I need advice!

[Kriskris]

Im going to make this short and sweet! I recently posted about how I had to end a FWB situation because I was forming feelings. I can honestly say I miss him though, but not in the way one would think. I don't miss the possibility of a relationship I just honestly miss the company of him, the sex and the hang outs we had. It's been a week since we have talked and I sent the last text saying "I can't keep playing this game with myself" and he said nothing after that. In hindsight I now realize I really don't think I want a relationship but I miss our situation. Would i look crazy to reach out to him and say I would like to still see him sometimes....or do you think it's just me being lonely and maybe that's not what I need.i really am not about random hook ups and I don't think I would be able to do this with someone else, so that's not an option either. I want to be single. I have my own issues still with relationships so that doesn't seem to be like an answer. I have a yearning feeling to talk to him though..but again he never answered the last text and I havnt heard from him. Help my crazy mind!! Lol

[ThatwasThen]

I think it's just you being lonely. He likely assumes, because this is what usually happens in these types of dynamics, that you will reach out to him and ask for more of the same... all he has to do is wait and when you DO contact him asking to resume the dynamic, he'll be guilty conscience free because it will be your choice to be a booty call.

 

Give yourself more time to rehab from your addiction to the sex and your infatuation. You were forming feelings and if you continue on with him, you'll end up shredding your own heart.

[Kriskris]

I think you're right. Actually I know you're right. I just have this strong urge to call him. Prior to it ending be called everyday..even if we didnt hang out. We did "couply" things...he just wanted to make sure I knew we were just friends after a very intense day of "couply" days and I think that's when I was ready to stop it.

[ThatwasThen]

I think you're right. Actually I know you're right. I just have this strong urge to call him. Prior to it ending be called everyday..even if we didnt hang out. We did "couply" things...he just wanted to make sure I knew we were just friends after a very intense day of "couply" days and I think that's when I was ready to stop it.

 

That's why you started to have feelings for him because you didn't refrain from doing bonding rituals.

 

Don't reach out, hun. You will become hooked for sure if you keep on with him. If you don't want a relationship right now then stay single and concentrate on being the best you that you can be. That's when you'll realize what a good catch you are and you won't settle for anything less that a guy that knows your value.

[SweetGirl28]

Normally I'd advise to stay out of this FWB situation.

However, since he's been honest, and you are not looking for a relationship, do it.

But only if you can brush your feelings aside, because he will never see you as gf material.

When he finds a keeper, you will lose the hookup.

[nuttybuddy]

Don’t call him. You did the right thing. After the couply date he wanted to emphasize that you were only friends. Hellooooooooo huge red flag. He’s NOT THAT INTO YOU. Sorry. You’re not the FWB type of girl. Most people aren’t. We all long for a genuine loving trusting relationship whom we can depend upon. A person who is into FWB is looking for all the pleasures IN THE MOMENT, but have commitment issues and won’t stick around when times get tough. After all, misery loves company but who really likes sticking around for that if they’re not committed? Don’t expect him to text back. He’s already got the hint that you’re starting to like him for MORE THAN FWB and he’s CLEARLY TOLD YOU he’s not into you. Sorry. Move on. Find someone who’s into you for you... not just into you when it’s convenient.

[Pleasedonot5]

I don't think you should reach out. I don't think it would look crazy, but it would definitely shift the power back into his court

 

Plus, you ended it... Sooo that might be confusing to him. Just pick one: be with him or don't. Don't pick halfway.

[ThatwasThen]

Normally I'd advise to stay out of this FWB situation.

However, since he's been honest, and you are not looking for a relationship, do it.

But only if you can brush your feelings aside, because he will never see you as gf material.

When he finds a keeper, you will lose the hookup.

 

So what if he's been honest? That doesn't negate the fact that she already is emotionally invested and to go on with someone in a sex only situation when she's too far deep in is a recipe for disaster. Its not so easy to brush one's feelings aside when you are feeding the addiction.

[Kriskris]

Thank you everyone for your responses ....When he told me he just wanted to be friends he said that a relationship wasn't his focus right now ...I think part of me thought maybe nothing is wrong with me but after the responses I've gotten on here it sounds like hes just not that into me ...Which may be true but I think that makes a even worse ..Because he is the one that pursued and had us go out on these dates and excursions ..I really believes like part of him might have liked me but was Scared ...Are your thoughts ?

