Are we soulmates or am I delusional?

[pinkfang]

I met him in 6th grade. He sat at the table behind me and I distinctly remember turning around to tell some guy at his table about how I had named my bedazzled stapler Stacy because my weird self liked to name things and that’s when I saw him for the first time. I remember feeling my heart rate go faster but that was really about it. As time passed and I saw him more and more we would chat occasionally. On day he got “zapped” to me if you aren’t familiar with the game your friends write the name of someone you may or may not be crushing on and you have to ask that person out. He approached me with his cheeks all red and he didn’t make eye contact when he said “umm I got zapped to you but you can just say no” and I said “no” because it wasn’t cool to say yes even if you did have feelings for the person.

 

We had many classes together and sometimes we would sit very close. I used to talk with him a lot in English class and I was always in a very bad mood because at the time I had a very controlling stepdad. He always was trying to get me to laugh and even though I was sort of mean sometimes I really really appreciated it. My stepdad would ground me and I would have nothing to do but sit and stare at a wall, and being the optimistic person I am I would daydream of something better. It was always of him. I had memorized the way he smiled and the sound of his voice and I had memorized all the things he had ever said. It was literally the only thing I had left.

 

In 7th grade I took an art class that was only 5 students and including myself and he happened to be in it. He sat across from me as we only really needed one table for such a tiny class and we would chat all the time. It was my favorite part of the day. I had been telling my friends all about how I liked him for over a year at this point and one day they told me I needed to ask him out. I was way too embarrassed to ask him out in person so I gave my phone to my friends and I let them type out a message to send to him. He said that he didn’t like me like that and I was crushed. I should’ve been over him right then. I should’ve stopped caring about him right then but I didn’t and I couldn’t. I didn’t have anything else.

 

After that year my mom divorced the mean stepdad and I was free. I had a home again and I didn’t need him anymore. But I couldn’t let him go. I was super super ashamed and mad at myself for not being able to let him go. I wanted nothing more.

 

Fast forward 3 years to the fall of my sophomore year. I was sitting in math class while an old friend from middle school brought him up. She told me he had been struggling because his parents had gotten a divorce. Everything in me told me I needed to find him immediately and hug him and tell him that I was there for him. I wanted him to know that It didn’t matter that he didn’t have feelings for me because I wanted to be there for him no matter what. Then she told me that it had happened a year ago and that he was talking to this girl that he was perfect for and the urge to hug him was still very strong, but the respect I had for him and his relationship was stronger and I held myself back comforted that at least he had someone. In the winter decided I was going to go to the weight room to get super strong with my bff. I walked in and there he was lifting weights and chatting with the other dudes in the weight room. I went a few times a week and without fail he was there every time. We never chatted, things were always awkward after he said no. In spring I stopped going and I got myself a boyfriend.

 

In the summer my boyfriend and I were doing so good and I loved him so much. I happened to have a streak on Snapchat with the best friend of the guy I had liked for so long. One day the best friend broke his phone and my forever crush was snap-chatting me from his best friends account to keep his streaks. We talked a little bit then and it felt so similar to how it had in sixth grade. He gave me his personal snapchat and we talked there. I sent a picture of myself in a sports bra to my streaks knowing that he would see it. Why I did that I still am not entirely sure. He responded saying that I was really hot. Completely shocked that the guy I had liked forever that had always said he didn’t like me at all would say something like that to me, I said where did that come from? He said that he developed those thoughts back in the weight room and that he was very sexually attracted to me. I told him I had a boyfriend and he said that he was sorry for saying anything and that we didn’t have to talk about it anymore but I decided that we did need to talk because the boyfriend I thought I had loved made me feel nothing like this guy did in one sentence. I told him I felt the same but that I didn’t want to cheat on my boyfriend. He said that he didn’t want me to break up with my boyfriend because he didn’t want a relationship. I was completely confused about everything I had ever felt and I was also feeling extremely guilty. He used this to his advantage and convinced me to send him a nude. Now it was barely a nude more of like a shower pic with my hair covering my boob but I still had basically cheated on my boyfriend. I didn’t even know how to feel after that so I made a pros and cons list to try to decipher what to do. I decided that I wanted to be friends with him because that was all I had really wanted anyways was to be there for him as I had figured out in the fall. He said that was okay but every time id try to talk to him he would give me a one word answer and say he couldn’t talk and he would never ask me any questions. I told him that he had hurt my feelings and that he could snap me when he wanted to have a real conversation. The snap never came. At that point I should’ve let him go. I just couldn’t for some reason. It was definitely wounded I no longer desired to date him but it was like the only thing that I had at one point this safety blanket that I held so dearly I just couldn’t let go not because I needed it then but because I was afraid I’d need it again.

