Can't let go of my husband's past and thinking of breaking up. Am I crazy?

[SpreadWisdom]

If you can't, then you need to leave the relationship because it will not be healthy for EITHER parties! Do the responsible thing. Do the healthy thing. Because if you are going to have trouble forgiving or getting over his past baggage (you have past baggage yourself too by the way

 

Source: I dated a guy for almost two years but we fought alot and I was hurt a lot and he abused me a lot (both physically and emotionally). The source? His past (his ex wife and child). His drinking and drug problems and OF COURSE his anger issues... the cops were called in the relationship. I don't know how I lived through that, but I am just glad I did. Many times, I thought he might seriously hurt me/injure me or even kill me... I am in my 30s (33) and no please don't say I should have known better... I stayed because the sex was good and he also had a lot of good qualities (smart?, well educated, sweet and affectionate most of the time, etc) BUT he was a bum who would not be responsible (not paying child support, was into drugs, quit jobs just because)...

 

We aren't together anymore but I sometimes have a hard time getting over the fact that I let that happen to me! I let myself become victimized for so long.... I could have left early when he was showing some red flags already but no! I just HAD to stick it out because I felt sorry for him and for some wacky reason, despite ALL the warning signs of abuse and a bad past, I still bit! Mostly because I was lonely and I had physical needs if you know what I mean, plus I had low self esteem and so was pretty desperate and looked for "love" from the opposite sex. But what I got from it were injured knees instead. Anger and bitterness at the fact that I wasted my time dating him when I could have dated someone more compatible. Some one WITHOUT a child already! Someone who hadn't been married yet! I had a lot of jealousy from that

[debsblueguitar]

It's common for people who have been cheated on to just blame the cheater.

 

However, people cheat for a reason. They are wanting something they are not getting and it's not

always about sex...for whatever reason there are always two people involved.

 

The fact that he's being honest is awesome; you should give him credit for that.

 

My ex cheated on me twice, both one-nighters (that's his justification), I knew both of the girls, found out about the 1st

from my best friend and confronted him and he admitted to it, and the second he felt he had to tell me because the

guilt was getting to him and he thought he had aids. Strangely enough what made me the most upset/angry was the

the fact he didn't have the balls to get an aids test so he wouldn't have to tell me about the 2nd one....

 

I honestly don't think most people with a sex drive are meant to be monogamous, and most cheaters continue to cheat

for the reasons they feel they need to that other's can't fulfill.... my wife got too fat, my husband drinks too much and

snores and it's a turnoff, we are good in every way but sexually, there's a million reasons, all with different levels of validity/non validity.

 

With that in mind, you need to make a decision. Perhaps you should have asked these questions before you got married.

But now that you're married you've made a commitment and until he breaks it you really have no grounds for divorce.

But know that someone who cheats, almost always continues to cheat unless they have solved the reason for being unsatisfied

with the person they cheat on, valid or not.