Struggling

[Butterfly2222]

Hi all! Thank you for reading this. I went through a break up 2 months ago and I am still struggling. We dated for less than a year, but it was very intense from the start. We met through my sister and we became very close.

 

I made many mistakes and hurt him a few times. I struggle with anxiety and insecurity issues, as well as the inability to be vulnerable after a past physical abuse relationship. While I was not a horrible gf, there were times where I was unnecessarily mean. Meanwhile he has issues communicating.

 

He couldn't get past it. So he broke up with me. We stayed in contact over the past two months, with mainly me trying to reach out, but I decided I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't prove that I learned my lesson and I wanted to change. My sister and her husband still hang out with him and my best friend dates his roommate. Which is tough for me.

 

I started counseling. But I am still heartbroken. He says maybe some time in the future when we have both gotten our crap together, but I can't hold on to that. I have major guilt for hurting someone who was nothing but wonderful to me and my daughter. I just need to move on now and not cry everyday.

 

I've learned from my mistakes, but how do I forgive myself? I need to move on even though I still care deeply and I am struggling.

[No1]

We all make mistakes in relationships. You are not the first and in no way youll be the last. Just think of it, today, right now there are many people making mistakes in relationships. But what is important for you is that we learn from them and apply them to the NEXT relationship.

Another thing we try to do is correct mistakes with the X. Try to show them that we have changed or we wont make the same mistakes again and we have learned. Problem with that is that you cant show your X right now because he stepped away from the situation and you.

Forgive yourself by saying its okay to make mistakes. I know you are going to be hard on yourself by saying its your fault that you lost a great guy. Ive heard it many times before. But at the time you made those mistakes you thought it was the best move to make (even if you knew it wasnt the best move). You cant second guess yourself and only accept that it happened and you dont make those same mistakes again.

You are going to therapy, you are seeing a professional and thats a GREAT start. Right now it should be more about you and not about your X. And dont worry about your X, he will probably keep tabs on you and see how you are doing and the best way to show him you have changed is not by showing him, but by proving to yourself that you have changed. That will translate to a happy you.

What you do is make you and your daughter happy and give your X a choice to come back to a great situation.

[ThatwasThen]

I've learned from my mistakes, but how do I forgive myself? I need to move on even though I still care deeply and I am struggling.

Maybe the poem below will help? For what its worth, I think he came into your life for a reason... that being the push you needed to get help for your anxiety and insecurity. You've learned from the relationship so don't be so hard on yourself.

 

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

 

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed or just felt.

They have come to assist you through a hard time, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. Then, suddenly, the person disappears from your life. Your need has been met; their work is done.

 

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share or grow or give back. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They give you great joy. Believe it; it is real. But only for a season.

 

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons

things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all your other relationships.

 

Think about the people in your life over the years. Whether they were there for a reason, a season or a lifetime, accept them and treasure them for however long they were meant to be part of your life.

 

And when they are gone, be thankful for the gifts you received from them when they were here—for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

[Butterfly2222]

We all make mistakes in relationships. You are not the first and in no way youll be the last. Just think of it, today, right now there are many people making mistakes in relationships. But what is important for you is that we learn from them and apply them to the NEXT relationship.

Another thing we try to do is correct mistakes with the X. Try to show them that we have changed or we wont make the same mistakes again and we have learned. Problem with that is that you cant show your X right now because he stepped away from the situation and you.

Forgive yourself by saying its okay to make mistakes. I know you are going to be hard on yourself by saying its your fault that you lost a great guy. Ive heard it many times before. But at the time you made those mistakes you thought it was the best move to make (even if you knew it wasnt the best move). You cant second guess yourself and only accept that it happened and you dont make those same mistakes again.

You are going to therapy, you are seeing a professional and thats a GREAT start. Right now it should be more about you and not about your X. And dont worry about your X, he will probably keep tabs on you and see how you are doing and the best way to show him you have changed is not by showing him, but by proving to yourself that you have changed. That will translate to a happy you.

What you do is make you and your daughter happy and give your X a choice to come back to a great situation.

 

Thank you for your kind and inspiring words. You are absolutely correct- my focus needs to be on me and making myself happy.

[Butterfly2222]

Maybe the poem below will help? For what its worth, I think he came into your life for a reason... that being the push you needed to get help for your anxiety and insecurity. You've learned from the relationship so don't be so hard on yourself.

 

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

 

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed or just felt.

They have come to assist you through a hard time, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. Then, suddenly, the person disappears from your life. Your need has been met; their work is done.

 

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share or grow or give back. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They give you great joy. Believe it; it is real. But only for a season.

 

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons

things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all your other relationships.

 

Think about the people in your life over the years. Whether they were there for a reason, a season or a lifetime, accept them and treasure them for however long they were meant to be part of your life.

 

And when they are gone, be thankful for the gifts you received from them when they were here—for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

 

Thank you for the reply and the poem. It is hard, but the words of the poem are true.

[Butterfly2222]

Last night, my best friend stupidly told me what her BF said(who is my ex's best friend). I was texting her this weekend and he asked who it was and she told him the conversation for some reason. His reply was "I can't believe she's not over it already, it was just a break up." That really put me in a bad place.

 

Today is Day 4 of NC with the ex because I need to heal. But it's so hard not to reach out because even after the break up, he has been the biggest support. I'm not going to, I'm just hurting.

[No1]

Kind of strange to say, but his reply is your absolution and you dont have to worry or wonder if he is ever coming back. He is not.

So now that you know its over, you can take the steps to properly heal without asking yourself "will he come back"