No contact for over a week

[Bbarbie]

My boyfriend and I got in a fight 1 week ago. We talked about Him partually moving into my place because his work schedule is crazy and he lives faraway but my apartment is closer to his job. He was supposed to move in the weekend and when i asked if he was still moving his stuff over he said he would. I waited all day to hear from him and he texted me to come over to his place cos he was sick. I went over there and he seemed fine. We were happy and chatty and then i had a mood swing because he did not even mention the move in together. So i blew up and asked why he invited me over and why he had not packed his stuff like we talked about, he just didn't respond and instead just kept hugging me. I got so mad and went anf started packing all my stuff in his apartment and told him i was leaving him and our relationship since he did not keep his promise. So he got mad and opened the door for me to leave. I left but came back because i did not want to leave things that way. I tried to sleep on the couch but he asked me to come in the room. I did that and i cried the whole night, i don't know if he heard me or not but sometimes during the night he held me for a minute and then just turned away. So when we woke up in the morning i asked how he was and if he wanted to talk. He said he was fine and was not mad but did not want to talk then and maybe later we could talk. So i told him it was gonna be too awkward for me to hang around and i was leaving and asked him to call when he felt up to it, i also apologized for my part in the situation. he said no problem and that was the last i heard from him and ir has been a week now. Lately he has been going through alot with work stress and his son's mum and his family problems. I have been super understanding and supportive. I don't see him as often as i want to and that is why i suggested the move in since my place is closer to his work. Just a month ago at the same time we talked about the move in, we also talked about marriage and having kids in like 2 years. I Just feel torn and want to move on with or without him but i have no closure, he still has my apt key and some of his clothes and shoes are still here and i have to look at it everyday, also he owes me money for something we bought together and i put on my card. I know i was wrong in losing my cool but i feel bad not only because he did not keep his promise but also how he opened his door to let me leave at 1am. I am just torn and hurt

[KantSleep]

"because he did not even mention the move in together. So i blew up and asked why he invited me over and why he had not packed his stuff like we talked about, he just didn't respond and instead just kept hugging me."

Sounds like he is uncertain about the partial move-in. Now you have given him a reason to ghost you (your blow up). I would call him and ask what the status of your relationship is. You left the ball in his court, to "call when he felt up to it". He hasn't called. You need to know where you stand. So ask. You may not like the answer, but at least you will know. Good luck.

[Mermaid1121]

I think it's just about you right now. You need to really think about what he means to you. Maybe this is all too much and you want a break. If not try to set up a little time for the two of you to grab coffee or sit in a park. Men aren't too good with the first move from my experience, so set the time and the place and give him the chance to express himself. Just be confident and know how you feel. He may not know himself, and he may need you to say where you stand before he can. I hope this helps and good luck.

[Bbarbie]

thank you everyone for the feedback. Some food for thought and i will post updates

[Bbarbie]

Sounds like he has already disconnected himself from you, but didn't want to hurt you and when you blew up that was it for him. Marriage kids, stress at work, and family issues, you were the last thing on his mind cuz he knew you would push the marriage issue and just add more stress to his increasingly stressful life. Move on and forget about him cuz he has forgotten about you.

 

What about the money he owes me and my house keys? I really nees those back, wondering if its a good idea to ask for it myself or have my sister do it. I really don't want to face the rejection

[MissCanuck]

What about the money he owes me and my house keys? I really nees those back, wondering if its a good idea to ask for it myself or have my sister do it. I really don't want to face the rejection

 

I think you need to ask him yourself. I understand it will be painful, but I would not involve your sister in this. This is between you and him.

 

It sounds like he wasn't ready to move in and didn't know how to tell you, so he did the immature thing and just put it off and put it off. I don't blame you for being upset; he said he was moving some things in when apparently he'd had a change of heart. He should have communicated that to you directly, instead of making you wonder what was going on and leaving you to arrive at your own conclusions.

 

I would take the bull by the horns and call and finalize this.

[Bbarbie]

Sounds like he has already disconnected himself from you, but didn't want to hurt you and when you blew up that was it for him. Marriage kids, stress at work, and family issues, you were the last thing on his mind cuz he knew you would push the marriage issue and just add more stress to his increasingly stressful life. Move on and forget about him cuz he has forgotten about you.

Thanks. I just texted him asking if we could talk since its been over a week. I have been putting this off cos he is passive aggressive and when we fight he always avoids the problem and just shuts off for a day or 2 and comes back like nothing happened which I absolutely hate because its emotionally draining. One time he pulled it off for one week when we first talked about commitment, I misunderstood something he said and told him I would have to keep my options open if he did not want to get married again. When I contacted him he avoided me until eventually he responded and told me he was hurt by my jumping into conclusions and immediately deciding the solution was to see other people. It was a hard time for me and I was so stressed out emotionally.

If he does not respond by the end of the day i will just go ahead and ask for my stuff and never look back. I definitely cannot deal with this passive aggressive behavior for the rest of my life, I would rather have the physical abuse than this emotional abuse. Hopefully its all peaceful. I will post updates.

[KantSleep]

You need answers, so your text was the right thing to do. If he doesn't answer, moving on is your best bet. Sorry you are going through this.

[Bbarbie]

You need answers, so your text was the right thing to do. If he doesn't answer, moving on is your best bet. Sorry you are going through this.

 

It took me 18 months to realize what I was dealing with. He is a walking definition of passive aggressive and all this time I thought I was crazy when infact he is the one with the problem. I am not sure if we will ever work out again because he has not responded to my messages. I asked for my money and he still did not respond. I am so exausted from the whole situation that i might just end up forgetting the money and the apartment key. Just want to move on from this crazy man. I will continue to post updates. Hopefully my post helps someone out

[Bbarbie]

You need answers, so your text was the right thing to do. If he doesn't answer, moving on is your best bet. Sorry you are going through this.

 

So he finally responded and said everything was fine and he was just busy and that he does not want to break up and I would never be able to get rid of him no matter how hard i tried. Looks like I landed a crazy one, the totally acted like nothing happened and asked me on a date this evening. Not even sure how ro handle this