Need some advice...

[heyitslauren98]

Hi everyone! I'm brand new to this site, but I am sort of in a confusing situation at the moment, so I need some advice!

 

Some background about me. I have never been in an intimate relationship with anyone , never had a first date, first kiss, or a boyfriend. This hasn't really bothered me, other than the uncomfortable questions from family about why I don't have a boyfriend or if there is a special someone in my life, or if my friends give me those pitiful looks as if there is something wrong with me. I have a small but close knit group of friends, most of which live far from me, and while I have felt like I wanted a boyfriend before, I just haven't met the right person yet.

 

Anyways, I just started college this week, and I have made a ton of new friends and have met a bunch of new people. I have felt so happy these past few days that I realized how slightly unhappy I have been. Probably because my close friends DO live so far away, so I rarely get to see them, or maybe because I suddenly feel like I have been missing out because I have never been in a relationship. I honestly don't know for sure why I realized this, but I did. I am also noticing that guys actually seem to SEE me now, whereas before I was just more of a friend that everyone knew but didn't necessarily need and guys tended to look through me. I now catch some guys looking at me when I turn around, or watching me (discreetly) when I walk away. I also have noticed that my brother's friend, let's call him Cody, has been super friendly, and almost flirtatious with me. I don't mind it, and he is a pretty nice person, and honestly I am feeling really confident and happy lately, so I feel like anything can happen.

 

Yesterday and today, I noticed that he called me cute many times in an offhanded way, like when we were playing pool, I made a really good shot and was kind of excited, and he said it was cute that I got so happy, but then acted like the little comment was never made and we continued the game. He complimented my dress, we joked around in a really innocent and comfortable way, and he gave me a big hug before I left for home yesterday. Today, he gave me a big hug when I got to school and called me "babe" in a joking way, and while we didn't talk much the rest of the day (It was super early in the morning, and then I had classes most of the day) he didn't want me to leave and he gave me another big hug and said he hoped to see me tomorrow. Even though most of our interactions were innocent, he acted differently around me compared to all of our other friends. Now I know I have never been in a relationship or even flirted with someone, but I can definitely tell that he treats me a bit differently.

 

So, I decided to confide in a friend of mine who has known this guy longer, and she said that she sort of has an issue with him because she has seen him lead girls on before, and I asked her if she thought he was leading me on. She was almost 100% positive that he is leading me on, just based on the way he acts with me, but then she had to leave for class and I didn't get a chance to talk to her after that before I left.

 

I don't really have an issue with the possibility that this Cody isn't really interested in me, but I don't like to be led on or used! I do trust my friend and believe what she said. I know that she isn't talking out of jealousy because she isn't straight and she is in her own relationship at the moment. My problem is that I have never been in this position (I.e. flirting, dating, drama, etc.) and I don't want to confront Cody just in case I am overthinking things, and I also don't want to make things awkward in our friends group/circle. I also don't want to get my hopes up and invest myself into a relationship that isn't even real with someone who is just leading me on. I REALLY, really don't want to make things awkward between the two of us, but I feel like it can turn out that way if things continue like this.

 

If you have read this far and my concerns make ANY sense at all to you, is there any advice you could give that could help me in this instance? Has anyone else been in a situation like this, and how did it turn out? Any advice would be great!!

 

Thanks!

Lauren

[thorough]

I understand your concerns and my advice would be: see what happens. Don't jump to be w/this guy and do not jump to conclusions just because our friend said some bad things. Your friend could have her own motives (maybe she likes him, she was rejected etc). Just be careful either way.

[and so it goes]

Some guys are naturally flirty - it's just the way they are. He probably isn't being insincere, (you probably were cute when you got exciting about making a good shot in pool) but maybe he says that to the next girl as well. Just take it for what it is, feed your ego a bit but hold on to your imagination. Just joke around and be cool about it.

 

Just started College? - great, you'll meet other guys for sure - get involved in clubs and events and so on. Trust me, they want to meet you. Fish around though, be choosy, go on lots of first dates and use your feminine instinct.

[SherrySher]

Hi Lauren, welcome to ENA.

 

Some guys can be flirtatious like that and it's just how they are but they aren't meaning it to be taken too seriously. That's how this guy reads to me. Even though you've not had a relationship before, no doubt it won't be long.

 

Unless Cody specifically asks you out on a date, I wouldn't take his comments seriously or feel that he needed to be confronted. I doubt he is meaning to lead you on, he is just being himself.

 

No worries though, the right one will come along soon enough.

[heyitslauren98]

Hi Lauren, welcome to ENA.

 

Some guys can be flirtatious like that and it's just how they are but they aren't meaning it to be taken too seriously. That's how this guy reads to me. Even though you've not had a relationship before, no doubt it won't be long.

 

Unless Cody specifically asks you out on a date, I wouldn't take his comments seriously or feel that he needed to be confronted. I doubt he is meaning to lead you on, he is just being himself.

 

No worries though, the right one will come along soon enough.

 

Thanks! I remember going through a period where I thought I was always going to be alone, that there was something wrong with me. I have now come to realize that I wasn't surrounded by supportive and loyal people. Once I realized that, I gained some confidence. Now that I am in college, I just feel really happy and ALIVE. I think my confidence is higher, and I feel like that makes me more noticeable, if that makes sense. I am excited for this year, and honestly I am in no real rush to jump into a serious relationship, but I just want to see where I can go this semester!!

[SherrySher]

Really happy to hear that, and yes, confidence is very attractive for both men and women. But truly, it also makes you see your own worth and realize that you had and do have a reason to be confident.

 

I hope it continues.

 

Don't ever let anyone determine your worth, what I mean is, whether you've got a bf or not, you are still valuable and worthwhile.

[romjrom]

Go out, flirt back, don't get attached and see what happens. DO NOT assume the first guy that's flirting with you is the forever guy. When you go car shopping or shoes shopping it's best to look, try them on for size and keep your options open. If it's the right one for you, you'll come back around to it and it'll wait for you. You have so many great years ahead of you and who know who you might meet. And...you're cute!

[heyitslauren98]

Go out, flirt back, don't get attached and see what happens. DO NOT assume the first guy that's flirting with you is the forever guy. When you go car shopping or shoes shopping it's best to look, try them on for size and keep your options open. If it's the right one for you, you'll come back around to it and it'll wait for you. You have so many great years ahead of you and who know who you might meet. And...you're cute!

 

Thanks

[heyitslauren98]

I understand your concerns and my advice would be: see what happens. Don't jump to be w/this guy and do not jump to conclusions just because our friend said some bad things. Your friend could have her own motives (maybe she likes him, she was rejected etc). Just be careful either way.

 

Thanks for the advice!

[heyitslauren98]

Some guys are naturally flirty - it's just the way they are. He probably isn't being insincere, (you probably were cute when you got exciting about making a good shot in pool) but maybe he says that to the next girl as well. Just take it for what it is, feed your ego a bit but hold on to your imagination. Just joke around and be cool about it.

 

Just started College? - great, you'll meet other guys for sure - get involved in clubs and events and so on. Trust me, they want to meet you. Fish around though, be choosy, go on lots of first dates and use your feminine instinct.

 

Thank you!