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Troublesome relationship of therapy group friends.


DuckLord

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First I'll present myself, then I'll explain how I met her, after that I'll explain how she is and the trouble.

 

Well, I am a male of 16 with asperger, which I've almost overcome, I am shy but I like to talk and have fun but I am tired by it. I've been trough many hardships, such as: parental abuse, bullying, the feeling of being hunted by others, my own feelings, the fact of being seen as "weird" by society and others and depression and actually post depression, but I've managed to overcome every single problem, that making me pretty much more mature and losing innocence before my classmates, and gaining a lot of intelligence and empathy in the proccess. I'm not the brightest nor the best nor the morally best, but I don't consider myself the worst, having said that, I have low self esteem.

 

After this bunch of crap, I'm going to explain the story:

 

After a good two years of therapy I started going to group therapy to increase my empathy and be able to help others, there I met some awesome people, which I still love with all of my heart and the person I love which I'll refer to her as M , after that I made friends, started to know them better and all those things. In those times I already was in a crush with another person that being my second crush after two weeks I started to feel something, I would feel super down when she couldn't come to hang out, and I still feel super down, but the point is that I was in love and still I am. Here comes the boring part:

 

A friend and I started chatting in skype and getting closer, I came with a plan to unite the therapy group by talking via skype weekly and deepening the relationships, we asked M to come to the talk but she couldn't come until next week, but one of my female friends which was there, came, we presented ourselves another time because I thought it was important, and then she confessed to me, afterwards, the friend which I had been talking with, which was male also confessed to me. After this I postponed both answers and told them I would support them to win me over. And the female friend won me over, and I confessed to her, we started "dating " for half a week, not much but, my feeling for M were a little confusing and I wanted to clarify them, but the female friend, which I'll refer to L , was codependent to a friend of hers, and her friend, brainwashed her and forced her to insult me with her friends. After this ,we broke up and she started dating, I told my male friend all this and he supported me, I also told M and she also supported me.

 

I felt like I had to explain this because I fell even more in love with M, thanks to this.

 

Finally I'll explain the trouble and her personality:

 

M's a very empathic person, she cares about every person she likes,even the ones she doesn't. She's very sensitive and a high sensitive person(search it), in comparison to me she's like a big sister as I am a big brother, but she also conceals her weaknesses and tries to help everybody, I want to help her but she can be tough to reach, she can become very tired just by talking or hanging out in public because of her personality, so I need to use everytime I can with her.

 

And the actual problem, is that I am shy with her, as she makes me feel as someone I REALLY don't want to loose and I would do everything for her, even sacrificing my life. I need some advice to manage to be with her and my feelings of lovesickness, cause when I am not with her I really want to be with her, specially after hanging out with her. She obviously doesn't know of my feelings but we get along pretty well.

 

In summary, we're sensitive people, it's a special circumstance, and I want to help her and be with her as an equal, but sometimes I feel as if she's more experiencied than I, I feel shy around her and lovesick distanced from her.

 

Please help me.

tl;dr:

 

Well, I [16 M] a person who has matured over a lot of hardships, including having asperger, my parents abusing me, a little bit of bullying, and others, entered a therapy group, loved it, continued coming to the group, made friends, eventually I fell in love with my friend [18 F] while I was still in love with another person, the previous love just withered away. As I said the two of us are socially akward people, and we're sensitive . Eventually two of my friends of the group confessed to me in the same day, one after the other, a male and a female, just postponed both to think of my feelings, and then started going out with the female, who was codependet of her friend, who brainwashed her to insult me with her friends via whatsapp and then we broke up. The friend who I was in love supported me through this phase and my feelings never disappeared.

 

Well here's the story, the actual situation is that the friend who I fell in love, doesn't hang out much, but when I am with her I am shy, feeling as if her is impossible to touch. She isn't interested by the moment in a relationship( their friend asked her previously , not me). We're both very mature, but I really like and love her , I am feeling lovesick almost everyday, I even thought of confessing to her so she can turn me down so I can continue with my life, but when Im with her I remember that I really want to be with her as a couple, form a family, and be lovey dovey.

 

What should I do?

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Whoa, there! You've got to slow down. You're going way too fast and your mind is getting way ahead of the situation. I understand that your childhood has been pretty bad, and you want to be an adult as quickly as possible, but you have to master dating first. And you have to find someone who likes you as much as you like them. You liking them is not the same as them liking you, and with Asperger's you may have trouble reading them. And if you're also dealing with someone with Asperger's it may be difficult to read them in the first place. In this case, you will have to rely on words. Ask, do you like me? I like you. Do you want to see a movie this Friday? You will find out pretty quickly if they like you that way and it will save you a lot of time wondering if she likes you or not. That way, you will also find out if you really like them on a deeper level than when you were just interacting with them in a group.

 

It sounds like you kind of already know since a friend told you that she's not interested in a relationship. But dating is a lighter way than just plowing in there, confessing all your emotions and being rejected. And you never know. I had a girlfriend say the same thing to me when I asked her out, but then she slept on it and the next day accepted my offer of a date. So it can work.

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Wow, thank you for the reply, I admit that I am very impulsive and too fast, but I've been working on it, on the part of being an adult, I just want to enjoy the current moment, I am not eager to jump to the laboral world neither start a career, as I've comented I lost my childhood, so I'm trying to recover it by experiencing new things, and treating my traumas, but I really just want to lead a normal life. I understand that if I like anybody they don't have to like me back(back in my first crush I didn't), but yeah I need to calm the down. As for asperger, I've almost overcame it, but I just wanted to clarify that I'm not that good in social terms with people.

 

The thing is that I don't want to confess as of today, I would love to, but I want to harvest a normal relationship until I'm sure that I can at least have a oportunity, the idea of going on a "date" without her knowing my feelings, that I will try it, but I am really shy in talking to girls about romance or hanging out, but I have to try.

 

I see the point in interacting as a group and as individuals , and understanding if she likes me in another way, but as I've said I don't want to loose a opportunity with her, because she's really special for me, like one of a kind.

 

Finally thank you for the quick reply.

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