Felt in Love with a Stranger

[gr4y]

Hi People,

first of all thanks for creating a place like this so people like me that are hardly in the need of some objective advise can get some advice here.

 

I am a 21 year old guy from Germany and I'm in a relationship with a girl my age for over two years now. Both of us used to share the same views and thoughts and that's why we decided to move together at some point in the past. As time went, our relationsship slowly started to fall apart piece by piece because of her not learning from very simple mistakes. I don't want to blame everything on her, but we both have the same opinion on this topic so she's basically the reason for our relationsship not being like it used to be. I am still with her and I love her, I have no doubt that she loves me too.

 

I had to move quite a bit of a distance in order to be with her and lost everything else like friends and so on. So the only person I can talk to on a emotional level is her and If I want to talk about our relationship getting worse and worse, she just isn't in the position in giving me any advice since she's part of that problem. I wanted to find a person (guy, girl, didn't matter) online, a person that would be totally neutral and I could say everything to because I wouldn't know that person in reallife anyway. I installed an app and found a few guys and girls.

 

It wasn't really what I was looking for until a 43-year old divorced woman came up. She is basically everyhing I asked for, she is caring, understands stuff, is fun, doesn't take life to serious but doesn't play games because you know, she's a grown ass woman.

 

I did a mistake and didn't tell her that I was in a relationship and that that was the reason for me to be on that app. As time went, she really found me intriguing for many reasons and I felt the same way about her too. We started exchanging pictures more and more that got very sexual over time and also started calling each other and doing video-calls. Well, as you can imagine we were also having cyber-sex.

 

The thing is, she's from the States. She is 43. She is extraordinarily beautiful and sexy - that's what everyone says about their crushes of course, but from an neutral perspective, she is exactly what a lot of young guys my age dream of. I just want to point out that when it comes to the looks, she is irresistible for me which makes everything harder. But also on a personal level, she's smart, wise and experienced. She's like better in everything than my girlfriend. (that's what the age does i guess). She lives in a huge luxury house, in a rich neighborhood.

 

I don't know what the hell she would want from a guy like me. But she tells me that she loves my personality and finds me sexy and so on.

 

She's above me in every thing. She wants me to visit her in the States and to spend a few weeks together to see how it works.

 

Now I don't know what to do honestly. I think I got an older women complex or so because I just can't resist no matter what happens. I am in a relationship that I would love to give another chance and my girlfriend is trying hard, I have the hope that she will get more mature and we will work things out. That's what my mind wants to do, it wants me to tell the American Lady that I'm in a relationship and decided against her. But the butterflies in my stomach and the sexual part of my body wants just to book the next flight to the states.

 

Can you guys tell me what you think about all this? She keeps telling me how great we would look as a couple and that we would be something special and she really got me with that thought... Is she just playing around? is it just her kind of thing to play around with younger guys just for her pleasure?

[MissCanuck]

You need to break up with your girlfriend, first and foremost. You are emotionally cheating on her and clearly no longer invested in your relationship.

 

Next, yes, older women sometimes do play around with younger guys. They like the attention, it makes them feel good to be desired by someone young enough to be their own children. You are playing with the Mrs Robinson fantasy too. You like that a much older woman wants you.

 

But OP - have you ever chatted live on webcam/FaceTime/Skype with this woman? Do you have any credible way to verify her identity? If she's that attractive and lives in a big luxury house in a rich neighbourhood, it is odd to me she can't find someone closer to home to satisfy her. She should be quite the catch, no? Sounds like someone is not being truthful about who she really is, either.

[gr4y]

You need to break up with your girlfriend, first and foremost. You are emotionally cheating on her and clearly no longer invested in your relationship.

 

Next, yes, older women sometimes do play around with younger guys. They like the attention, it makes them feel good to be desired by someone young enough to be their own children. You are playing with the Mrs Robinson fantasy too. You like that a much older woman wants you.

 

But OP - have you ever chatted live on webcam/FaceTime/Skype with this woman? Do you have any credible way to verify her identity? If she's that attractive and lives in a big luxury house in a rich neighbourhood, it is odd to me she can't find someone closer to home to satisfy her. She should be quite the catch, no? Sounds like someone is not being truthful about who she really is, either.

 

Maybe I should do that yeah. And I see why you're doubting her identity and all of this, I did the same. But I've seen it all via video-calls, have been analyzing every single bit to find out something that would prove this all fake - but unfortunately it's super real.

[MissCanuck]

Maybe I should do that yeah. And I see why you're doubting her identity and all of this, I did the same. But I've seen it all via video-calls, have been analyzing every single bit to find out something that would prove this all fake - but unfortunately it's super real.

 

What have you seen, exactly?

 

Look, I just find it a little strange that a middle-aged, attractive, supposedly well-off woman has no other man in her life than a guy half her age who lives on the other side of the world. What does she do for a living? Does she have kids? Any idea if this luxury home she lives in is actually hers, and not a friend's, family member's, or rich boyfriend's? Think about it, she doesn't know you have a girlfriend - she could just as easily be hiding someone from you, too. Clearly you two are not so close that you can't hide a significant aspect of your life.

 

Assuming for a moment that everything she says about herself is true , I still would not advise you to get caught up in this fantasy. You two are a generation and an ocean apart. The logistics are working against you in a very significant way. You have spent no time with her in person, so what you are in love with is an idea of who you think she is. Without having spent any quality time together, you have no idea at this point if you would click when you're actually in each other's presence.

 

Break up with your girlfriend, whatever you do. This is extremely unfair to her. You are not in love with her anymore, and you are disrespecting her by carrying out this online affair.

[CONFUSED214]

If you like her... she might be a fun fling for you. If she really is rich, she will fly you over and not ask any questions. I didnt catch your age but she would be typically be looking at dating guys 43 to 53 in her area, because a super hot 43Y old guy in her area can get 30Y old girls. Check out her FB page to see if she has a comprehensive history of postings, friends and family. Be up front that you want to know she is real. If she is...she wont have a problem proving it.