What should I do?

[vicke86]

Well this is my first time posting so bear with me. Well I’ve been dating my bf for two years, I met him at a concert in LA and I live in Houston. We’ve been long distance the whole time, but we’ve seen each other almost every other month. Anyways, long story short, he cheated on me twice. Once I found pictures of him sending puctures of his privates to women on a dating app and the second time a friend of a friend called to tell me that he had tried to force her to go down on him. (She’s lesbian so she definitely wasn’t interested). Well after those two incidents we broke up for 6 months and he was the BIGGEST jerk to me in that time frame. Well we got back together in July and there’s been alot of yo-yo’ing back and forth, mostly because of him and whatever excuse he gives about feeling stressed, or he’s not good enough for me, or whatever.

 

Well we’ve been doing pretty good for quite a while now. Two days ago he told me his best friend (that he lives with) invited him to go to a concert and so naturally I asked who was playing at the concert. I didn’t recognize the name so i googled it I found out it was a club promoting crew who threw parties at clubs. So i called him out on it and asked why he had said it was a concert when it was actually a club. He literally made some twisted excuse about it but eventually said “well yeah, it’s a club.” Well I said “WelI want to trust you, but it’s hard to. Please don’t put yourself and our relationship in a rocky spot by going. I really want us to avoid issues.” His best friend is NOT the best example...he’s 6 years older than my bf who is 30 and is single with no kids and gets trashed ALL THE TIME. He’s known for being with alot of women and partying all the time. I felt super uncomfortable with him going and honestly felt disrespected. I told him that and I said (obviously out of anger) “Well if you go to this club with him we’re done.” And he bluntly said FOUR times “I’m going.” Then proceeded to say that he was going bc he was stressed and needed to relax. Wel I think most adults are stressed, but why go to a club? I had gone to a festival in the daytime with a girlfriend and that helped distract me from my stress. But I’ve never gone to the club or anything while with him. I went to the bar once for my sisters 27th birthday party but I was texting him ALL NIGHT LONG and even Facetimed him 3 times and sent him pictures so he could see what I was up to.

 

Well we have each other on Find My Friends (since the cheating occured) and saw him headed out to the club and I was in shock and texted him. He opened my message and never responded. He never called me to say he was on his way or anything. We had argued earlier and all he said was “I’m not even sure if I’m going or not.” at the end of the convo after saying he was going.

 

I have anxiety so i had a full blown anxiety attack. I feel asleep thinking that would calm me down. I later woke up at 6:30 AM (4:30 AM his time) and went to see if he had made it home and it showed him very far from home in a residencial area. I called him three times and he didn’t answer. Then I waited 30 minutes and called again. He answered but all I heard was him talking to a woman. She sounded very close to the phone and she sounded drunk and was giggling sayi g something I couldn’t understand. Then I heard him saying in a very flirtatious tone “Well why didn’t you get a Hello Kitty tattoo there?” and i could hear he was intoxicated. I almost flipped my top! I hung up and called again and he asked him why was he talking to a woman like that and he said “Well we came to drink with some friends, what’s wrong with that?” And I did hear other people in the background. He said “Do you want me to Facetime you so you can see?” He Facetimed and his phone died before it could connect. An hour later I checked on him and he was still there and he had charged his phone but had not returned my cal. It’s not 7 AM in the morning and he is STILL at that house which is an hour and a half away from his house.

 

I don’t know if I’m overreacting. I was never insecure until he did all the things he did in the past to me. I want to trust him and believe him, but him lying or hiding the truth and ignoring my feelings and thoughts AND ignoring my texts and calls just make me feel like he’s up to no good. I love this man very much, but I don’t know what to think or do. I’d appreciate anyone’s input or advice.

[abitbroken]

I think you should say goodbye to him. Granted, maybe he could argue that you didn't agree to be exclusive in the first month, but sending pictures of your privates is low class.

I would not stalk him with GPS apps. I would simply decide that you are better than all this and find a local guy.

[ThatwasThen]

This relationship is a farce. You stalk him to the point that you wake yourself up to go and do it. You don't trust him and it's quite obvious that he's not going allow you to control what he does or when he does it (which he shouldn't) If you're not going to give up your penchant to control then I suggest (and do so without malice) you find someone that is close enough for you to feel less out of control.

 

You are not emotionally capable of remaining happy in anything long distance and he's not capable of being monogamous in between those every other month visits you have with him.

 

You've already told him its over if he goes to the 'concert' (yes it is a concert and the title is not negated just because its being held in a club) so I that, by all accounts should be it. You best stick to your threat because you're better off keeping your word for reasons stated above.

[Empreez]

I agree with what Thatwasthen mentioned. You told him it is over if he would go to that club, which he did. It will do damage to your self respect (I know from experience) if you dont stick to your word. And if you do not have respect for what you stand for neither will he.

Though I have to say I do not agree on you stopping him from going to that club. I assume you did not want him to go since you would feel anxious of him cheating? Even though he has proven himself untrustworthy you did give the relationship another chance, so you start from scratch, but then you have to go all the way I'd say. Would you let him go if he hadn't done the things he did?

 

If you ask my advice on what to do, ask yourself if the relationship with this guy is worth the anxiety you receive with it as well.