should i risk all..... again?!!

[angelic_spirit825]

Hi everyone!

 

Could do with some advice here! if you're interested in the background to this problem my last post is called Why??? and is in falling in love with friends forum.

 

Anywayz, my dilemma..... I have known this guy for about 9 months now and we have become close friends telling each other things that don't tell anyone else etc. and there's been the chatting and the hugging and the cute txt msgs great, but my problem comes.... i've recently realised how strongly i feel for him and would dearly love more than friendship and i decided to 'tell' him how i felt risking everything i know, i only did this because he had been giving all the signals and had been telling friends that he liked me, going red when he sees me, laughing at really unfunny jokes y'know the usual stuff. After i told him we didn't see each other for about a week but when we did see each other i was actually pleasantly surprised it wasn't awkward at all and we're back to how we were more or less but and it's a biggy.... i am still in the dark as to how he feels and also he told everyone he'd broken up with his girlfriend (another reason y i told him how i felt), turns out today whoops, a lie has been told he's still very much with this girl, i got completely ignored before he rushed out of college to greet her, lovely that innit (by the way she doesn't go to the same college as us and this is first time she has visited him incase your thinking this a little odd!)! I'll get round to my questions for you guys now!..... should i just confront him and ask him in so many words, fess up mate whats goin on in your head! ask him to just be honest with me? or should i be content that the friendship has seemingly survived one test? He has recently been through some family problems which i can emphasise with and i'm trying to be there for him but because of my feelings i'm finding it difficult. I do feel hurt by the situation and feel like he is perhaps playing games a little because I am pretty certain he still likes me because of the way he acts and the things he says and he has recently said that he still likes me to friends. If it gets any harder to deal with i am kinda afraid that i may have to walk away from it.... i mean everything but i really don't wanna do that because he is a great guy and i don't want to lose his friendship but i dunno? How should i react here, any advice would be most appreciated! ...... p.s i'm 17 and the guy is 18 if this helps. thanx everyone, luv angelic_spirit

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Angelic

 

Why is it that people fall for others that are already involved?

 

So you told this guy you liked him even though you knew he was involved with another girl?

 

which of these is correct?

 

1) He said he is not getting along with her and likes you better but has not left her first before starting a new relationship with you, just in case.

 

2) You expect him to leave her for you, in which case you think your so special that he would never be able to do the same to you someday in the future.

 

3) He is a real gentleman and avoids any romantic involvment with you but still remains friends with you, in the mean time you stay un-involved and suffer in the hopes that someday he leaves the girl he is with.

 

4) You stay in contact with your "friend" but move on in life, and look for a decent guy thats not involved with another woman.

 

remember girls and guys, whatever your potential mate is capable of doing to someone else, they are capable of doing to you!!! if someone cheats to be with you, that says a lot about who they are!! remember that!

[angelic_spirit825]

Hi Gilgamesh,

 

The guy was not involved with this girl when i told him how i felt (or at least that's what he had me believe - turns out he is still with her but i only found that out today !)

 

He hasn't said that he prefers either one of us - he's really not that kinda guy - i wish he was that straightforward in a way!

 

I don't expect him to leave her for me - i would just like him to be honest with me y'know - a little convo like 'you know i'm flattered that u like me and i like u too but i'm already involved with someone and don't want to leave her at the moment-can we still be mates' or words to that effect would be nice just so that i could hear it from him and try to move on instead of what he's doing - which incase he is a master at giving mixed signals he still likes me but is keeping quiet. I do see your point which is something i hadn't thought of i guess if he did leave her for me whats to say he wouldn't do that to me at some stage with someone else he meets down the line - that would turn into a bit of a paranoid relationship huh!

 

I admit your third suggestion is probably closest to the truth i guess he is acting in a way that is best for all involved i just couldn't see this before - i'm a little blinded by feelings as you may imagine and again you're correct i haven't been involved with anyone else during the time that this 'situation' has been going on and because of this i have missed out on several opportunities actually!

 

Thankyou for your advice i guess i'm going to have to be happy with being 'just friends' with him even though i know it's gonna hurt like hell for a while because like i said it's not even as though he's said he's not interested - that would make things a hell of a lot easier to deal with actually! I guess it would be unfair of me to try and talk to him about it again because i didn't realise this but i would really be asking him to choose between us and that would be pretty selfish on my part!

 

Once again thanks for the advice, if you have any more after reading this please do say and likewise anyone else out there if you agree or disagree please let me know - all advice welcomed....