What's the nice thing to do?

[angelbou1734]

Hi Everyone,

 

I was just contacted for the second time by this guy I broke up with back in August. I ignored the first email but then he waited a few weeks and just sent another. My question is...should I politely respond letting him know I'm not interested? Or, is it better to just ignore him? A little background...

 

We dated for about seven months until I realized that our values were just really different. In my opinion, he was a bit of a snob, had a tendency to laugh at people and had no social conscience whatsoever. His treatment of his sister bothered me. And, he also had a mean vindictive streak (a guy took his parking space and he went back at night and let all of the air out of the person's tires - yikes!). I don't want to say there is anything wrong with him, he just didn't align well with me. When we broke up, I told him that I was sorry, wished him well, thought very highly of him, etc. He was angry and said: "That does nothing for me. I don't care."

 

He sent me one email a few weeks ago, which ignored. It just said: "hi." Then, yesterday, I received another that said: "I told myself I wasn't going to put any more time into you. But, I wanted to know if you missed me."

 

Should I reply? Normally, I would just say something nice, apologize, tell them I've moved on, and wish them the very best. But, this guy is a bit scary and I think is going to react badly no matter what I say. Then again, not saying anything may be problematic as well. Does anyone have a recommendation for me? I should note he's in his mid-40s, never married, no kids.

 

Thanks in advance!

[MissCanuck]

I agree that he sounds a tad unstable. For that reason, I would likely not reply to him.

 

However, if you feel the need to say something, I would keep it very brief, tell him that you have moved on and you don't wish to communicate further. That's it. Don't apologize; there is no need to, as there is nothing to apologize for.

 

I would keep a record of any contact he makes with you, though. If he has an angry and vindictive streak, I would be concerned that he might be letting the air out my tires next.

[angelbou1734]

Thank you very much! I appreciate your thoughts. I'm leaning that way, too.

[DancingFool]

Given that he is vindictive to the extreme you describe and the tone of his second e-mail....don't reply. He is dangerous and definitely unstable and the last thing you want to do is reply and provoke him, not to mention give him an opening and a reason to come after you more. When you are dealing with someone with that kind of mentality, anything you say will be held against you no matter how kind and nice you are being.