Final decision in two weeks after some space

[breakorbreakup]

My ex-ish boyfriend and I were together for 10 perfect months before breaking up one week ago.

 

We've both been really stressed and busy. But, we have a killer connection. Incredible compatability, he's said we're soulmates, and we're best friends to boot. I was leaning on him (admittedly toooo much) emotionally as I was going through a really hard time, and consequently smothering him, which is a huge reason why we think the romance ended up on the back burner.

 

So, we still both love on another and want to be with each other badly, we've both expressed that. But due to the breakup and the emotional heaviness of being my only support system and the weight of way too many expectations being placed on him, my ex wants space.

 

We've seen each other twice since the breakup, once to talk through things and once we slept over together one night and it was amazing. I left feeling like we were a couple again. It feels like there does need to be a little space for us to get back on our own feet, I couldn't agree more. But my ex isn't phrasing it as a "break", because he thinks that's unfair to me.

 

He's phrasing it as keeping things the way they are for now (broken up), taking time apart especially on his part to get some reprieve from the emotional heaviness and drama. We might see each other this weekend for dinner or to hang out a little, and then we will meet back up in about two weeks to see where we're at.

 

I've let my ex know that I'm in therapy working on my issues which led to our issues as a couple, finding other sources besides just him for emotional support so as not to suffocate him, and am throwing myself into my work. He thinks that's very mature and I think it's a huge factor in his decision, that in getting help and becoming busy so my life isn't about him.

 

I know he's not using this as time to see other people, he stressed the fact that neither of us should see other people in this time. But he's also saying, don't get your hopes up. He knows emotionally he really wants to be with me, but wants to make the most rational decision on whether or not we're compatible.

 

My question is...where is he at in his head? Do you think after two weeks of light to no contact (which we discussed was the plan), getting away from the drama for a bit and him getting some much-needed alone time, he'll come back to me?

[Keyman]

I love how so many people who post on here about having a perfect relationship, then while they are either broken up or on a break go to tell us about the problems in the relationship.

 

For a start, just because it felt perfect for you, doesn't mean it was for him. A small period of intensity is not usually enough to cause someone to want to take a break from a relationship. This must have been an ongoing thing for him to have such an extreme reaction and break up with you.

 

Yes, it is good that you are talking to someone else about your emotional issues, and starting to think about how you can shift your constant focus onto other things. You need to do this as going into a relationship and making life all about the other person usually ends in disaster.

 

By ten months in you should have both fallen into a pattern and a harmonious flow, if things were to work out for the long term.

 

What is going on in his head? He is just seeing how things go being without you some time. He is not sure you will be able to stick with the process you have started to follow and is fearful that as soon as you are back together fully that all attention will be back on him, perhaps not straight away, but inevitably.

 

Take some time to yourself, get to know yourself a little better, yourself without him and find some hobbies or passions to get on with. If he wants to give it another go he will let you know, but obsessing about whether he will or not, is certainly not going to help at all.

 

And lastly, be prepared for this to take longer than the 2 weeks that he has asked for AND that this may be the end too. I'm not saying it is, but be prepared just in case.

[breakorbreakup]

I just want to clarify, the reason it doesn't seem to follow that we could break up after having the perfect relationship, is because from what I know about his past relationships, he tends to break up prematurely the minute he sees any sign of trouble. One point I have brought up that seemed to resonate with him is that relationships aren't perfect, he can't expect to ever find someone that will never have a problem they will have to overcome together. He seemed to really digest that, I don't think he's ever thought about that before.

[DancingFool]

I think here is what you need to start digesting - your relationship wasn't perfect. Whatever he said to you, look at his actions - he dumped you. Yes, you are talking and he slept with you again, which is all pretty typical post break up, but you know what? He is telling you straight up that you are in fact broken up and not on a break. He is actually going out of his way to warn you not to get your hopes up about getting back together. Bottom line - he is not afraid to lose you and that is something that you seriously need to be digesting for yourself.