Not giving up on ex girlfriend after heart break

[Sr1993]

Okay so I’m this is the first time I’ve ever done something like this so bare with me.

 

I split up with my ex girlfriend 8 months ago, we was together for 3 years. I never really go over it and still haven’t to this day. I’ve only seen her once in person since. And I’ve spoke to her a handful of times.

 

I’ve wanted to be back with her since we split and never really been able to move on with anyone else (trust me I’ve tried). About 4 months after we split I bumped into her and she told me she was seeing someone and that’s why she couldn’t speak to me or meet me. I was devastated, she did say that it would be different if she wasn’t seeing this new person.

 

Now here’s the heart break, recently I found out the person she was seeing was her boss at work. I found this out as one of her friends contacted me asking if I knew where she was as she went missing. This was due to them being caught after many months. Eventually I managed to get ahold of her to find out she was okay much to my relief as I still care so much for her. However she told me that she was in love with him and couldn’t see or speak to anyone else while she had these feelings.

 

I feel so confused over it. It makes me feel sick thinking about it and it’s taking over my life. Her boss is 37, married and has 2 kids. She is only 23, also her boss and wife have been a big part of her life since she was 15 when she left her mums house. The wife was like a sister to her and looked out for her. He has now supposedly left his wife and kids to move in with my ex. Realistically could that even last? Could they stay together?

 

I find myself still holding out in the hope it doesn’t work out and maybe I could get my chance with her again. I know it sounds pathetic and I need to drop it but I just can’t bring myself to give up on her even though I feel as if it’s mental and physically taking over my life.

 

To be honestly I’m not sure what I’m really asking here. I guess it’s just because I’ve been unable to really speak to anyone about this or bring it up. So it’s nice to be able to put my story out there and see what people say.

Sorry if posted in the wrong place, again this is my first time doing something like this

[Rustysuit]

You want to hold on to any bit of hope and you're seeking validation through us.

 

No one can say if that relationship will last, but what if it doesn't? Do you think she'll come back to you after that? And do you think that's the best for you?

 

I can't say because I'm still very much in love with my ex and would take her sorry a.s.s. in seconds, but the rational part of me also says that'd be most likely a mistake.

 

Anyway, I think you need to assume she won't come back and that her affair with the boss is meant to last, even though it'll probably crash and burn very quickly. Would you want to be with a cheater? Or be with someone who chooses to be with someone who cheats on his wife?

[shessofly]

It’s not unreasonable that you are not over her 8 months out of a 3 year relationship. What have you done to move on from her? She has chosen to get into what sounds like a really messy situation but that is out of your control, and not something you should involve yourself in. If you haven’t done so already it’s time to stop keeping tabs on her life/relationship/activities.

 

Moving on from someone typically involves implementing complete nc, including not following social media. Yes you can hold on to hope and wait in the wings but may find that you have waited in vain and tormented yourself in the process. Tell yourself that whatever she does is no longer your concern and out of your control, and try not to find out what she’s up to. Tell your friends you don’t need updates on her life. I would advise not waiting around for that relationship to fail. Good luck.

[Sr1993]

I’ve tried moving on from her by seeing other people, but nothing has ever come from it because of my feelings towards my ex, and I find I don’t feel it’s fair on whoever I’m seeing as my heads still very much think about my ex if you get what I’m saying?

 

I no longer have her on any form of social media, and none of my friends talk to her and know what’s going on. So I guess that is a start really.

 

This is the first time I’ve heard of her actually being with someone else since we split so it was quite painful to hear. Everything tells me I should just give up and get on with my own life and let her get on with hers but I still finding myself searching for that one bit of hope it can go the way I really want it to

[Giblesp]

You say you split up, who broke up with who and for what reasons?

[Sr1993]

She broke up with me, She never really gave me a real reason, she was going through a rough time for a couple of weeks with some personal matters and decided she need some space which I gave her, that resulted in her deciding that she Diddnt feel like we should be together. I’ve always thought during that time I should have been there for her a bit more but I was conflicted between letting her have the space and time she wanted or trying to stick by her and be there with her

[pippy longstocking]

She broke up with me, She never really gave me a real reason, she was going through a rough time for a couple of weeks with some personal matters and decided she need some space which I gave her, that resulted in her deciding that she Diddnt feel like we should be together. I’ve always thought during that time I should have been there for her a bit more but I was conflicted between letting her have the space and time she wanted or trying to stick by her and be there with her

 

I hate to say it , but he might have been in the pipe line already !!

 

But regardless if he was or wasn't , regardless of trying to work out the longevity of their relationship , it is over for you . I had hope for longer then 8 months that me and mine would reconcile , we are all different and each relationship is different , so be kind to yourself .

[Ziggy123]

I'm really sorry your are going through this and giving up hope it the hardest part. Once you finally give up hope and decide to move forward it will hurt a LOT less. And also when you cut all contact you will be able to move on. Why are you waiting around for someone who doesn't want You? Don't you deserve better than that, don't you deserve someone who loves you how you love them? Just a thought.

[shessofly]

Moving on doesn’t necessarily mean dating others, so I agree with not dating until you’re a bit further in your healing. Keep busy, work out, hang with friends, accomplish/make new goals for yourself and work on not letting your mind sit on her. Then give it time. Everyone heals at their own pace and usually if you’re the one who got dumped it’s gonna take you longer than the person who decided to end it.