I'm in so much pain

[LD145]

My boyfriend and I were in a very intense, dependent relationship for 2 years. He suffers from severe mental health problems - depression and anxiety - and due to the medication and his problems, he became detached, emotionally numb and pretty much checked out from the relationship. I always said I couldn't blame him, would stick by him until he got better (because when he was out of his depressive periods he was absolutely incredible). We just got back from a 10 day trip and everything just felt so off, I was constantly scared he was angry at me as he was cold and unaffectionate, and I started just walking on eggshells constantly.

 

2 days after we got back I decided I had to end things for my own sanity and for his sake. Although it was me who ended things, I feel absolutely broken. I'm only 19 but due to how dependent we were on each other, I just can't pick myself up. Tiny things remind me of him. I had my friends over last night and they jokingly made me a tinder to take my mind off it and we came across him, and it was an absolute kick in the stomach because I know what we were doing for a joke, he will genuinely be doing to meet new girls.

 

I'm absolutely terrified to ever think of him or ever see him with another girl. I was so close to his family and he always fed me with the idea we were in it forever. I got so comfortable and settled and it's all been thrown away now so I feel lost, vulnerable, and as if I'll never ever ever meet anyone on that level again.

 

Waking up I feel sick, sad and nervous. I just want it to be a bad dream.

 

Can anyone give me some advice to try and move on or pick myself up?

[MissCanuck]

You're only 19, and I promise you there will plenty of opportunity for love in your life. This boy wasn't it. Even if you hadn't ended it now, it is unlikely that would have wound up with him forever. You're so young and have so much growing and exploring yet to do.

 

You absolutely did the right thing ending it, though. Mental illnesses or not, he was not able to be a partner to you and you cannot continuously compromise your own happiness. You will grieve and heal, but you will detach from him over time. We've nearly all been where you are, and it's hard to let go, but there is much greater happiness awaiting us once we free ourselves from a toxic situation.

[LD145]

Thank you for replying.

 

He's on a really strong medication that makes him unable to basically feel any emotion also, so just now I'm lying here feeling awful and knowing for a fact that it's not really affecting him. He's back on tinder, following girls left right and centre and kind of flaunting our breakup to everyone.

 

It's just making it very hard for me to process as I feel I put a lot more love and effort into the relationship than he did and so I've ended up a lot more hurt

[No1]

I agree with MissCanuck. This guy probably mentally checked out of the relationship long ago and just never told you. He didnt have a good reason to break up with you so he made things difficult for you. Hence the shortness in temper. (this occurs when someone wants out of the relationship but doesnt know how to do it)

 

Nothing you did wrong, he just wanted out of the relationship to see what else is out there. And that is okay because he had his chance to be with someone like you. He just wasnt prepared to offer you what you wanted. You will be fine and yes you will meet someone and dare I say.. fall in love again. By the time I was 19 I had been heartbroken and seen my GF die in a car crash so youll meet someone. You attracted someone before and you can do it again and I hardly think you are going to be in your 90s in a rest home with 12 cats never meeting someone. You will be just fine.