with this guy should have told you something but you overlooked the fact that he bailed on the first few times he was supposed to meet you. That was an important clue that might have saved you some of this disappointment. Most people would not give 2nd or 3rd chances after being stood up. You entering into a sexual relationship with him after the fact tells him you don't value yourself very much. Sorry . . .


Write this off to another valuable lesson learned.

Refrain from having sex with someone until you know what their intention are.

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