Funkymonkey Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Hi everyone - I've recently turned 24 and have been dating my gf (27yo) for close to a year now. Just about 4 months ago, something my gf did triggered my irritation in which I nitpick everything action she makes. That was the day the honeymoon phased ended and my true colors showed. We've had arguments about this (things she does that irritate me) many times and they usually end with me saying - "I will be more patient and understanding and forgiving and compromising;" and her saying - "I will be more aware of the things that trigger you, and [sometimes] - these things aren't even a big deal, so learn to appreciate me for who I am." She is a very thoughtful, loving, kind, smart and strong woman (aquarius). I am a virgo who is very anal and very stubborn at many times. Maybe I'm even sociopathic, who knows? We're culturally very different even though we are both Chinese. I've spent many years of my life abroad. She's never lived abroad, but is not unfamiliar with western lifestyle. She, in my eyes, is a very ideal woman for me, but yet, all I feel are shortcomings. And when this happens, I snap on the inside, don't digest it very well, and I start to nitpick, and start to project this issue onto her as a whole (how she lives life this way). I become a bully, I say mean and cruel things and make her cry. Whenever this happens, I feel guilty, regret, and ashamed of myself for hurting my partner. EG - when she charges her phone whilst sending me a voice message on the chatting platform, her message comes out distorted; we established this as a fact while speaking on the phone after this happened twice. After it happened again - I, being methodical about diagnosing issues, told her check if it was a software/hardware issue repeatedly because I got annoyed. She told me she'd check it out, and being unconvinced, I repeated myself. Then, later on, I brought her work life into this questioning her problem-solving skills. She said I was making the issue larger than it actually was (which she is fully correct about) and told me to let it go. Another instance was - she could not close a car door manually on a soccermom van because it wasn't automatic, so I had to show her how (pull handle, and slide car door till closed). After all the arguments - I have not come around, and the issues are getting worse. I use cultural differences as an excuse to say she is the way she is and she'll never be able to understand where I am coming from. I've thought about breaking up to break the viscous cycle of tears and mean words. I've even contemplated on cheating, which I haven't done since I was 15 so I don't think that matters very much. Has the relationship run its course? I'm stuck and I don't want to give up because of my irritation. I feel selfish for being with her so that I can learn to be more tolerant. Can you guys offer some perspective? Thank you in advance for reading, apologies for the long post. TLDR - irritation causing arguments, contemplating on breaking up. Link to comment
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