ex-drug addict, unemployed with lots of problems

[pianogrand]

I'm turning 26 this year, been on anti-depressants for 6 months and currently in therapy for long term (7+ year) social withdrawal. I dont have any friends, I havent held a job for 9+ years, I am a nervous wreck with no skills or even a car licence and I'm addicted to ciaggerettes, was addicted to heroin and meth before but have been clean for 2ish years but before that I was taking other drugs often. My mom is stealing money from my dad and she has made it known she hates him so I don't trust her anymore, her and my cousin are plotting something against my dad and me but I dont know what but I came real close the other day to using a axe on him because he is disrespecting my farther. I love my dad he is the best dad I could have but my personal issues stop me from spending time with him normally and making him proud since I am a failure. I have severe social anxiety, I suffer with paranoia and have severe panic attacks in public, I have had sleeping and eating problems since I was 16 and have been in a permanent state of physical and mental fatigue for as long I can remeber. All I'm doing now is playing video games all day and I want kill myself every day but I have to hang on for my dad's sake because it would destroy him if I did it.

 

I don't think therapy is working, my therapist is good I think but I don't see therapy going anywhere. I have experienced so much misery in my life that I dont why but I just dont want to get better anymore and I don't know how to change that or how to ''want'' to change it. I want to be a destroyed person but right now I just want some stress relief yet I have a roof over my head and a meal every night so I really shouldnt be complaining since people have it worse but life right now is just mental agony and daily thoughts of suicide. I don't see a way out. Thanks for listening.

[nutbrownhare]

Heck, well done for staying clean for two+ years when you're in the state you're in!!! You write yourself off as a failure, but very few addicts are strong enough to stay clean - and I've come to the conclusion that those who do are a miracle.

 

You can talk to your therapist about this, but I'm wondering if you're going through a pile of despair due to your upbringing, which your drug use kept suppressed. It's just that you're feeling all your raw pain right now. If this is the case, then it will eventually clear as the body and mind's natural impulse is towards healing. To put it another way, the only way out of your situation is through it. It's quite common for people to think that therapy's going nowhere just before they have a real breakthrough, and really experiencing the pain, and letting it tell you about yourself and your history, is the first step in releasing it.

 

(((HUGS)))

[abitbroken]

I'm turning 26 this year, been on anti-depressants for 6 months and currently in therapy for long term (7+ year) social withdrawal. I dont have any friends, I havent held a job for 9+ years, I am a nervous wreck with no skills or even a car licence and I'm addicted to ciaggerettes, was addicted to heroin and meth before but have been clean for 2ish years but before that I was taking other drugs often. My mom is stealing money from my dad and she has made it known she hates him so I don't trust her anymore, her and my cousin are plotting something against my dad and me but I dont know what but I came real close the other day to using a axe on him because he is disrespecting my farther. I love my dad he is the best dad I could have but my personal issues stop me from spending time with him normally and making him proud since I am a failure. I have severe social anxiety, I suffer with paranoia and have severe panic attacks in public, I have had sleeping and eating problems since I was 16 and have been in a permanent state of physical and mental fatigue for as long I can remeber. All I'm doing now is playing video games all day and I want kill myself every day but I have to hang on for my dad's sake because it would destroy him if I did it.

 

I don't think therapy is working, my therapist is good I think but I don't see therapy going anywhere. I have experienced so much misery in my life that I dont why but I just dont want to get better anymore and I don't know how to change that or how to ''want'' to change it. I want to be a destroyed person but right now I just want some stress relief yet I have a roof over my head and a meal every night so I really shouldnt be complaining since people have it worse but life right now is just mental agony and daily thoughts of suicide. I don't see a way out. Thanks for listening.

 

Maybe you need a new therapist -- maybe its not all mental/emotional but maybe you have a disorder that once diagnosed would shed some light and you can find better treatment. Do you actually see a psychiatrist or just a psychologist with a gp prescribing meds?

 

Please do so --

[Giblesp]

Good news is your young, though its never too late to turn it around.

 

But you MUST be proactive in your own healing. If you play video games all day, your going to get worse.

 

All of us will experience the pain of life your feeling in one way or another, and some of us will feel suicidal at some point. Its how you handle it that counts. The sooner you start to take care of yourself, the sooner the greater part of what your going through will be over.