What do you do when you're home alone to feel better?

[haileym]

Hi, guys

 

I'm still new here. I'm about two weeks into my breakup and it's been tough, which I'm sure most of you can relate to. Things were generally happy before the split, we were joined at the hip and were in pretty much constant contact. Right now, the best possible option for me to increase the chances of getting my ex back in my life comes from giving her space through no contact as this is what she asked for during the foreseeable future. This is easier said than done, and I find that the times I feel the worst are when I'm at home by myself or have nothing to do. I try to keep my days as busy as possible with activities and people who care about me, but sometimes there is no option other than being at home left to my own devices. It's worth mentioning that currently, I'm not in the right emotional situation to be dating and meeting people as more than friends. I don't think it's fair to drag an innocent party into my life who is hoping for a romantic connection when I am not ready to give up on feelings for my ex. Although, if you have advice on this that you'd like to share regardless, please go right ahead!

 

For those of you who are going through, or have been through, a breakup that caused you pain and loneliness, what have you done to fill the void when you're all alone? Are there any good books or websites that you liked? Any advice on personal growth? Anything helps!

 

Thanks so much!

[pippy longstocking]

Well it sounds like you are doing everything right and also not wanting to drag anyone else into your life right now is spot on .

 

I actually filled the void in my life way back when I had a split by being on here , there was a group of us who just really hit it off and we had our own thread going and we just helped each other through every day .

 

I am a big believer in the law of attraction ( not to get an ex back might I add ) and I started to re read my books and stuff on the internet . I also cried and ate , cried and didn't eat , walked aimlessly round the house looking at all his stuff just to make myself feel worse and cried a bit more , ( makes me shudder to think of the darkness I was in ) I found it very therapeutic giving words of nonsense or wisdom to others flooding through the gates of ena ...I guess throwing myself into others situations helped distract me from mine .

 

You sound like you have a good attitude , just keep telling yourself that this too will pass .

[haileym]

Thanks so much for the reply, it's always comforting knowing that others have felt the same way as I am right now.

 

This is a really nice forum, I found it by seeing the thread about exes that really do come back. While I appreciate realistic advice and don't want to hold my hopes up too high, it's so early on in the breakup that having a little bit of hope is actually comforting and healing. I love that people on here are so supportive and helpful.

 

That's very true! It's so much easier to look at other people's situations because there's no attachment. I don't have the same feelings for their ex that they do, and giving advice really does get my mind off of it.

 

Have you found success with the law of attraction? It definitely makes sense to me. People who are positive and open will naturally attract the same. No one wants to adopt a sad, depressed, blob of a friend out of the blue.

 

Thanks again for your words

[pippy longstocking]

No one wants to adopt a sad, depressed, blob of a friend out of the blue.

 

hahaha that is so true , I am on a few mental health pages on facebook , I seldom join in because misery attracts misery and oh my god , I know they are there to vent and get through the day but you can smell the misery a mile away and rather then encourage each other to have a good day it is rather the case that they all wallow in the sea of absolute crap together .

 

I agree with you about the hope and it is too cruel to expect someone to make the hope-no hope transition before they are ready . There are those of course who wont even begin after months and months to accept it , but on the whole I say that the majority get over the first few weeks by actually having that hope . I think it is just too much to cope with to just rip the band aid of in the first hour . I envy those that are like that .

 

Yes I have found the Law of Attraction to make perfect sense , I started reading about it years ago ..in fact I bought books because I didn't have the internet haha imagine that ...going in a book shop .. It all just made sense and infused me with enthusiasm and I viewed the world in a * nothing can stop me* way and the more enthused I became the more life just clicked into place , even if there were set backs , I dealt with them better , I always saw a way out or a better day ahead . This is the second time tonight I have spoken about the Law of Attraction , so maybe that is my cue to remind myself of what I believe in .

[Capttrae]

My last two break ups we both knew was coming, it was clear as day so they didn't bother me too badly, truthfully my last break up I was already out of the relationship months before it officially ended. The last one that really hurt, on my off time I'd go work outdoor shows w/ a seed/scent/ feed company I was pro staffing for. Had a great time doing that, traveling all over the southeast talking about hunting 4-5 days a week 10-12 hrs a day

[DancingFool]

I become brilliant at completing all those home projects that have been sitting around on the back burner, any other chores that I've been putting off. Basically, I become a model of productivity. Keeping busy, moving around, blasting away music that I love that maybe my ex didn't care for and enjoying that while I get busy with things. Really helps to take my mind off things.

 

Other than that, some days you really do need to allow yourself to grieve, wallow and let the pain out. Sweeping it under the rug at all costs isn't necessarily good and it will just boil up later when you least expect it.

[haileym]

I agree with you about the hope and it is too cruel to expect someone to make the hope-no hope transition before they are ready . There are those of course who wont even begin after months and months to accept it , but on the whole I say that the majority get over the first few weeks by actually having that hope . I think it is just too much to cope with to just rip the band aid of in the first hour .

 

That's true. I accept the reality that she might never come back and I accept that our relationship was broken enough for her to think that leaving was the only option. Even though I don't agree with it and think the problems we faced could be easily solved by communication, I have to respect the fact that at least right now she doesn't feel the same way and the breakup is real to her. I doubt she'd have the courage to want to begin no contact and end what we had if it wasn't real to her. Breakups are rarely mutual. So, I guess my main hope is that someday she'll talk to me and we can form some sort of relationship again. Whether it be friends or partners

 

I do agree that sometimes it's healthy to wallow and grieve, DancingFool. Sometimes I just need a good cry, haha. I think it's fine as long as it doesn't continue to consume your life in the long term. While I'm still sad and miss her, obviously, it does get a little bit easier every day. I find that looking forward helps me a lot more than living in the past. I guess it's because if our past and relationship were worth it, she'd still be here! So, the only thing I really have is to try and improve the future. If I were to have any chance at all, I'd have to give her (or anyone else who may come along) something to come back to. No one wants to come back to an ex thats worse off than before, needy, clingy, depressed, looks like they've lost all will to live, etc.