Am I overreading her? HELP NEEDED

[baronvonsauce]

Sorry for the very long story, but I have a friend who I met online nearly 14 years ago. I was writing a story on a fanfiction site, and she contacted me via AIM (that's how long ago it was) and told me how much she liked my work. We get to talking and writing stories together (usually kept between us) and as the years go by, I end up getting a crush on her. When I joined the military, I got stationed in her home state and we met up IRL at a convention (as friends, but she was aware that I had a crush on her).

 

After a year or so, I ask her out and she turns me down politely, saying she wasn't interested in me in that way. I'm able to let go of my feeling at this point and even get a girlfriend for a while, but that relationship ended a few months later. I vanish for a deployment and come back, and she invites me to her house to meet her parents and hang out. This happens a few times, and then one day out of the blue, she asks me out on a date, which I accept. After a few more, we become a couple for about less than a year. It turns out she was giving me a chance because I had waited so long and she was trying to force the feelings onto herself. Regardless, we end peacefully and remain really good friends.

 

And then my next girlfriend comes up. A year into the relationship, she gets upset over me still being friends with the girl, and like crappy friend, I stop being friends with her. I had called her to do it and when we hung up, she messaged me saying she was crying. I cried that day too. I stay with this girl for 4 more years before we finally break up, and for the record, it was a nightmare of a relationship.

 

Fast forward to this past end of August. I finally get some nerve and message this friend and apologize. She accepts and we get back to being really good friends. We go back to making stories and chatting about our interests and all that. Lately though, I feel like I'm falling for her again.

 

I've noticed some possible signs of interest, but I think I may be reading too much into it.

 

Number 1: We talk non-stop, mostly about story stuff, but also our own interests and each other. When we're at work, she'll email me thoughout the day if she isn't too busy. When I have my phone, we'll chat and write our story. When we're at home, we chat and write until one of us goes to bed. With all the new tech that came out after we stopped being friends, we seem to be always in touch.

 

Number 2: I got invited to her house three weeks after we became friends again. Her family was excited to see me again, and she and I played games together. After her little cousin had left and it was just me and her, she ended up poking me with her toes by accident, and had them there for a while. She apologized and stopped, but I was a little surprised by it. She never did that before.

 

Number 3: I visited her at her job (department store) to pick up a Halloween decoration. She helps me find it, then helps me go find the men's clothes. Just as I'm leaving, she gives me a hug (usually, our hugs are friendly with a sizable gap between us). However this time, she walked forward and pressed her body against mine. She's usually really funny about being touched, so that was a little strange to me.

 

Number 4: She's on OKCupid and had two dates with two different guys just last week. The first date she was nervous about telling me about and when I asked her why, she simply said 'blame my gut.' I do ask her how it went and she said that she enjoyed it and accepted a second. I asked her that if I end up developing feeling for her again, will she quit being my friend or let it get in the way of her happiness (I assumed that why she was nervous about telling me). She said 'Nah, you've always respected my wishes and that means a lot. You're still one of my best friends.'

 

Number 5: The second date happens a few nights later and she texts me in the middle of it to complain about their waitress not returning for 45 minutes. The date ends and she messages me before she drives home that's she's excited to get back to her story. I ask her how her date went and this is the exchange that went down:

 

Her: He’s cool. I like this man. I mean I liked the last one too. Please don’t let my life end up like a shoujo manga where I gotta deal with guy drama

 

Me: Unless I'm the unlikely hero of this manga can't help ya there

 

Her: XD

Her: At least you’re honest

 

I do think I have feelings for her again and I want to see if I can rekindle this relationship. I want to try flirting with her and see what happens (soon as I figure out how to approach it) Still, I won't bank on it happening and will find someone else if she hooks up or I get turned down again. But I dunno if I'm reading too much into this or if she might be interested in me as well. I did invite her out to a friendly outing two days after her date, but she wanted me time after being on two dates and a full week of work. We stayed home and chat/wrote our story all day that day.

 

I just need to know what I should do. It's confusing and I'd hate to think I'm missing another shot at this relationship. We dated nearly 7 years ago and I think we both got an idea of what we want in life/relationships. Any thoughts?

[DanZee]

I think it's time for you to stop playing the game.

 

She monopolizes all of your time writing kinky fan fiction with you. It sounds like her way of getting off. She's been flirting with you for 14 years but doesn't want a real relationship with you. Has she ever formed a real relationship with anyone? She knows how to control you and make you come running if she wants. But she turns down your affection.

 

I think you need to say game over. You should ask her straight out why she doesn't think of you as more than a friend. And unless she wants a relationship with you, you should make your contact with her all business and no more flirting. And no more erotic fan fiction writing. You need a real relationship and not this fantasy one.

[MissCanuck]

Yes, you're reading too much into this.

 

She Friendzoned you a long time ago but she likes the attention you give her. You need to dial way back on this friendship, or you are going to wind up hurt again. If she felt any attraction toward you, she'd be dating you. Not guys from OKC.

 

I think you have wasted far too much of your time and heart on this girl.

[willdation]

Here is the deal....

 

If you go along with just being "Friends" this is ALL you will ever be in her eyes. Women have a really good radar in detecting feelings, so if you go along chatting and hiding your feelings, she will perceive this as insecurity and will keep you friend-zoned.

 

Now, if on the other hand you say "I am sorry, but I cannot be just friends with you as I want something more and I cannot just lie about it. So, you have my number and if you ever change your mind, you know how to reach me and I would love to hear from you" Then walk away and never contact her again....

 

THIS will show her you stand up for your feelings and speak the truth and I can almost bet that after a week or so, she WILL reach out to ya....

 

Then when she reaches out to you, just ask her when she is free to get together. I would also just use chatting/phone for setting dates right now....