[Kriskris]

I understand where you're coming from ...Part of me doesn't think hes looking for a keeper at this time ..Maybe a better way of saying at what have been somebody else ..He is only 26 and without getting into too much detail was in prison for 3 years ..I feel like hes just kind of a cold person in general and maybe it isn't aboutme and me not being a keeper

[SweetGirl28]

So what if he's been honest? That doesn't negate the fact that she already is emotionally invested and to go on with someone in a sex only situation when she's too far deep in is a recipe for disaster. Its not so easy to brush one's feelings aside when you are feeding the addiction.

 

 

She doesn't want a relationship either.

She's obviously a consenting adult.

[SweetGirl28]

I understand where you're coming from ...Part of me doesn't think hes looking for a keeper at this time ..Maybe a better way of saying at what have been somebody else ..He is only 26 and without getting into too much detail was in prison for 3 years ..I feel like hes just kind of a cold person in general and maybe it isn't aboutme and me not being a keeper

 

if you're okay with this never amounting to anything, continue it.

Can you have a friendship with him and stop having sex? Or is he that mind blowing?

[SweetGirl28]

Thank you everyone for your responses ....When he told me he just wanted to be friends he said that a relationship wasn't his focus right now ...I think part of me thought maybe nothing is wrong with me but after the responses I've gotten on here it sounds like hes just not that into me ...Which may be true but I think that makes a even worse ..Because he is the one that pursued and had us go out on these dates and excursions ..I really believes like part of him might have liked me but was Scared ...Are your thoughts ?

 

For certain he must like you, you've been a FWB, as opposed to an eff buddy.

He enjoys spending time with you. I've been there, done that. I caught feelings

that were not intended. And it hurt like hell when he ended it because he couldn't give more.

You know you have feelings. Decide if they are feelings leading to love, or if you are feeling

lonely without him. It's your choice. I'm not defending the guy, but I can't fault him for being

honest in what he wants, or doesn't want right now. In my case, the guy acted like he was

ready for more, just to keep me around because he was having fun with me.

[wandergrl18]

I'm in a similiar situation, I ended things with my fwb once cause I started catching feelings. But then I realized that I didn't even want a relationship with him, I really just wanted the sex and his company. I'm still young (21) and I'm not even ready to commit to one person right now. I realized that I just wanted to continue having fun with him.

So I reached out to him after a week of no communication and said that I miss the sex. He quickly responded saying that he missed it too. And just like that our situation is now back to the way it was. Sex, sex and more sex. Which I'm happy with.

 

If you TRULY just want an fwb arrangement you have to reach out to him as if it's a booty call. He'll come running back to you. Show him you mean business and that this is just fun.

[ThatwasThen]

She doesn't want a relationship either.

She's obviously a consenting adult.

 

... you are forgetting that she already has feelings for him. Had she just been having sex and getting dressed and left, she wouldn't have developed feelings and she can FWB ad naseum.

 

She already has feelings so its not so easy to just let those feelings go when you're still bonding through sex. You can't put the toothpaste back into the tube.

 

Op: He is fond of you and he enjoys the sex but he's not having the feelings you are. If you're going to have casual sex you best get it out of your head that you're not good enough for a relationship and just go into it as a means to get off and nothing more... no expectations, no bonding rituals and be prepared for him to become scarce as he "dates" someone new and primes them only to tell them that they aren't ready to be in a relationship AFTER he's gone to bed with them.

 

Did he tell you he only wanted to be friends before he bed and cuddled and all the other bonding rituals that got you invested?

 

I'm in a similiar situation, I ended things with my fwb once cause I started catching feelings. But then I realized that I didn't even want a relationship with him, I really just wanted the sex and his company. I'm still young (21) and I'm not even ready to commit to one person right now. I realized that I just wanted to continue having fun with him. So I reached out to him after a week of no communication and said that I miss the sex.

This goes back to what I originally said in my first post about the chick ending it and then contacting to go back for more. Its more typical then unusual and it certainly works in the guys favor to just go silent until she reaches out.

 

Odds are high that you're going to shred your own heart, wandergrl. Its what happens more times then not when someone returns to a FB situation when they've already caught feelings.