He broke up with me out of the blue and it’s sooo fishy and confusing.

[Dimka]

Heya everyone.

A little over a month ago my ex broke up with me out of the blue it seems. We were LDR, it was gay, he’s about to be 18 and I am 18. I’ve visited him 3 times already and the plan was for me to come up twice a month plus a bunch of amazing things planned.

 

But 3 days after the last time I visited him he texts me saying that he isn’t in love with me anymore. Of course he also said I did absolutely nothing wrong, and he wishes he knew what to do. He also said that he still wanted me to come up and continue to be a part of his friends and family up there...

 

I’ve tried NCR, but caved in and texted his friend asking if he misses me and she told him and he got mad at me. Am I back at square 1? And I love all of the advice but I know with my heart he’s the one and he said it sooo many times. I’m willing to do whatever to be with him again. Rn he’s very apathetic when I did text him. I’m composing a letter to hide for him to find when I go to see him in December again. His friends want us to get together again and want to know what they can do to help. They think I need to wait and start over. Which I’m okay with.

 

Thanks.

[SadSadgirl]

There could be a multitude of reasons why he broke up with you. School, stress, work, family issues, mental issues, another love interest. Whatever the reason may be, he doesn’t want to share the issue with you. He lost feelings for you and wants you as a friend (He wants to have the cake and eat it too). Remaining friends with him gives him 0 time to miss you and it allows him to be fine with a friendship (so why would he want a relationship when he has the ease of a friendship?). I’d advise to do no contact for a month or two, especially due to his apathetic behavior towards you. Good luck.

[Dimka]

Thanks for the advice.

As I said he said he ‘wasn’t in love with me anymore’ which I guess is a reason. Idk I’m just so confused, he did add an additional small random reason that he wasn’t physically attracted to me *i started going to go to the gym a few months ago to work on that but he said in the past I’m beautiful and he loves me exactly how I am* Other than that he never said we weren’t compatible- he never said we wouldn’t or couldn’t work out. In fact he told me that I was someone he wanted to start his young adult life with. Idk what I did to be put in this spot.

[MissCanuck]

I don't think you did anything wrong, OP.

 

It's normal at this age to not commit too seriously, and for people to change their minds about being in a relationship with someone. He is being honest about his feelings for you, and just as you can't help the way you feel about him, he can't help that he doesn't feel the same way back any more. It's very hard to accept, I know. I have been where you are too, right around the same age.

 

I would not continue to visit him. That will be too painful for you, because you want a relationship and he does not. Also, please do not involve his friends in this. They aren't him and cannot speak for him. I know you are confused and hurt and searching for answers, but that's not the way to go.

 

It sounds cliche, but some relationships just aren't meant to last. This is especially true when both parties are still very young and figuring out the world and their place in it.

[Dimka]

Thank you MissCanuck, but do you have any advice that might help me restart with him? Some people are just saying to just drop him and forget about it - but that’s not my goal. I didn’t do all of the things I did to just forget it all on command.

I won’t involve his friends but one did tell me that he likes space. And he himself said he needed space and a lot of time and it was a possibility.

[MissCanuck]

Yes, step way back and give it time and give him plenty of space. That's no guarantee that anything will change, mind you.

 

If he's going to miss you, it will only happen if you're not around. If it doesn't happen, then you know it's not meant to be.

[KE1206]

You can't make him want you. He flat out told you he is done and is not attracted to you. That is not a small, random reason! That is huge!! He is sleeping with other girls and his friends are helping him by saying he likes his space. Come on, you are in denial because you want him to want you. You deserve a good guy not a player. Tell him to F off and I bet as soon as you act like he means nothing to you he will want you back. If you are smart you will forget about this jerk and find a guy who cares about you.