Ran into her today...it sucked!

[ocean9]

I went out with a friend for coffee today to get my mind off of her. I went somewhere she rarely goes, thinking I would be okay. (There are only a few places to go, and I picked the one furthest from her work/home route) My friend knows the situation. Guess who walks in with her new guy? Seriously, I'm not kidding! She came over to me (without him), gave me a big hug, ran her fingers through my hair, kept touching my arm, and I just sat there dumbfounded. I tried to be really casual, I tried not to smile even, but with all that touching, man, it was so freakin' hard! I felt so nervous that I would cave in again! I did not want to fall for it yet again though.

 

I freakin' hate being played like this. What could I have done? Any advice? I didn't want to be weak and walk out, and I didn't want to look like a moron by pulling away, y'know. As she walked away she winked at me, and blew me a kiss.

 

Now it is the weekend and I have to resist calling her. I wish I could just get really mad at her, so that I wouldn't want to talk to her at all! I'm going to be screening my calls all weekend. I feel weak right now. Damn it, this is so hard.

 

I still have feelings for her after everything, but she is toxic for me. I keep telling myself that I will not be strung along any more!

 

She's just a player, isn't she?

[Royltnxile]

Sounds like she is a player, yes. A player of games. She should have just said a polite hello and left it at that, especially if she was with another guy.

 

I"m terrified of running into my ex nowadays. It's been 2 months since we have seen each other, 6 weeks since we have talked on the phone. Last time we saw each other we were all b/f and g/f and she had kissed me enthusiastically as she ever had. Now I'm worried about running into her casually after all this "no contact" time. If that happens I want to be with some really cute girls, preferably with one of them on my arm!

 

I saw her come in a bar a few weeks ago by herself to meet friends. She didnt see me so quickly left by the back door. Didnt want to deal with it.

 

Your girl could be attempting to mess with your head and make you jealous. Don't fall for it, and don't call her.

[tiger_lilies]

Agh! I feel for you. You did the right thing. Acting casual is the best way to deal with running into the ex. Best not to show any emotions and not to appear weak, even if you are ready to collapse from from the meer sight of her.

 

The fact that she touched you, ran her fingers through your hair etc are classic signs of flirtation. She knows that she has you wraped around her finger and I'm sure it amuses her.

 

I too, fear running into my ex as well. I figure that if I ever see him before he sees me, I'd try my best to slip away unnoticed just as Royltnxile did.

[DN]

Yes, I think she was playing games - and not just with you, she was probably trying to make her new b/f jealous by using you. Tells you all you need to know about her.

[ocean9]

I couldn't slip away because of where my friend and I were sitting (in a quiet corner, far from the door!) In order to leave, I would have had to walk right by them...ugh!

 

Yes, she is flirting for sure, it's over the top. I felt like I was just a toy to her. Yes, it probably does amuse her...and it makes me feel sick to my stomach to think I am so freakin' weak with this woman's ways! She is really attractive, and we have a history, and I can't just 'shut off' my response.

 

I do think she is messing with my head...although I don't know why. I think it is all just one hell of an ego boost for her, and it disgusts me to no end. I just can't seem to get mad about it when she is right there in front of me.

[ocean9]

DN, you are probably right! Ya, for sure, I'm sure she is playing both of us! (at least she is trying to!)

[Hope75]

She came over to me (without him), gave me a big hug, ran her fingers through my hair, kept touching my arm, and I just sat there dumbfounded.

 

As she walked away she winked at me, and blew me a kiss.

 

Yeah, she is behaving like a jerk and taking advantage of your feelings, in front her new boyfriend. That's lousy thing to do to both of you.

 

Try to look at it like that, she was basically manipulating both of you and treating you like a piece of meat (sorry... ) and if I were you I would stay the heck away from her and do not call and do not answer if she calls.

 

You are dead on when you say this girl is toxic to you, keep clear before she hurts you again. She has no regard for anyone's feelings but her own.

[ocean9]

Hope...huh?

[Hope75]

sorry ocean, have a look now, I pressed the submit button too soon LOL

[ocean9]

cool, thanks hope...y'know, I felt like a piece of meat. I felt really disrespected as a human being. I do NOT treat women like that, I think it is gross and stupid, so to be on the receiving end of this is just so weird.

