I want to date this girl but I don't know if its the right thing to do.

[JustOneDude]

This might be a kind of confusing story, maybe not. I'm not really cut out for relationships but that's not to say I'm not constantly thinking about dating. Yes I guess I'm desperate. I'm one of those people that seem to get turned down by anyone, however I'm not clingy. At this point I would rather someone to come up to me and ask me out but that hasn't happened before. I'm shy and never seem to be able to find the words to hold a conversation with anyone except...

 

There is a girl I've started talking to recently and she's so nice but so complicated (that's definitely not a bad thing). She's just great. We talk so much over text. In a month i use to send about 50 to 200 texts. Now it averages to about 2,500. I just can't get over her. I do know her in person. We find it hard to talk to each other in school. We don't talk like we do over text.

 

I can't get over her I've tried. I don't want to date her because we are in a Rock Band at school and if we broke up, the band could split up. I really don't want that. One of the other guys in the band was into her but didn't go out with her for the same reason so i feel as I'd be betraying him and the rest of the band if I did. She is always complimenting me which is something I'm really not use to and I compliment her too but it gets really confusing. (for me anyway)

 

She is shy sometimes and doesn't seem like the person who would date anyone but she dated this guy online. I'm form Australia (she is too) and this guy was from America. She is still obsessed with this guy but they broke up last year. I guess he is sick of her. She has told me that she messages him everyday. She admits that she is clingy but I don't care. She is always talking about how great he use to be and how he changed. It makes me sad. She is just so kind to me.

 

She always apologises in advance for hitting on me. She says she is very "flirty" and dose not mean to do it and that she flirts with everyone. Then she says "Just ignore me if I do" So She doesn't like me. She blames it on her break up with the guy I mentioned earlier.

 

I know I'm not good enough for her. That's true. She is pretty, smart and just unpredictable. She has told me she cares about me and I have told her the same thing. She is everything I could want.

 

I'll do anything to spend some time with her. I'm texting her now and just offered to give her guitar lessons. I feel like I'm going insane. I want to be with her but I don't want to mess things up. I don't want to ask her out because that would make things awkward if she said no.

 

I just want some advice.

 

Should I talk to her about it?

What should I say?

Would dating her be a good idea?

 

(Sorry for any spelling mistakes)

[DanZee]

I think she likes being in a position to lead you on and you can't do anything about it. She's taking advantage of your shyness. You're probably just wasting your time. You should find a nice girl who will really date you.

[willdation]

You don't know if it's the right thing to do? Well, if the band is just a hobby and not your steady job, then I'd say go for it....

 

I'm not into dating colleagues as I once dated the girl who sat beside me in an office and she was quite the feisty one with a big temper....I remember just laughing at another girl's joke and she stoop up, slammed the desk SOOO hard the entire floor heard and stormed out of the room

 

But then again, my good friend plays guitar in a band and is dating the singer and they get along pretty good it seems...

[Jillstrand23]

you text so much to each other, why NOT take a chance with her? What have you got to lose?

[JustOneDude]

You don't know if it's the right thing to do? Well, if the band is just a hobby and not your steady job, then I'd say go for it....

 

I'm not into dating colleagues as I once dated the girl who sat beside me in an office and she was quite the feisty one with a big temper....I remember just laughing at another girl's joke and she stoop up, slammed the desk SOOO hard the entire floor heard and stormed out of the room

 

But then again, my good friend plays guitar in a band and is dating the singer and they get along pretty good it seems...

 

I play guitar in our band and she sings. Coincidence? Our band is just a hobby. Thanks for your advice.

[honkytonk]

I play guitar in our band and she sings. Coincidence? Our band is just a hobby. Thanks for your advice. her out and see where it goes. Go somewhere away from the band that you could enjoy together. Try to be calm and let it evolve.

[gokugenin]

I hope I can offer you the best advice, so here goes... You have to decide what is more important to you.

1.) Your rock band or...

2.) Pursuing a relationship with this girl.

