Confused with reasons for breakup

[clarkster2005]

Hi all,

 

I just wanted to see if I could get some help for reasons or answers to my breakup with my G/F, as she doesnt seem to be giving me one.

 

Ive been seeing her for about a year, and I met her at a time where she had just broke up with her ex ( maybe 1 month gap in between). We clicked straight away and felt so comfortable with each other so quickly.We done loads of stuff together and got on so well, Im sure that I havent got on with anybody so well before. We never ever argued and always had the same interests, inlcuding going out clubbing, for meals etc....in a way, a couple that I thought was so right for each other.

 

I knew that this girl was really special, and I really did treat her so well, we went away for her Bday, I bought her presents and just treated her so well......I thought.

 

We only had a couple of problems, she lived on the other side of town (London, UK), so we only got to see each other once in the week and on weekends (Fri, Sat , Sun), but every time we met up, we had a great time.

 

Everything was going well, and i was planning a trip away for a month for the both of us as we both talked about doing a trip round Europe. We'll I thought we both wanted it, as our other problem was, i guess, was our communication. Her way of telling me she didnt want to do the trip was to arrange a skiing trip with her friend for a week!!!!!!!! I was well shocked, so I sat her down and we talked, and she said that she didnt really want to do the trip but couldnt tell me before hand, but told me now that she was going with her friend. We had a good talk, and i asked her how she felt about me, and she paused!!!! I knew there was a problem from then on.

 

Over tha last 6 - 8 weeks, things havnt been right, physically she hasnt really been there, like holding hands and showing affection, and then we had another confrontation where again she was saying that this might not be what she wants, as we dont see each other much now (We went to seeing each other once in the week, then once at the weekend), and she said that there was no spark anymore which I cant understand as we always had a laugh and enjoyed each others company. There wasnt anything I wouldnt do for her. I suppose I wanted to bury under the rug and ignore what she was saying, which was wrong, until a week later when she dunped me!!!

 

Now what she's saying is really confusing. 1. That when i met her she had just split up with her ex (But that was over a year ago), 2 that she wants to now be on her own 3 that the spark has gone!!! (basically that she has fallen out of love with me in 2 months, which I think is crazy if your in love with somebody). She said that she has been having these thoughts since Feb, before her going away. And she couldnt tell me, I just so wished she could, so we might have been able to sort it out.

Im totally shocked as we are so meant for each other..we really are. I did everything for her and treated her so well, and she even told me I was her perfect B/F!!!! I just wish i knew what the reasons are. She wasnt a girl to muck people around, or string people along or be selfish or self centred...this is what is making this breakup so hard for me. She used to mention that we maybe wanted different things, as she was quite a homely girl and i was bit more adventurous who like to travel etc, bu that doesnt mean we are going in differemt directions right?

 

Its so typical that the week she dumped me was the week that i was going to say to her that we should start to see more of each other again, and go back to the way things were. She also used to like going out a lot with her friends, who most of are single. i even used to go out with her and her mates, and never ever stopped her going out, but maybe she missed that life i dunno, maybe thats it as well. I also look back and see that from day one, i always really made the effort to get the affection.

 

I even tried to talk her round, to make her see the light and that she was making a massive mistake because we felt so good with each other, but she had made her mind up already, and nothing was going to change it.

 

Sorry for rambling on a bit, but any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Kind Regards

Dave.

[DN]

I'm sorry to say that the sad fact is that she has seen the light - and you are not in it. The clue is that she said she has been thinking about this since February, that is a strong indicator that she has thought this through and is unlikely to change her mind.

 

It is very hard to accept the fact that someone does not love us in the same way the at we love them. Wishing it were different is not going to make it different. The best thing that you can do now is to take her at her word that it is over, get over the sadness as soon as you can and then find someone else.

[heloladies21]

OK, exact same thing happened to me. Here's what to do. Initiate No Contact, which means no more calls, emails, text messages, letters, no communication of any kind. Find some other things to concentrate on like school, work, gym, shopping, and go out and talk to other girls. It's just innocent conversation and flirting and it will do a world of good to take your mind off of this and heal you up. It's not 100%, but most likely she will call sometime in the next month or so about something trivial. Be calm and cool, don't say anything about the relationship, don't ask where she stands and all that, just be slick and joke around. Give her a few minutes and cut her off. Say you have something to do and end the convo. See if she starts to chase you and then you can decide what you want to do with her. And if she doesn't chase or doesn't call, then she never really cared about you anyways.

 

By the way she can't tell you why she feels the way she feels because she doesn't even know why herself. It's normal and you need to let her work this out on her own. Give her a chance because nobody's perfect.

[7CardStud]

I'm pretty much in the same spot... But I don't know if i even want her chasing me... She has decided she is going to prom with her ex who was a total jerk to her... She didn't even think about it! she just said yes! I was so crushed when she told me this, I don't think I want to do anything with her. Just build up my walls and keep on truckin'....

 

Love sucks

[G76]

I'm in the same situation at the moment too - so can't offer any advice sorry. Only that your not going through it alone we are all here with you.

 

Love truly does Suck!!

 

But with all us having so much love to give and feeling this way - there must be someone out there who will love us as much as we love them. (here's hoping anyway)