 

The next school year started and I up and decided one day that I wanted to know why he would ask me for nudes when he knew I was in a relationship if he had no feelings for me whatsoever. I told him in a snapchat that I wanted to understand where he was coming from and his responses were short and moody. He told me that he was talking to this girl and I told him I didn’t want to date him I just wanted to understand what happened and be there for him. I wanted him to know that I forgave him. I got upset with him for treating me like that and we both yelled at each other and I called him names and it was this explosion of pent up emotions we both had been holding in for years and then he did the one thing he had never ever done. He apologized. A sincere apology. All my anger all my hurt dissolved because I truly can’t stay mad at this boy. But a little while after that he left me on read and I haven’t snapchatted him since. This was only a few weeks ago and I’d like someone advice on what my next step should be. Keep in mind I would very much like to let him go but I don’t actually know how and at this point I truly believe that there’s a reason why I haven’t been able to and that someday he might need me. Maybe I’m delusional or maybe he’s my soulmate.

[chitown9]

You still have a boyfriend; correct?

[pinkfang]

You still have a boyfriend; correct?

 

No we actually just broke up a week ago

[yatsue]

I'm definitely going with delusional here. The guy thought you were hot, wanted nudes, and explicitly expressed he never wanted a relationship with you, twice no less. It's pretty clear here this is the case. If you don't get the very blatant hint at this point now, I'm not sure what will. Hopefully a bunch of strangers online telling you he only wanted a bit of fun from you and nothing else may do the trick.

 

Sorry, but this soul mate stuff is all in your head. If I were that guy, I would be thinking quite a lot of negative things about you and just said an apology to get you off my back. It is a good thing you aren't together with your boyfriend because you cheated on him. He deserves better than that. Although, I would take this as a lesson and go forward making morally better decisions in the future.

[pinkfang]

I'm definitely going with delusional here. The guy thought you were hot, wanted nudes, and explicitly expressed he never wanted a relationship with you, twice no less. It's pretty clear here this is the case. If you don't get the very blatant hint at this point now, I'm not sure what will. Hopefully a bunch of strangers online telling you he only wanted a bit of fun from you and nothing else may do the trick.

 

Sorry, but this soul mate stuff is all in your head. If I were that guy, I would be thinking quite a lot of negative things about you and just said an apology to get you off my back. It is a good thing you aren't together with your boyfriend because you cheated on him. He deserves better than that. Although, I would take this as a lesson and go forward making morally better decisions in the future.

 

I don’t want to date him anymore and my boyfriend had no idea. After that all happened I was really upset with this guy because I felt really taken advantage of and it actually helped me let him go and I was able to love my boyfriend more. He has no idea and we broke up for completely unrelated reasons. I just want to know him because when someone hurts me I usually can understand why and I can’t here I still don’t know what was going on with him that he’d do that. I just want to be his friend because I really feel like he needs one if he’s so desperate for attention that he’s going to ask someone that has feelings for him for nudes. I don’t understand why he would think poorly of me for caring about him. I think that you don’t really get to choose who you care for and I’m in a much happier place not making myself feel bad for caring about him. Because feeling ashamed about it didn’t make me stop. I guess he just really reminds me of me and I also feel like I owe him for the kindness he showed me in 6th grade when I had no one. And I just feel like I’m watching him fall apart and he’s not letting me help him. I don’t really think I will ever date him and i have up on that part of it a while ago but I still want to be there for him and I just think there’s a reason for it

[yatsue]

I realize your ex had no idea, but it still is good you two broke up regardless. It would be mature of you to tell him the truth of your infidelity, although I doubt you will. Do what you want now you're single. Be the D-bag's "friend who sends nudes" or go pursue other prospects.

 

I wouldn't say he took advantage of you, you willingly sent him nudes. You could have not. People will accept nudes despite whatever circumstance you're in. Nudes do not equal feelings, they equal horniness...

[EternalOptimis]

Many people don't realise they are just a feather in someone's cap. Stop using people and stop letting yourself be used.

[jimthzz]

Delusional - and that is for any romantic interest. There are billions of people on this planet. Odds are that you are compatible with millions of them.

 

But specifically this guy? Fantasizing about the connections is a kind of whacking off. Why" Because you get to ignore all the warning signs about why not.

 

Best to be the best, most authentic person that you can be and attract a like-minded person and see if there is chemistry and mutual interests/values.