[Wimpy]

Ocean

I wish I too could understand why we still care/love people who treat us really badly. I'm almost 2 weeks into my break-up. Can you believe he did it in an E-MAIL when I was due to go halfway accross the world to visit him in 10 days' time! It hurts like hell still and although I know I won't run into him as he's gone home to his country after studying here for 3 years I have all the places to walk around and see that remind me of our 2 years together. That hurst like HELL.

Despite all he's done what I really want is for him to phone/e-mail and say he's made a terrible mistake and will I have him back. I know it won't happen and I HATE myself for wishing it would.

When he e-mailed me to dump me he then went on to say he'd still like me to come visit as his FRIEND! Man how stupid did he think I was. How good of him to give me 10 days to get used to the idea of being callously dumped via an e-mail and then expect me to travel half way around the world (literally) to see him.

I cancelled and lost a whole load of money on the plane ticket.

I feel like crap today. All my dreams for the future up in smoke.

 

As for you and how you behaved..don't beat yourself up. She's the one with problems not you. Your head can be telling you one thing but the heart is desperate and takes a lot longer to bring in line.

It SUCKS BIG-TIME.

[ocean9]

Wimpy,

 

Whoa...that's awful! He is an insensitive selfish coward to do that to you!

 

I have all the places to walk around and see that remind me of our 2 years together. That hurst like HELL.

 

I understand that SO well. There are all these memories everywhere in my home, and pretty much everywhere in my town too! It is really hard! Maybe in a few weeks or so, you could go with friends to your old hang outs and form new associations, so that you don't always think of him? Don't let memories of him rob you from enjoying where you live!

 

My ex gave me the "lets be friends" line, and we've been "friends" for months now...but she still flirts, hugs, kisses, cuddles, etc...so it has never completely ended. I've figured it out, finally, that I am being used. Actually she told me that I am an ego boost for her. Can you believe it? The nerve of that woman! I'm trying to get out of this mess once and for all now! People can be really selfish. We have to protect ourselves from these kinds of people, because they will hurt us if we give them the chance to!

[ocean9]

All my dreams for the future up in smoke.

 

Yes, I know. There will be new and better dreams though, ones that will come true! We can't let these ex's of ours get us down! We deserve so much better than they could EVER give us!!!

[Wimpy]

Ocean

 

Yeah you're right of course. I have tried to form new associations with the places but it's sooooooo hard. I guess when you can't imagine causing that amount of hurt to another human being you find it difficult to accept it happening to you.

 

Since the e-mail dumping me I initiated NC and have replied to nothing. The day before I was due to travel he e-mailed me along the lines of "hi how are you? I haven't heard from you in a while so I hope you are okay........blah blah blah....I will be waiting at the airport"....

 

I couldn't believe the callousness. Couldn't he figure out he'd not heard from me since he dumped me! Of course I never turned up at the airport but I let him know via someone else that I wasn't coming. The e-mail they sent said that he had no idea of the damage he'd done in what he'd written. He replied to them trying to "justify" what he'd done.

 

I hate the fact that I'm still desperate for him to change his mind. Why didn't what we have mean as much to him as it did to me?

 

 

 

"she still flirts, hugs, kisses, cuddles, etc"

 

Wow that's really insenstive. Somehow you need to figure out how to stop that happening as it will really mess with your head in time. I feel for you. I wonder if they ever know how much they hurt us?

 

I told my Mum tonight that all the fun times and memories I had with him WEREN'T worth it for how I now feel. I wish we'd never met - he's hurt me THAT much.

 

I hope you pull through - we've all gotta stick together I guess.

[DN]

I have given this analogy before. There are people in this world who act as if they are starring in the movie of their life - and everyone else is a supporting and minor character. They are insensitive to the feelings of others because, "after all dahling, the movie is about meee!!".

 

So, ocean9, your girlfriend is always behaving as if she is on camera. The flirting with you is for all her adoring fans to see how generous she is with her affections, and how even her ex-boyfriends love her to death, and "just look how she flirts with him, isn't she just so adorable!".

 

Wimpy, your ex is very similar, he can be callous about your feelings, because you don't really count - it is only the star of the movie that has feelings that matter, and, when he leaves the set and retreats to his dressing room with the big star on the door, everybody else doesn't really have feelings - not that count, anyway.

 

Find partners who recognise that you can be a star and have co-stars of equal importance.

[ocean9]

DN,

 

That makes sense, and unfortunately, I think you are right. It is all about her, her wants, her needs, her image, etc...and she is rather concerned about how she appears to others, I've heard her go on and on about that one! She does sometimes act as if she has an audience. Bizarre!