New Girlfriend Issues

[RensoreK]

I've known this girl since I was 17, I recently turned 21 and we started dating. Shes been my best friend for a while and everything is going great. Ive wanted to know some things about her and we are planning on becoming intimate so I asked her if she's slept with anyone without protection, and she says yes, two people, and that she's been tested before and she will test her self again to prove shes clean. (I had the same scenario with my ex where she came up 'clean' but I had somehow got an STD from her, and she was the only one I ever slept with) so you can see why I'm worried. I know my new girlfriend slept with these people before she met me, but why does it hurt me inside to know she's slept with other people before? Is this a normal feeling?

[Sn0man]

Umm...it's quite normal to have slept with other people. I'm sure you have as well. You know that saying...don't ask if you really don't want to know. I find it best not to dig into my g/f's past sex life, because all I need to know is the one were having. Best to avoid that kind of question in the future.

[BehindBrownEyes]

I totally understand how you feel. Although I have not come accross this myself, being that I have only been in one long term relationship that lasted three years...he was and still is the only person I have slept with. I'm not exactly ready to sleep with anyone new, let alone be in a relationship, but I know that when the time comes I am sure it will bother me to know that this person has slept with x number of people. Try not to let it bother you, she is with you and only you now and that's what matters.

[jazn84]

Im in the same situation but who Im seeing I know already who she has slept with and its even worst that they are my friends! Its a feeling that really bothers me and is stopping me from wanting togo out with her. If i were you I would just remember she is with you at RIGHT now.

[OceanEyes]

Well for starters, I think that her telling you up-front that she's had unprotected sex should be an indication that she's not going to lie to you, even to spare your feelings. That's something to be respected and admired, as not many people would be so up-front.

 

It's not wise to hold someone's sexual past against them. What happened before you came into her life had nothing to do with you; she has made a choice to be with you at this point, so dwelling on past sexual experiences isn't going to benefit either of you, and will probably drive her away.

 

I had been with other people before I met my boyfriend. But, it's been almost two years at this point and I have no desire to be with anyone else. I had never met the right person until I met him. She probably feels the same, so looking forward to the future with her is probably going to bring you much closer than analysing her past.

[Cecelius]

If you think the quantity of people is enough to cause you not to respect her, then I'd consider getting out of the relationship: why be with someone you don't respect.

 

But yes, dwelling on it will DOOM the relationship. If you're going to stick around, anytime you get one of these feelings, go find her and show her, really well, why she's with you.

[Rickster]

I don't feel that you respect her. As long as she loves you and nobody else at that time she loves you sex has got no problems. I had this problem and I broke up with my girlfriend, but I couldn't take it not being with her and we got back together the next morning because I really loved her and she did too. I think love is more important than sex.

 

I also feel that you treat her unfairly in that you have had previous sexual relationships and it bugs you that she has had previous sexual relationships.