There are three possible outcomes: you can have both, you can have neither, you can have one but not the other

If pursing a relationship with this girl is more important to you, then you have to accept the possibility of compromising your rock band. I want you to stop reading for a minute and picture this.

 

One day you build up the courage to ask her out on a date, and she agrees. Think about how you would ask her and how she would say "yes". The first date is amazing and the two of you build a deeper connection. You go on several other dates, and a relationship builds. And it meets the ideal you thought of many times and things are just great.

 

Ask yourself these questions.

 

Would you be able to trade your band for the relationship you imagined?

Was it difficult or felt weird when you imagined her saying yes?

 

I am going to specifically address some of the things you said.

 

"She always apologises in advance for hitting on me. She says she is very "flirty" and dose not mean to do it and that she flirts with everyone. Then she says "Just ignore me if I do" So She doesn't like me. She blames it on her break up with the guy I mentioned earlier."

 

This is her way of telling you she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you! She is telling you that you aren't special and don't read into my flirtatious behaviour "I do this with other guys". And it's also her defense for leading you on,(intentional or not). Lets say you confess and she rejects you, she could say " I told you to just ignore me".

 

Her flirtatious behavior, could be a way for her to cope with the break up, not having a current boyfriend, maybe she filling the need for some attention, or she just wants to have fun. As I am typing this I checked back to your original post and you said this "She blames it on her break up with the guy I mentioned earlier"

 

"She is still obsessed with this guy but they broke up last year."

This is a pretty obvious one I am sure you know, she still has feelings for him. Women will talk about guys they still have feelings for whether they are in a relationship or not. They need someone to confide in, and someone that is going to be on "their side". If she talking to you about another man it's not going to happen dude.

 

"I know I'm not good enough for her. That's true." There 2 types of guys who say this exact line 1. Players 2. Guys who actually think this about themselves and have a low self-esteem. I am going to guess that you are not a player, so here is some advice for you. I don't care how great you think a woman is never believe that you're not good enough for her. This is self defacing and doesn't make sense!

 

When i have a tough time making decisions, I try to go about it logically instead of relying on feelings and this is what I do...

 

I think of Action vs No Action, if "No Action" yields great consequences and "Action" outweighs "No Action" then choose to act and vice versa (pros vs cons)

 

I also like to think of Worse case scenario

 

This is how you minimized the "Worst Case Scenario" - This way you can ask her out with minimal risk if you decide to do so.

 

If she says 'no' the worst that could happen is that she stops flirting with you and or leaves the band. If she were to say "no" be cool about it, don't "flip" on her, don't talk about her leading you on, don't talk about "moments" you had just be cool, laugh/smile and say something like this "I was really curious to see what you would say, it's just you're a nice girl. You're right we shouldn't date it could break the band up". You have to play it so cool that she wont feel awkward about it. And it's likely she'll use the same excuse to let you down easy say you totally agree and approve her excuse. But I have to emphasize again you have to play it cool.

 

If you ask her out though and she turns you down, wait a couple days maybe a week and ask another girl out and go on a date with her Saturday night or whenever you're supposed to have band practice. Tell one of your band mates OUTSIDE of band practice that you have a date be excited about it. He might bring it up in band "heyyyy guess you got a hot date this week"

 

You MUST do this. 1) It is possible this could make her want you because she has lost your attention now, 2) This will ease awkwardness 3) It is possible you could move on and the feelings for her will fade. That's a win win win But don't just go on a date to make her jealous, do it 100% for yourself, date a girl you think is single and attractive.

 

But like I said before you have to decide what is more important to you, make a decision and commit 100% to it so you can move on.

If you decide not to ask her out move on, and don't go back on it.

if you decide to confess don't hesitate to tell her.

 

Anyways man I've typed a lot on here. I don't even know if you are going to read it. So if you respond to this post I'll write another post about 7 words you can say to get a date with a girl you have never spoke to before. So that if you decide my use strategy above you can get a date as quickly as possible.

 

Listen to me and you'll eat with the Kings!

 

Cheers