4months PBU and 3 months NC - outside perspective appreciated!!

[Shrebecca]

Found this hard to condense, sorry! Background: together nearly 2 years. Me f/25 and him m/25. The first year was LD whilst I travelled. We split up early July, 3 days before I started a new job which was pretty tough.

 

We split as I have a short temper and found myself near constantly snapping at him/sulking(!) Usually over nothing. He definitely had his faults but I don't blame him for splitting up with me. I emailed him whilst he was thinking things through, outlining where I went wrong & how I intended to change that. Though he admitted I hit the nail on the head he said it didn't feel 'right' to try again & felt he kept letting me down (which if I'm honest, was true). Naturally I was devastated. I'd been having 'grass is greener' thoughts since coming back but the BU made me realise what I wanted & no one could have been harder on themselves or filled with more regret.

 

I told him I respected his decision & just wanted him to be happy, apologising for my behaviour. He was crying down the phone whilst ending it, saying I was a caring & generous person & another guy would be lucky to have me. I didn't cry (tried to keep it together) & said much the same about him..I even made him laugh! I really wanted it to be easy on him as I felt so horrible. He told me he didn't want me to disappear from his life but I said I couldn't be friends due to my feelings and that it wouldn't be fair.

 

R.e. CONTACT: I put out my 'feelers' and sent a follow-up text 2 weeks later again apologising, saying I was gutted but going to work on myself. I got a fairly mirrored response days later also apologising for his actions and from there I started NC. Though I didn't check his social media, the whole thing caused me a lot of anxiety so 2months PBU I deleted FB (no regrets) & quietly removed him from my IG as he was always watching my stories/liking some of my posts & it just wasn't helping me move on. He did try re-adding me a month or so later in Sept which I again declined.

 

More recently, he's noticed a post from a friend who was advertising my new furniture for sale on FB & reached out to her today to say he saw the post & how was I doing? I guess he was curious about why. I asked my friend to be polite & not reveal too much but why is he doing this? I understand my actions lost him but that doesn't mean he has the right to know what's going on in my life now, or go through​ my friends just because he's curious. I've done nothing but respect his decision & try to move on so I feel like this has set me back somewhat.

 

Sorry for the long post, I'm not really sure what I'm after here. Perspective? Support? Any kind of answer? Anything you lovely people have got for me is very much appreciated. A break up is rough, much more so when you blame yourself!

[SweetGirl28]

He wanted to keep you in his life, you declined.

 

I honestly believe he truly cares about you.

He wouldn't be asking otherwise.

 

I'm not a huge fan of shutting people you shared a part of life with out, as long as they were not toxic to you.

If attraction and feelings have diminished, it's possible to be friends. Maybe he hopes you can do this.

But you do what is right for you. If keeping him at bay works, then do so.

[Shrebecca]

Thanks for the input, I personally don't believe its healthy to be involved with an ex at all but I guess that's where personal opinion differs! I would be friendly if I saw him/he reached put but overall, feel that its best to distance myself as it still hurts and I still have feelings for him.

 

Hopefully time will heal, as it does. Thanks for the outside perspective!

[Shrebecca]

Is it possible to ask a mod to please delete this thread? And if not close it? Asking for privacy purposes.